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Guys... Need your advice on this one...


zaoranger

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So I've been dating a girl for 9 months now... We were friends first, and from that point we got closer and closer - next thing we knew we started caring for each other in new ways, and we just fell for each other.

 

It's funny how it worked out, because it was my girlfriend who asked me out (she had the guts to make the first move), and it was also my girlfriend who dared to say the 3 words "i love you" first (once again because I was too chicken to make the first move). But in any case, she's a very straight-shooter - and if she doesn't like you, she will say it, and end the relationship right there and then. She did that with a few ex'bf's before... she dated them, and she ended up losing taste for them, so she didnt want to drag it on and just ended it - even though the exbf's were really sweet to her and such.

 

In any case, my problem stems from just a few weeks ago. In our first 8 months of togetherness, we were inseperable. We spoke/text/saw each other very very frequently (I would dare say almost every day). The thing is, I wasn't pushing anything - it was a mutual feeling that we just always wanted to see each other after work. She would ask me to go see her, or I would ask her to go see me etc... So there was no pressure for either side. It was literally perfect. We were comfortable.

 

Recently when I went on a business trip for 2 weeks, I was out of town and still tried to keep in touch with her via phone etc... But these 2 weeks away gave her the chance to chill with her friends and such (as I would usually be invited to those events, so I would always be around). This is no problem to me because i'm cool with her chilling with whomever she wants. I'm comfortable enough to trust her, and she trusts me, so by all means go party it up!

 

When I got back, things got different. We didn't meet up till 2 days later (because she already made plans with her friends those other days). I got a bit upset since I didn't see her for those 2 weeks, and she knew I was coming back that day and yet she made plans already.... So I basically confronted her and said "are you mad at me or smthing? why does it seem like you don't really want to see me and such?" She then tells me the real reason which was "I think I just need some space right now to figure things out. When you left for 2 weeks, I sorta realized how much I missed the single life, and how much I missed just hanging out and having fun with my friends on my own etc..."

 

So after that convo on the phone, we met up in person and we talked it through. I told her that I want to be the person behind her pushing her higher each and every day.... I would never want to be the guy who's in front of her, blocking her from what she really wants to achieve in life.... I said that if you feel like i'm an obstacle, please tell me, and I will gladly move to the side and let you achieve what you feel like you were meant to experience out of life So after that, we basically talked about what we both want and such. She told me that she loves me, and she knows I love her wholeheartly. She knows that I treat her very well, and that she can see me as a long-term relationship. The problem is, she feels that she can't commit to me yet because she still wants to have fun and misses just doing her own thing etc... She specifically said that she is NOT interested in dating others, nor does she has anyone else in mind (I believe her b/c she really doesn't lie, she's straightforward), HOWEVER, she admits that she likes the attention she gets from guys...

 

So after all that was said and done, I basically let her choose what she wants to do. She decided that we should still be together, but at the same time give each other space so we can take more time and see how things go. Also in the meantime, we can all figure out what we want and see if the "space" will really fill that missing void she has etc.... She admits that it could also be a "one time feeling" that she got when I was away and she felt like she could party and all that..... so she doesnt want to make any rash decisions on breaking up just because of that "one time feeling"....

 

 

In any case, we are not giving each other some space, and yet still see each other once in a while. We don't message/call/see each other that freqnetly anymore and it sorta bugs me. But at the same time, I feel that if I truly do want to be with her and love her, I will respect her wishes and let her have what she wants....

 

What do u guys think about this situation? Is this normal in every relationship?

 

FYI - I'm 27, she's 24.... Thanks guys....

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If you aren't the type to stop her from going out with friends and she is genuinely happy with you then there should be no need to miss going out and having fun. I have a feeling there is someone else, maybe not romantically yet but she probably has her eye on someone.

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In every relationship that I've been in there have been friends, some mutual, some not, that have been guilty of planting the seed of discord at one time or another. I'm not saying that is the case here, but if she is really wanting to have some time on her own, then she shouldnt have an aversion to talking about what she did while you were away. Personally, I find it odd that she made such a drastic change in 2 short weeks, especially after being together for 9 months, so there is little doubt in my mind that she was exposed to something...a new guy, something a friend said, or it could be the realization that she might have "rebounded" into this relationship with you. One of the classic signs of a rebound relationship is spending way too time with your mate, and that could be on your part, hers, or the both of you. You dont mention yours and her previous relationships, so the rebound thing is just a WAG, but something happened while you were away, and you owe it to yourself to make sure you get an explanation that will put your mind at ease. You will know soon enough though, and this "time to herself" will either make the relationship better, or it will prove to be something more than she is letting on about.

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