Life On The Rocinante' (After Dark!)

[Cynder]

So, the Ren Faire was great, as always. I got my fix until the Ohio Renaissance Festival in October... I won't be able to make it to Pitt this year because I'll be in Europe. That's fine though.

 

I have a ton of pics to go through. Photographing the Joust is always a big thing for me. This year's joust was a little sparse and not as showy as some I've seen in the past. But it was still entertaining and I still got a lot of pics. Normally I sit on the other side of the field to take joust pics, but this time everyone wanted to sit higher up on the hill. The angle for pics was better, but the backdrop is more cluttered from there.

 

I should go through all my joust pictures from the past and gather up all the really good ones and post them in my blog... kind of a retrospective thing. I've been going to Faires since I was 15, so there are a lot of photos.

 

...

 

Last night when I got home I opened the door expecting the dog to run up to me and be all excited to see me like he always did. I'm still getting used to him not being here... There's this void. Aimee wants me to take one of her dogs. But hers are all so flea bitten. I am lucky enough to have a flea free environment here. I don't want anything coming in here and infecting my cats. I already went through that a few summers ago. I dog sat for someone... then before I know it my dog and all three cats have fleas. It took forever to get rid of them.

 

Aaron texted me at around 1AM asking me what I was up to. He said if I didn't have to work today I should come over and hang out. I didn't get the text till this morning because I was asleep. Unfortunately I do have to work today...

 

Kitty sent me a facebook message a few days ago asking if I wanted to go out for a drink last night. I couldn't because I was at the Faire... But still, it's kind of odd. She chewed me out about not being mentally "in the game" about the reformatory, and about talking too much about things going on in my life last time I saw her. I apologized for that and told her I am mentally in the game. I never got a response to the apology. But then she messages me and wants to go out, as if nothing ever happened.

 

Sometimes I wonder if she has more then one personalty. She's gotten a lot better over the years. She used to do stuff like this all the time. She would fly off the handle (always in emails, of course never in person) about things that really don't make much sense... then act like everything is fine a few days later.

 

So, I guess I get to go to the reformatory. Heaven forbid I slip up and talk about anything that's on my mind between now and then.

[Cynder]

Really...? Stand around for five minutes and then inspect and pack 4 parts, then stand around five more minutes...? I could have stayed home in bed. At least I'm getting paid crazy money to be here because its Sunday.

[Cynder]

So, Vito finally made it home. Last night was his welcome home party. I'm getting a lot better at this whole staying out late and getting up early for work the next day thing... I know I can't make this too much of a habit though because it will start to catch up to me.

 

It was a good party though. Vito and Aimee left early so they could go home and have their alone time. I don't blame them, he was gone three months.

 

But of course... I had to leave at around midnight so I could be up for work today. So many people tried talking me into staying. I always feel bad when this happens.

 

Aaron walked me most of the way home. I told him he didn't have to, but he insisted. It was sweet.

 

He about had me talked into calling off work today. He wanted to stop down at the tavern and get a shot. A bunch of people from the party left when we left and were heading down there. So, the plan was to go down there and then back to his place. And at this point, I was calling off from work today. So, we get down to the tavern and it's closed. They closed it down for a few days for renovation. No one new about this though.

 

So we ended up splitting up at the square. My house is only five minutes on foot from there. And he was out of cigarettes. The gas station is five minutes on foot the opposite way.

 

I remember being a smoker... when you are out of cigarettes it's like the end of the world. I'm so glad I quit.

 

But yea... had a good time last night. And I'm not even that tired this morning.

[BellaDonna]

My dog died tonight... I will miss him greeting me every day when I get home from work. I will also miss taking him for walks... and all the laughs he gave me. Rest in Peace baby boy. You will be forever loved and missed.

 

 

I'm so sorry to hear that your dog died. It's so hard to lose a beloved pet. They are like members of the family and they give unconditional love and we get so accumstomed to their routines. You have my deepest sympathy. ((Hugs))

[Cynder]

I'm so sorry to hear that your dog died. It's so hard to lose a beloved pet. They are like members of the family and they give unconditional love and we get so accumstomed to their routines. You have my deepest sympathy. ((Hugs))

 

Thank you... (hugs back.)

 

I grieve a little differently because of my personal attitude about death. But when an animal dies it hits harder most of the time. Animals are innocent. None of my animals ever hurt me... they never lied to me, cheated on me, cussed at me, called me names, etc.

