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Life On The Rocinante' (After Dark!)


Cynder
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Still can't get spellcheck to work on this site. And considering this is a journal I don't really want to be bothered with editing this post over and over to make sure I got all the mistakes. So I'm sorry if there are mistakes.

 

I am not a fan of drama. Never really have been. But it seems like every time things settle down and get peaceful, crap starts happening.

 

When Z (My curreny girlfriend) and I met, she was involved in what was basically a polyamorous cluster. I say cluster because I don't really know what other word ot use. Basically a whole group fo people who were all dating and sleeping with each other. She was with this girl named Skye who was friends with my ex. Skye had a boyfriend named AJ, who also had a thing with Z. There was also a guy named Troy involved somewhere. And Z and Skye were both dating this girl named Laura as well.

 

Skye is a trouble maker. She can't be trusted. She has been friends with my ex (A) for years. And when A and I were together she used to text me and try to talk me into hooking up with her. I would be going about my day and suddenly get a text from her and it would be her naked saying something like, "This could all be yours baby." WHen I would call her out on it and say things like, "Isn't A supposed to be your best friend? Do you really think he would like it if he knew you were trying to sleep with his girlfriend?" She would say things like, "Well that's why we won't tell." I suppose maybe she was doing this to test my loyalty to A, I don't know. But she would also send him naked pics of herself and try to hook up with him, too. That kind of disresepct and that kind of desperation is a huge turnoff to me. Not just in a sexual/romantic partner but also in a friend. I kicked a lot of people like her out of my life for good reasons.

 

And on top of all this, Skye has also been in trouble with the law a lot. And she runs around with a lot of really shady people. I don't judge. I don't think that if a person has a criminal record they are automatially trash. I know everyone has a past. And to be 100% honest, I've had friends who were criminals who were more loyal as friends than the straight arrow people I've known. But Skye just rubs me the wrong way I guess. I liked her at first. I thought she was funny, etc. But the more I got to know her the more I felt uneasy around her. And then after A and I broke up she was trying to hook me up with Z, but at the same time she was also talking crap about me to Z. She would message me and show me pics of Z and talk about how I should go out with her, etc. Then she would also be messaging Z telling her what a POS I am, etc.

 

Z had her issues with all of these people too. For one, her and Skye were supposed to be a couple. She would tell Skye things in confidence, and then Skye would go and blab to everyone what Z told her in private. The breaking point for Z was a few things actually. For one, she thinks Laura stole fron her. But the last straw was when Skye started hooking up with this guy who was a pedophile and had been in prison for molesting kids, and she also tried to hook Z up with him. That was when Z had enough. She broke it off with all of them and blocked all of them everywhere. She told me after the fact that she was never happy in that situation. She didn't really feel like she was in a relationship with any of these people. She felt like she just had multiple FWBs. She said she was looking for someone she could really be with, not just a bunch of people to bang.

 

When her and I started really talking, I liked her personality and thought she was cute, but I didn't want to get involved with her because she was so tight with all these shady ass people. But then she told me she stopped talking to all of them, and gave me a lot of reasons why, and then I felt a little safer with her. When her and I started dating I blocked them all on Facebook, also.

 

So last night we were just hanging out before she left for work, and out of nowhere she gets this long text message. It's from Troy. And it was like, "Hey, join me and AJ in taking that w**** Skye down even if it's by death. We know you just used her for sex, etc etc, etc." She was going to text back but I told her don't even bother, just screenshot it and report it to the cops. So that's what she did. THen she had to go to work.

 

So when she got home, she told me that she called Skye and told her what was going on. But now Skye wants them to be friends again and start talking again, etc. I told her I know it's not my decision to make, but that does make me a little uneasy, considering what we both know about Skye. I mean, I'm not saying anyone deserve to die. But she has people threatening to kill her. SHe's an instagator and a s*it starter. I just don't want her trying to cause any problems in our lives.

 

Z says she will probably at least give Skye an explanation for why she just stopped talking to her and left the group. But it won't go beyond that. She said she doesn't want to be friends with her, she doesn't want to hang out with her, etc. She just thinks she owes her an explanation. Alright, that I can get behind. I also know Skye is just loving this though because she's an attention seeker. I guess like 20 people got that same text message and a lot of people called the cops, etc.

 

The whole situation just made me so uneasy. Z couldn't understand why I was so upset at first, but after we talked she got it. She told me the only way Skye or any of those people will cause any trouble for us is if we let them. And she's right.

