I think he's totally lost interest in me after taking my virginity?

[weewoo]

Ok so for the last couple of months I have been really happy for a number of reasons, mainly due my confidence being pretty much near-replenished after a course of counseling sessions, and also because I thought I was falling in love with this guy I was seeing.

 

Only it seems he doesn't feel the same way back. I've always had this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he was never interested in having a proper relationship with me, but I can see now the way in which I would naively (or perhaps, desperately) blame this on other factors like not him being ready etc. I'm never sure where I am with him. He has made it obvious we're 'not in a relationship' but I always thought he still wanted one at some point, and really liked me the way I do him.

 

Also I should note that he still has pictures of his girlfriend on his bedroom wall, does that mean anything? It must be more than a year since they split.

 

When we meet up we usually only meet up in the evenings, which basically consist of us driving around and then sexual activity. But we still go out for walks and things together, just not that often.

 

Writing this down, I can't believe I could be so blind. Surely he must have seen me as some sort of sex buddy and nothing more? But he's so sweet, and he cares for me and bought me gifts and makes me feel loved. We have lot's of fun when we hang out, and talk about all sorts of things and share a lot in common, and he sends me the cutest texts. He hasn't text me since Friday though, and I texted him today- he replied but hasn't answered my response since.

 

When he texts he usually always calls me gorgeous or sexy or angel face, or compliments me in some way. Does he do this just to get in my pants? I mean we do text about a whole range of things, and we talk about stuff like friends do, but the texts always seem to end up getting sexual.

 

It should be said that we met on a dating site, and I've been seeing him since I met him last November. I've really grown attached to him. I think I've fallen for him. At one point I was sure he was hinting that we be exclusive, but then the next day it was like nothing had happened. He used to text me asking if I really liked him, because he felt like he was 'more into me then I was him'. I have trust issues which makes it hard for me to open up with feelings, which I explained.

 

Now it seems the other way- I like him more than he likes me. I'm 19 and he's 25, and I was TOTALLY inexperienced sexually when I met him. I'm very self conscious and when it comes to sexual stuff, and when I'm with him sometimes tense up and occasionally freeze because...well he's the first sexual partner I've had. The first boyfriend I've had, actually. But he's been very patient and considerate.

 

Anyway let me get to the main part. Well a week ago, I realised how I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I was aware of this strange feeling I'd never felt before. It was scary and lovely. Would it blossom into love? I was so happy, because it felt like I was finally being myself with somebody, and they liked me, faults and all! This was a major breakthrough for me, because I have been suffereing from low-self esteem and mild depression on and off for my whole life (sincerely don't mean that to sound as angsty and self-pitying as it does written here).

 

So, we were fooling around in the car and he asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I agreed, and I lost my virginity to him. It was a bit of a let down because it hurt SO much and it was pretty awkward and not very sexy in general. But I thought to myself, 'Hey, it was my first time, hopefully now my hymen's broken and the first-time pain's over and done with I can put everything into it next time!'.

 

But now I wonder if my performance is why he's stopped texting me as much? You see, he did text me for about two days afterwards as normal, calling me things like angel face and asking for pics of me and stuff, but then suddenly on Friday... it was like he went cold. He didn't text me like usual, and I decided to make the first move and text him today, and like I said he hasn't responded.

 

Ah, and a few minutes ago I discovered something which has made me feel absolutely heartbroken. I went on to the dating website I met him on and checked his profile and I could see that this morning he had completely re-written his profile. And It was obvious that he was still looking for someone. And I think it is apparent that the someone isn't me.

Otherwise why would he write a profile, obviously looking for someone, if he hasn't got that someone already? I'm not his someone

 

If he really felt the same way about me as I do him, then Im pretty sure he wouldn't feel the need to carry on looking for someone on this website. I thought he really liked me. I thought we would grow closer after having sex. I feel so used. I know it's not his fault, I mean we were never 'in a relationship' but I'm sure we were heading that way because of the way he treated me. He used to say how he missed me and wanted to take care of me. But maybe he didn't feel I was relationship material. Did he have second thoughts after we had sex for the first time? I've never been the best at being sexy because I'm so timid, so maybe I just totally put him off? It was so painful that I probably made some real weird faces.

 

Oh god. This really hurts. I really like him. Have I blown it? How do I get over this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach, every time I think about that dating profile I want to cry.

 

Thanks for reading this, I know it's been kind of long.

[Kitkat973]

One thing I noticed in your post is that you seem eager to take the blame for this onto yourself, as something you have done or have failed to do that has made him do this.

 

From what you've said, though, it doesn't sound like you've done anything to justify this feeling.

[listed]

Seems like a classic case of wanting what you can't have (although obviously it's more complicated then just that). Realize that you should really move on and maybe find someone else to crush on (even someone unavailable) who's less emotionally damaging to you.