 

I am still getting used to him not being here. Every day when I come home from work I expect him to be waiting at the top of the stairs.

[BellaDonna]

Every day when I come home from work I expect him to be waiting at the top of the stairs.

 

 

 

I'm a cat person and I've always owned cats and only recently just rescued a dog. Dogs definitely make their presence known and are really excited when they greet you. I've only had my dog for a month and would really miss seeing his little face waiting, nose pressed against the glass door, tail wagging, when I come home.I can only imagine how difficult it is when you've had a dog for a while and then have to suddenly be without them.

 

Animals are innocent

 

I agree. Animals offer pure unconditional love & companionship and give a lot of positive energy. It's distinct from the love of people.

[Cynder]

My Mom is starting to bug me now about having an airport guide... She called me yesterday and woke me up from my nap to ask me if I called the travel agency yet to set it up. She said "Your plane could land in Jersey on one end of the airport and the plane you need to be on might take off all the way on the other end." So? I have two legs. I have a four hour layover in New Jersey, I think I can manage walking from one end to the other.

 

And she insists on riding with Kitty and I. And Kitty has already said she's not taking her with us. So I don't know what to do... I don't want my Mom to go, but she's insisting on going.

 

Yesterday I went out for a few hours with B and Mica and all the kids. He made it a point to tell all four kids that I might not come back from Europe in front of me. So of course they all begged me to stay. I know that was his intention all along. Mica still thinks this whole trip is a bad idea and I should be spending the money I saved on other things. (Things like my own apartment and a divorce attorney.)

 

They keep bugging me to move in with them... and my Mom also keeps bugging me to move in with her. I don't want to be 32 years old and living at home with Mommy. Especially not with the way my family is. I'm already considered the loser of the bunch... living at home would just make it worse. And my Mom lives in the middle of nowhere, so I could never go anywhere. Here in town I walk everywhere I need to go. If I lived at my Mom's place that wouldn't be an option. I would be stuck there and the only way to get anywhere would be to ask mommy for a ride. Uh, no.

 

Aaron and I hung out the other night for a few hours. It was cool hanging out with him without Aimee. Things are a lot less tense without her around. He was talking about how he needs to get out of this state of mind he's in... He says he's been depressed for the last couple years. He was saying this to me and a guy that was there. The guy pointed at me and was like "She doesn't know you at all." And he was like "I met her a long time ago and got caught back up with her just recently. I wish I was in the right state of mind." They were talking like this with me standing right there which was kind of odd. And this guy told him "It's all on you... Do you want to be like Vito and be in and out of prison and homeless shelters all your life or do you want to rise above that?"

 

I did offer to leave during this conversation because I felt like my presence was awkward. But he asked me to stay.

 

He's actually coming over later tonight to do some online applications. He wanted to last night but I wasn't home. He's really been trying hard to find a job... His options are limited because he's a convicted felon, but he's still looking.

[Cynder]

So, the other night Aaron was supposed to come over and fill out this online job application. He never showed up. It's not like him to do that... I texted him and never got a response. But his phone is a track phone and was almost out of minutes. So that wasn't too big a deal. I still figured something must be up though.

 

The night before last I found Aimee's keys that she left here last weekend. My cat was playing with them on the kitchen floor. So last night I took them down to her. Actually I used the keys as kind of an excuse to go down there, because I really wanted to know what was up with Aaron.

 

Well, they told me. I guess Tuesday night when he went back to the apartment (this was after hanging out with me at his friend's place.) he was out of cigarettes. So he asked Aimee and Vito where the cigarette roller was. Aimee started giving him crap about how they only had one bag of tobacco to split between the three of them and Aaron already had his fair share of it. And then Aaron pointed out that it was him who bought the tobacco so he's rolling himself one anyway. Well, Vito had the cig roller and he took it and threw it and hit Aaron in the side of the head.

 

Well, of course Aaron was getting pretty pissed off so he went into his room and there was a pile of dog crap on his bed. That did it I guess. He got all pissed off at Aimee and Vito for not taking better care of the dogs and stuff.

 

I know this is only Aimee and Vito's side of the story... but if it was me I would be pissed too honestly.

 

So, they had words, things got heated, Vito threatened to call the cops, and Aaron left. He hasn't been back to the apartment since. As of now he's staying with a friend down in another town about twenty minutes away from here. That's as far as Aimee and Vito know.

