nattpanter Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 A little more than a month ago this happened: Im on NC here, and I`ve been really diciplined for almost 4 months...Now on Saturday (when Im finally getting back some strength and seeing other woman) I get a new message and we exchanged a little back and forth. I`ve used google translate bc it`s too long to translate, so excuse me for the bad english Her profile picture how's the music and things going in general? Me: Thank you! The music is going great and I'm writing new material for a piano-based album, which among other things, "Song title" shall be a part of ... What do you mean in general? Her you have no time frame on when the album will be released then? what I thought of about in general, well. like asking how are you. you still live in "xxx" / new girlfriend / been traveling someplace / if you are doing well, etc. etc. a long time since we talked, it was really just an open question (: Me will be finished during the fall I guess, but first I'll sell my apartment in September. I`ll stay in XXX this summer, XXX-summers are good IMO ... then maybe some traveling this winter after I have been in the studio. I don`t have a grilfriend. It would have been a little strange to jump into a relationship when I proposed to you a few months ago. Then...silence since yesterday. A friend told me she posted on her FB-wall today: “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” She has posted things like this before... Seems like she is seeking support on FB or something. What do you make of this and how do you think my response was this time around? Link to comment
Theniceone Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 She was fishing for information. You gave the information she was looking for imo... I would probably have been vague or avoided totally the part of answering if you have a girlfriend or not or at the very least answered no, but would not have gone into details as to why not. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, I see that...however, the reason why I said it is that I think she is running away from a few facts. She still hasn`t answered me on the proposal (she said she needed time) So I wanted to remind her on what is really going on bc it is absurd to just ask this and neglect the facts. Since this is the 2nd time she is retreating Im thinking about not answering her if she contacts me in the future. I think it`s just a load of bs tbh she is coming with Link to comment
Theniceone Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, I see that...however, the reason why I said it is that I think she is running away from a few facts. She still hasn`t answered me on the proposal (she said she needed time) So I wanted to remind her on what is really going on bc it is absurd to just ask this and neglect the facts. Since this is the 2nd time she is retreating Im thinking about not answering her if she contacts me in the future. I think it`s just a load of bs tbh she is coming with Maybe that is the reason why she dissappeared... she may have felt you were pushing the issue. Be very vague in your answers in the future. I think she is comforted in the belief that you are still waiting for her for now. She will contact you again Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 So what do you make of this FB-posting? Link to comment
Theniceone Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Most likely related to the break up, lol. I remember using this exact quote myself as a way to cheer myself up over the fact that my relationship had ended. I can't really say if it meant something else to her. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, but I really don`t understand...first she goes out fishing info from me, then she post this on her wall... Actually I think it is a little bit rude Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Many exes just want to be friends when it's all said and done... she may be hoping to establish a friendship with you. Her FB post is kind of hoping you'll let it all go and be happy to be friends again (but not offering any romance). Some dumpers are quite selfish and get angry if they get cut off after they dump you and expect to stay friends with you even though it is painful for you because you still love them and they just want to be friends. Unless she calls and says she thinks she made a mistake and might want to try again, don't let her draw you into a buddy role with her unless you don't care about her anymore. Otherwise she's got what she wants (you as a friend) while you're still hurting and hoping for romance. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 I see your point Lavenderdove! Im not someone who stays friends with my exes...it`s all or nothing in my life! Maybe not mature, but that`s how I operate... Im thinking about blocking her on FB and just make the last statement throught that. Im not gonna have these David-Copperfield-moments from her anymore. It`s not good for me I think. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 nattpanter, Are you saying that she never accepted or rejected your proposal from March 31?? Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 That is right Diamond..she said she needed time to think about what has been said and done, but no matter what happened she appreachiated it... Im really in a mixed zone these days in the healing process... Im having a ball with my friends and Im seeing other girls and the response is all good...and Im not really sure if I want to give that up right now since it feels great in many ways. But, then these kinds of messages comes from her when Im doing pretty good...and it shakes me a little... Link to comment
