jems1010 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I am 24 years old "Billy" is 49. He is married with 1 child, i am single with one. I get overwhelmed by how much I care, I know it started out as a fling, i didnt expect to gain this much feeling for him. I feel like I am settling to be second in his life which is not what I want. I want, so bad to get away from this but I cant. I have tried concidering his family, I cant bring my self to care. I have tried telling my self how unhealthy it is, that wont work either. I have soo much fun when Im with him (about once a week is all) He takes me to eat, shopping,drinks, rides etc. I do not need his money, as I can afford things I want on my own. He is my boss at a restaurant I work at, which is terrible because I am around him all day! "This undercover relationship" Has been going on for over a year and I know something needs to change. I honestly feel like I love him, I think about him all day but this is WRONG. he doesnt like the idea of me hanging out with guys (not in a demanding controlling way) and when I rebute that by saying he has a wife he says "you knew that before this started" I know he cares for me alot but I have much more feeling put in this than he does and I am going to be the one walking away hurt....What do I do now....
Kitkat973 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 It sounds like he's content with how the situation is currently, and you're not. Are you okay with remaining in the relationship knowing nothing will change from how it is now?
abitbroken Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 He is a married man and will never leave his wife for you. Of course you have fun because you don't have to be involved any of his day to day problems. He is at his best with you. You deserve an emotionally and legally available man. Please start by taking care of yourself, then in this case I would recommend applying at other restaurants. If you end it he could say whatever, or if you end it, it just could be uncomfortable at work. And this way you can cut ties. is he the general manager or just your direct boss?
jems1010 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 The killer question- Where is this getting me? The answer will always remain "nowhere" He has told me how him and his wife are more friends than anything and a divorce would be difficult because she'd "take him for everything he has" I am a pretty busy girl, between my son, a 55 hr work week, and maintaining my living situation (home,child activities) I really dont go out, I am not a party girl. So no, I cant say that I am OK with the situation, I am just affraid to let it go.. He is everything I want, he covers all aspects of a "boyfriend" but personally, not public. Can I please add how much your reply, not being rude, judgemental, or hurtful, means. I want true strong advice good or bad, just not put down and made fun of along the way I know its wrong, and I know thats a step..
annie24 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 He is everything you want.... but he's married. That's the biggest NO of all!! Remember that. And he's not going to leave her. you're the fun side dish. I would dump him and look for a new job. You deserve a guy who is great and single and available. Don't settle for crumbs. And next, imagine if you were the wife in this situation? how would you like a man doing this to you behind your back? I guess you would not like it at all.
jems1010 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 Direct boss. So basically he is around all day. I am a very good worker, so there is no confict work/personal wise. I do my job to the best I can. I have concidered leaving here multiple times, because of this. But I honestly can't It is a very high end restaurant and a VERY hard job to get. I went to school and only dreamed of cooking in a place like this. It stinks Just a very bad situation, why did I do this to myself?..
jems1010 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 I would not like it one bit if I were the wife. My feelings for him have overpowered my morals. It's terrible..
annie24 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 If you can't leave your job, then I would tell him "thanks - it's been fun, but this isn't working for me anymore. i hope we can maintain a good professional relationship." Keep looking for new work too. hopefully he doesn't get psycho on you.
metrogirl Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 As a mother yourself, with all due respect how would you feel if your husband was out with another woman and you found out that she didn't really care about you or your child and how it would affect the family? That is essentially the role you have taken on as a mistress. You are a mother, think about what you are doing from that stand point.
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Honestly, you need some tough love. You act as if you have no control over this, Lowering your value to the lowest of lows to be with some coward jerk. You can easily walk away from this if you want...stop with all the excuses and be honest with yourself. You will never be happy in life if you give into your impulses like this.
Kitkat973 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Direct boss. So basically he is around all day. I am a very good worker, so there is no confict work/personal wise. I do my job to the best I can. I have concidered leaving here multiple times, because of this. But I honestly can't It is a very high end restaurant and a VERY hard job to get. I went to school and only dreamed of cooking in a place like this. It stinks Just a very bad situation, why did I do this to myself?.. Have you looked? You're the one who knows your situation, definitely, but if you haven't actively looked, you can't be certain what's out there.
abitbroken Posted July 19, 2011 Posted July 19, 2011 If this is a killer place, it would be a good stepping stone to something else. If you feel you can't leave, I would simply just tell him that you have plans with family when the date night comes up or simply decline. if you start declining, etc, it will help you ease out of the situation and tell him that you can't do it anymore. Maybe tell him you are 24 and want the chance to meet someone who you might marry someday and he is married. I just wanted to see if he was your direct boss, wondering if you would fear professional retaliation if you ended it.
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