 

But last night Aimee and I took the dogs out and the screen was taken out of the side window of the house like someone took it out and was going to crawl in the window. She thought someone was trying to break in to rob the place. But the screen was leaned up against the house right below the window. Someone definitely put it there like that on purpose. No robber would have done that. SO they think Aaron tried to "break in" to the house. Which, in my opinion it's not technically breaking in when it's where you live. I don't know how the law would handle that though.

 

Aimee was saying she's calling the cops and she's going to try to get him for breaking and entering. The cops won't even waist their time. Not over a removed screen. I told her since he lives there nothing will happen. And she said his name isn't on the lease. That might be the case, but that's the address on his ID and that's where he gets mail, so it wouldn't be hard to prove he lives there.

 

And all his stuff is there still. She said she's throwing it all out on trash day except for his PlayStation. She's pawning that, of course. I told her not to do him like that. She said she's not going to have all his crap in her house. So I told her if his stuff is that much of an issue, pack it up and I'll store it at my place. That includes the PlayStation. He doesn't have a lot of stuff there. I can handle it.

 

When I told her I texted him and never heard back she told me it's because he has his phone but not the charger, so it's probably dead.

 

So... this bums me out. Aimee and Vito treated him like crap. At one point they all three lived together and he was the only one working, supporting all three of them. Good people always get dumped on.

 

Where he is isn't that far away, but for two people who don't drive twenty minutes away might as well be in another state. I hope he at least makes it back into town before I leave. Even so though, I have no way of getting ahold of him if his phone is dead.

 

Vito is a real mooch too... I don't really know him that well. But last night I hung out with them and he kept asking me for stuff. Somehow it came up that I have beer in my fridge... and he wanted all of us to walk to my place and get the beer out of my fridge and then head down to his sister's place. What the hell? "Hey can I come and raid your fridge?" I don't drink much at home, but the beer in my fridge is there in case I want to. Or if I have company I can offer them one. It's not just there to supply others' habits.

 

Then we get to his sister's place to watch the Browns game and he kept saying he wanted some Mike's Hard Lemonade. He said it like five times, and he looked right at me every time. Finally I was like "I know, you keep saying that." And he's like "Well, the gas station is right up the street." I just had to keep politely dodging him.

 

Aimee wasn't helping much inside. Then her and I were outside on the porch and she's apologizing for him and saying she feels bad.

 

Off subject... I am so glad to finally have Doc Martens back on my feet. Of course, they are always really uncomfortable the first day or so... After that you will never want to wear anything else.

[Cynder]

I don't want to be here today. I got married seven years ago today and look how I'm spending it.

[Cynder]

I hung out with B and the kids last night. We had a pretty good time. I got myself a new pair of work boots finally.

 

Aimee is being charged with unlawful occupancy and has to go to court on the 15th. She didn't move out when she got the eviction notice, so now she's in trouble.

 

Aaron is still down in Nashville. This sucks... I need some love before I go to Europe, lol. He's supposed to be back in town this weekend. I'm not sure where he's staying though.

 

My Mom, Sister and Grandma are really mad at me right now because B picked me up from work and I didn't tell any of them he was picking me up... so my grandma just assumed I needed a ride and she showed up. Normally if I don't ask any of them for a ride, they don't come to pick me up. So she waisted a trip coming to my work to get me when I already had a ride. Instead of this just being seen as a misunderstanding, of course it's all my fault. I should have called and let someone know. Well, it sucks that I, a 32 year old adult should have to check in with my family when I have plans with friends after work. Oh well though... it is what it is.

[Cynder]

Sometimes I wonder if my iTunes is psychic... It's strange. Some song will come on that seems to mirror exactly how I feel at the moment, especially in times when I'm upset. And no, I really don't think it's psychic. If anything it's probably that my strong emotions are just making whatever song it is fit with what I"m feeling.