diamond78 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 That is right Diamond..she said she needed time to think about what has been said and done, but no matter what happened she appreachiated it... Im really in a mixed zone these days in the healing process... Im having a ball with my friends and Im seeing other girls and the response is all good...and Im not really sure if I want to give that up right now since it feels great in many ways. But, then these kinds of messages comes from her when Im doing pretty good...and it shakes me a little... So, you took the time to propose to her and she has basically pretended like the proposal never happened?? That is so tacky and inconsiderate. I don't know how long you were involved with your Ex, but unless you were some abusive type bf, that is completely unacceptable for her to not at the very least give an answer. I would definitely block her on facebook and not answer any feeble attempts at contact. It's one thing to have a breakup, but a proposal and then silence for months? No way....that is a total lack of care and respect towards you as person. Did she used to run away from issues during the relationship as well?? Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, that is just what my friends,who always tells me the truth, says... it is inconsiderate, and the reason why I remind her of what really happened in the last message to her. Im not needy at all in this situation, it`s just that an answer would really have helped but Im not gonna force it as I can move on no matter... Actually her behaviour maybe gives me even more reason to do the last bit of healing when I`ve processed it for some time... Not the abusive type at all...5 and 1/2 years together and really tight. Very passionate relastionship with the ups and downs that comes with it... No she didn`t run away I`d say...that is why I feel Im talking to a stranger when she sends me messages like this... Link to comment
diamond78 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, that is just what my friends,who always tells me the truth, says... it is inconsiderate, and the reason why I remind her of what really happened in the last message to her. Im not needy at all in this situation, it`s just that an answer would really have helped but Im not gonna force it as I can move on no matter... Actually her behaviour maybe gives me even more reason to do the last bit of healing when I`ve processed it for some time... Not the abusive type at all...5 and 1/2 years together and really tight. Very passionate relastionship with the ups and downs that comes with it... No she didn`t run away I`d say...that is why I feel Im talking to a stranger when she sends me messages like this... Wow....5 1/2 years and she couldn't afford you a response to a proposal?? That's just a big fat NO in my book. In reality, she has given you a response, which is a 'no'. That is the response you should accept for yourself at this moment and move on. I don't know the reasons behind your breakup, but if you treated her well she will notice you closing the doors on her. I am really sorry she has left you in a sort of 'limbo' for so long. That wasn't fair to you at all. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 Cheers for your support! Yeah, I know it`s sick...we ended bc of differences on where and how to live... I was stubborn, she was stubborn and here we are. I`ve been doing alot of changes in my life now, and grown in many ways...went to therapy/couples-counceling without a partner to understand my issues and how I can get better in a relationship. I`ve never told her this, bc it`s not for her... I feel pretty sure that in the end, she will loose out on something great here as I have already decided that i`ll live through this no matter. And more important, I won`t turn bitter or cradle negative thoughts to get through it...just be a champ through actions and focusing on my life... Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 Anyone else got some feedback? Link to comment
diamond78 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Cheers for your support! Yeah, I know it`s sick...we ended bc of differences on where and how to live... I was stubborn, she was stubborn and here we are. I`ve been doing alot of changes in my life now, and grown in many ways...went to therapy/couples-counceling without a partner to understand my issues and how I can get better in a relationship. I`ve never told her this, bc it`s not for her... I feel pretty sure that in the end, she will loose out on something great here as I have already decided that i`ll live through this no matter. And more important, I won`t turn bitter or cradle negative thoughts to get through it...just be a champ through actions and focusing on my life... Wow...to be honest with you, the changes you have made on your own are pretty admirable. In the end, you will be better off for the next person you meet. I'm not sure about what you meant on you guys broke up because of disagreements on how to live, but I didn't see anything earth shattering to break up over... Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 It`s complicated to answer but in general disagreements on alot of things that could be solved when it comes to housing,everyday-life,kids and such... but the environment we created together wasn`t ideal to compromise and find solutions...it was more important to win the discussion rather than winning a relationship (both parts mistakes) If it was today, I think on my part, I would do alot of things different and make better and more ballanced priorities. But, she left...and that`s it. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Does anyone think I should ask her why she contacts me and perhaps tell her to stay away if reconciliation is not what she wants? Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Anyone? Does anyone think I should ask her why she contacts me and perhaps tell her to stay away if reconciliation is not what she wants? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I can't answer for everyone but I don't think you should contact her at all. Agree with above posters who say her behaviour is rude and unacceptable --- her most recent contact was just a safety check to see if you are hanging around waiting for her. You seem to have done everything right to move on and get to a healthier place. Take a life lesson here, and spend your new knowledge and wisdom on a woman who deserves someone like you. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Damn, mhowe. I hate the fact that I steppeed right into the damn trap so easy! And the worst thing, I really gave it some thought on what to answer... Im just finding comfort in the fact that I (when I left her for 3-4 months a couple of years ago) never sunk to that level she`s at now. I took care of her, talked to her and gave her clear messages until I decided she is what I wanted and asked to come back. Let`s just hope the karma-police will handle this someway, bc the times I´ve been through, like april,may and part of june is something I can`t describe...it`s something you need to experience. Limbo-land sucks! Link to comment
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