Just not sure anymore

[Working2better]

I have a five year old who is my world, so this is very hard to even think about. But I do need some input on my own thoughts and situations so any help is appreciated. My son just spent a week at his fathers house and when he came back he wasn't excited or happy at all. My house is more scheduled and regulated and his dad is more the "fun" house( video games, eating junk, staying up later than normal) but he does have some rules as well. Like I said my house is more regulated( set bedtime, pretty much zero junk, and only some games) but we have fun it's just more outdoor type stuff. Anyways like I said when he came back he just seemed completely miserable. I have these conflicted feelings about whether or not I should just let him stay there permanently. I have full custody and I know his dad will take care of him een if he's not doing it my way, he does care for him. It kills me to see my son miserable when he gets home. So my question I guess is. Should I let him go live with his dad permanently or not? I know my son loves me and likes being home but maybe he'd like it better there and just coming back to me every other weekend. I don't know like I said it just kills me to see him miserable, I just want himto be happy.

[metrogirl]

Have you considered it's not the house that he misses but his family?

[Kitkat973]

He's a child. It sounds like his father's place is the equivalent of a vacation away from work for an adult. If his father was taking care of him full-time, though, things would change. Things would become more regulated over time because children need that structure.

 

I know it hurts right now, but please try to not make a rash decision.

[tinkerbellkj]

He's a child. It sounds like his father's place is the equivalent of a vacation away from work for an adult. If his father was taking care of him full-time, though, things would change. Things would become more regulated over time because children need that structure.

 

I know it hurts right now, but please try to not make a rash decision.

 

Agreed. A close friend of mine used to run into this all the time with her 8 year old when she would spend the summers with her father. At dad's it was all movies, roller skating, summer camp, and candy. Of course she had a great time, but it was short lived. Unfortunately kids (and adults) need structure and while it's great to have lots of fun, it's not reality all the time. I think if the tables were turned and he lived with his dad full time it would be a very different picture than his weekend excursions.

[thejigsup]

If he lived at Dad's full time, he would miss your structure, believe me. Kids need and want structure. Dad's is fun and there will be a little let down when he comes home to you, but kids equate rules with love and Dad's house would get real old, real quick.