 

I was just sitting here listening to music and this song came on:

 

[video=youtube;z0JFv_xpp78] ]

 

Looking at your watch a third time waiting in the station for the bus

Going to a place that's far, so far away and if that's not enough

Going where nobody says hello, they don't talk to anybody they don't know

You'll wind up in some factory that's full time filth and nowhere left to go

Walk home to an empty house, sit around all by yourself

I know it might sound strange, but I believe

You'll be coming back before too long

 

(chorus)

Don't go back to Rockville, don't go back to Rockville, don't go back to Rockville

And waste another year

 

At night I drink myself to sleep and pretend

I don't care that you're not here with me

'Cause it's so much easier to handle

All my problems if I'm too far out to sea

But something better happen soon

Or it's gonna be too late to bring you back

 

(repeat chorus)

 

It's not as though I really need you

If you were here I'd only bleed you

But everybody else in town only wants to bring you down and

That's not how it ought to be

Well I know it might sound strange, but I believe

You'll be coming back before too long

 

 

Ok... I was in a good mood. Just got home from work, got out of the nasty greasy machine shop clothes, showered, put nice clothes on, got online, put on some tunes... and this song completely turned my mood around. Thanks REM. lol

 

It turned my mood around though because it made me think of Aaron taking off for Nashville so suddenly. This line, "But everybody else in town only wants to bring you down and that's not how it ought to be..." That fits... for a while that's how it was. It seems like lately he's been the only positive person I've interacted with. Now he's indefinitely gone and here I am pretending I don't miss him and I'm not upset. Alright I'll let my guard down right here in this post and admit it, I miss him like hell. He's been gone a week and I don't know when he's coming back... As far as I know he does at least plan to come back. But he's there indefinitely right now.

 

Maybe it's good that the song came on and forced me to deal with it. Here I've been trying to act like I don't care. I do care... I care enough that the song made me cry... I needed to release that I guess.

 

And the line in the song about some factory that is "full time filth" that just made me think of my job... But what if he gets stuck in a place like that down there. IT could happen. He might end up trapped down there.

 

Aimee keeps wanting me to come over and hang out with her and Vito. And every time I do I am afraid they are going to tell me they heard from him and he's staying down there. And also, I go down there and there's this void. I was going over there all the time more to hang out with him then with them. Now I go down there and listen to Aimee complain, and listen to Vito tell prison stories, and it's always the same thing...

 

He's supposed to be back in town soon... He told Vito he was coming back in a few days, that was on Monday. Let's hope...

[Cynder]

I was at Aimee's place last night... Her and Vito were supposed to help their neighbors move. They were getting paid to do it.

 

Well, Vito never came home yesterday. So I helped... At least for a little while I did. Her and I were carrying a dresser out and she was going backwards. She tripped over the entrance to the basement and fell and the dresser rolled over onto her hand.

 

Now she thinks her finger is broken (and it probably is, it doesn't look good.) But she can't go get it fixed because of lack of funds and no insurance.

 

So instead of moving the rest of the stuff, we came back here to my place. I put peroxide on her hand and bandaged it up for her. She's really upset with Vito right now. So am I, even though it's none of my business really. He was supposed to be there to help her out and instead he was *most likely* off somewhere getting high. That's all he's done since he got out of prison. He better straighten it up otherwise he's not going to keep her.

[Cynder]

Too bad today isn't a double time day because I'm doing double work. a little ass busting never hurt anyone.

[Cynder]

"Morality is doing what is right regardless of what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told regardless of what is right."

[Cynder]

Why is it that whenever I'm home alone anymore I get depressed. Do I not enjoy my own company anymore?

 

Today when I passed Aimee's place on the way home from work there was a big black truck in her driveway. I don't know the people that Aaron is staying with down in Nashville, but I know the guy drives a truck because I've heard her and Vito talk about it. So now I'm wondering if he's back in town. I feel like a stalker, lol. I really shouldn't though... I pass her house every day on my way home, and it's hard to miss a big black truck in her driveway. Now if I went down there to see if he was there, then you could file me under stalker.

 

I think I'm going to get dressed and go for a walk. I just took a nice long nap. Think I'll go for a walk and have a little me and me only time. Now that my dog is gone I don't go for walks anymore...

[Cynder]

So... yesterday I had an awful day at work... The worst day yet. I finally broke down and cried. But I didn't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing it. My work environment is tough, so I have to keep up a tough exterior. I've been called every name in the book at work. But I can't let it affect me...

 

So I went home, took a nap, and woke up feeling crappy. It's a Friday night, here I am sitting at home alone.

 

So I took a walk and decided to stop down at the tavern. I figured I might see someone down there I know. I walked in and Chris was in there. He invited me back to E's place for a bonfire.

 

So, we get back to E's place, and guess who's there... Yep, Aaron. Holy hell, how did that happen? When I walked up onto the porch with Chris his face lit up too, I looked right at him.

