Is this normal for relationships?

[wlfmn]

I hope this isn't a stupid question, but it's something I've been thinking about for a while...

 

Basically, I'm a happier person and feel less stressed in life when I'm single vs. when I'm in a relationship with someone. I'm just wondering if that's normal or if it happens to anyone else?

 

Relationships with friends and family don't have that effect on me, it's only when I'm dating someone. And it's not that I'm in unhealthy/abusive relationships or anything like that.

 

And just to clarify, I don't become miserable and fall into a depression or anything when I'm with someone. I'm still a happy person. I just noticed that I'm generally a happier person and am less stressed when single.

[banal]

My last ex felt like you. During our breakup, she told me that romantic relationships made her feel overwhelmed and stressed. She felt like I was an "obligation" in her life. In her case, she gravitated toward unhealthy relationships, and she found ours to be too "normal." I couldn't understand her perspective, but I guess some people are just wired this way, and you're one of them (minus the unhealthy relationship angle).

[wicked6018]

i don't think it's normal at all. i think if it's a good relationship, you should be happier and less stressed out than ever.

[_Asti_]

What is it about being in a relationship that you find stressful and makes it different than friendships/family relationships? Maybe you are trying too hard, and putting TOO much energy into the relationship.

 

I can't say overall I have found my relationship stressful. In fact, his presence is my escape from stressful situations, and certainly doesn't add.

 

But also keep in mind that sometimes relationships take work. A family member relationship, you don't need to put alot of time and energy into it. If you don't want to talk to your cousin for a week, you can. You're family. They will be there a week later. Friendships may be different, but you perhaps don't have to try si hard with a friendship.

 

I think its a very different relationship that cannot be compared to friend and family relationships. I know it takes alot of work to keep a relationship going, and maybe thats what you find stressful, but it shouldn't cause stress. It should be fun and rewarding work.

 

I think perhaps its because you just haven't met that right person, where you don't view it as stressful. But I don't think you can compare a romantic relationship with friends & family. You have an 'obligation' of sorts to another person, you need to be attentive, and pay attention, and find ways to please them, learn about them, you're trying to impress themetc etc...thats part of dating.

[wlfmn]

What is it about being in a relationship that you find stressful and makes it different than friendships/family relationships? Maybe you are trying too hard, and putting TOO much energy into the relationship.

 

I honestly don't know what it is about them that I find stressful. Maybe it is me just trying too hard, I don't know, I just find them to be kind of draining.

[punk76]

Anyone who is honest with themselves, even those in the best relationship in the world, will look at single people with some envy. So much freedom and personal liquidity.

 

However, all the single people look on your side of the fence and wish they had someone there every day for them, even if they are naggy or demanding.

 

There's a balance somewhere.