 

So last night I got to hang out with him all night. Unfortunately he's not back in town permanently. He was only in town for the night. I wish I had time to go into more detail... I don't because I have to head off to hell (work.)

[Cynder]

So freaking depressed today. I don't really know why. I had a good night last night. Nothing bad has happened at work today. But considering I've put in so many hours lately it could just be I need rest and time away from this place.

[Cynder]

I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning.

 

I can't take much more of this crap. I wish I was dead.

[Cynder]

So... I'm ready for another long hard day of misery...

 

Saturday night I hung out with B and Mica and the kids. It would have been a pretty good night if Mica wasn't there. Apparently I'm supposed to be her pot connection since she's back in town. She expected me to track down a whole ounce for her. That's a hard amount to just track down on a whim... She kept bugging me to call people for her. I told her there wasn't anyone I could call. Yes I know people who could get her some, but they don't have cell phones. So she wanted me to direct her to their houses. And of course I would be the one going inside doing all the talking and handing over the money and all that. I told her I didn't really feel like running all over town so she could get high. B invited me out there so I could relax, not worry about her.

 

I fired a gun for the first time in my life that night... a 20 gage rifle. I shot a bow too and I guess I'm a pretty decent archer. Also took my laptop with me and did some painting while I was there.

 

Last night Adam and I actually were home together. He was annoyed with me when I came home. But it turned out being a good night.

 

He's mad at me now though and won't tell me why... I freaking hate this. Anymore he's always mad and I never know what I did wrong. Some days all I have to do is walk in the door and he's upset with me.

 

My trip is coming up fast... and sadly I"ve been so depressed lately that I don't even have the mental energy to be excited. I'm hoping this will pull me out of the depression. Something has to happen soon or else I'm going to crack. The biggest contributor is my job... I work too much and then my downtime is spent being a stronghold for negative people.

 

I'm getting my cards read tonight... Not that I put a whole lot of stock in that. But a good friend of mine reads them and she really wanted to read for me before my trip. Maybe she'll have some good news.

[Cynder]

Stuck here wallowing in filth and dust... and having a massive dizzy spell. I want to go home.

[Cynder]

So... tonight I'm coloring my hair. And I decided on two different colors, one base color with streaks of the other color. I didn't even realize this until it was pointed out to me, but the two colors are the colors of the flag of the country I'm visiting. Nifty coincidence...

[Cynder]

So, over the years I've died my hair dozens and dozens of times... never had a color I didn't like. I've had a few come out different then expected, but it's never been anything I thought was ugly... till now.

 

The red is too dark and looks fake as hell. My hair is red to begin with, but this is just awful looking. And the streaks that took so much time and effort are barely even visible. Mica did those. Before I came over she acted like she was all excited to help me... then when she was helping me she copped an attitude the whole time like it was this huge inconvenience. I think she's still mad at me because I've failed to find her some weed. Oh well, it's not my responsibility.

 

Now that the sex has stopped between B and I, we get along just as good as we always did. We must have been good friends in a past life or something... it seems like our friendship can handle anything. I am glad I stopped sleeping with him because I think that saved us.

 

Aimee called me last night while I was over there. She doesn't have a phone right now, she was using her neighbor's phone. She said she walked up to my place hoping I was home. She said she really missed me and wanted to hang out. I felt bad because it sounded like she was about to cry. I know this is a really hard time for her... She's about to be homeless again. I am trying to be there for her the best I can without exhausting myself. I just need to remember it's not my job to be her scaffold. But that also doesn't mean I should be completely cold hearted and turn away either. It's hard walking the middle of the road.

 

Aaron is still in Nashville... I think I'm starting to get used to him not being around. Still sucks though... I was getting pretty attached to him. I think things happen for a reason though and this is where he needs to be right now. He had to get away from Aimee's house for his own reasons... And him being gone has kept me away from her house too, which is a good thing because I needed a break from what foes on there.

 

I invited 27 people to the bar on Saturday... This is my last horah before I leave... I'm seeing a fun night that night. I can feel it.

 

I'm having my cards read tonight... was supposed to the other night but had to put that off.

[Cynder]

About 6 hours and I'm out of this place for 12 whole days... my day can't go fast enough.

[FarthestEdge]

Have a FANTASTIC adventure Cynder! I am so excited for you.

[Miss Firecracker]

Hope you will have Internet!