 

I'm getting to old for this high school crap.

Edited by Cynder
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Z and I rearranged and deep cleaned the foyer and the living room. When we were working on the Foyer K came upstairs and saw it and his imediate reaction was to look at me and go "Jeez Auntie!" And then he was with his dad for a few days and didn't see the living room until he came back yesterday. He was standing by the dining room table talking to me when I was on my laptop and he turned around and saw the living room and was like, "Holy macaroni and cheese!" He is so damn cute.

 

I'm going to see The Excorcist on the big screen today. I love going to the movies by myself. Seriously, it's one of my favorite things to do ever. I thought now that I'm in a relationship I wouldn't be doing that much anymore. Z has to work. L is still sick as a dog with strep. So today I'm taking myself out on a little date. It's my favorite holiday, after all. The Excorcist is such a classic, but I never even saw it until I was in my 20s. I think it will be really cool to see it on the big screen. Plus I love movie theater popcorn and it's been forever since I've had it.

 

I remember a few years ago after eating raw organic food for a month to detox for an Ayahuasca ceremony, after the ceremony was done and I could eat regular food again the first thig I did was go to the movies and get a BIG thing of popcorn. And later on that evening I was so sick and nauseous because my body wasn't used to junkfood. Every time I detox for a ceremony I always tell myself I will never go back to eating normally. I always feel so good during my detox. But then when I don't need to detox anymore suddenly I get all these cravings and I go eat whatever I want... and then never got back to the detox diet. I really should start eating like that all the time. It's expensive and not always convenient to do it. But if I can do it for a month before a ceremony I can do it for life.

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I LOVE going to the movies by myself and now I can't because of covid. On mother's day I watched a movie by myself in another room in our small apartment lol -The Founder.

 

My Exorcist story. I was 7 so too young to see it on the screen but saw it soon after on TV. Scared the living crap out of me. So many years later my husband and I took a parenting class at the hospital when I was pregnant. We were given baby dolls to work on. We already were stifling giggles because the instructor had written on the blackboard. And she spelled baby BADY. We just kept pointing at it when she wasn't looking and trying not to laugh, making up silly lines about "badies" etc. Anyway we're given these dolls. Told to change the diaper. Instructor turns around and we're still in this giggly mood. So with her back turned my husband goes pssstttt to me and shows me that he's turned the baby's head all the way around exorcist style. He's about to lose it and me too. Then he quickly turns it back when she turns around. No one else saw. I think. Didn't Carol Burnett do a bit on that scene??

 

I read about ahayusca (sp?) in a long article in the New Yorker some years ago. Wow.

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So you'd mentioned your girlfriend is a cook -maybe a chef? And how it's an art form - so I heard today on NPR about Asha Gomez's new book "I Cook in Color" and apparently she speaks about cooking as an art form (probably visual art!) -anyway made me think of you and what you wrote about cooking as art

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So you'd mentioned your girlfriend is a cook -maybe a chef? And how it's an art form - so I heard today on NPR about Asha Gomez's new book "I Cook in Color" and apparently she speaks about cooking as an art form (probably visual art!) -anyway made me think of you and what you wrote about cooking as art

 

Yea, she has worked as a chef in a few 5 star restaurants. Shes not currently cooking professionally though. She got burnt out on it and she has an office job now. She worked in a Cajun restaurant down south for a long time. And some guy came in there once who had a lot of money and left a huge tip for everyone including her. He asked to see the cook because the food was so good. She came out to his table and he was all surprised because he was expecting some burly cajun guy and not some skinny little white girl.

 

I love to cook but I don't think I could ever do it professionally. And I see it as an art form when I do it. I'm all about making food look really nice too. I'll have to check out her work.

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I'm leaving in about an hour to go film the first shots for this music video project I've been hired to do. L is really amused by the fact that I'm working on a Christian rock project. Hey, I was hired because I'm good at what I do. I'm being paid. I don't really care about the religious beliefs of the people who hired me. I just hope no one on set has any issue with the way I look. I was going through my closet this morning seeing what clean shirts I have. It's amazing how much of my wardrobe is outwordly Satanic. My options for today were my Team Satan shirt, my Satan is my Sugar Daddy shirt, a Baphomet shirt, a Pink Floyd shirt and a Tool shirt. I also have a shirt with a horned Kool Aid man on it that says "Drink Kool Air, Hail Satan." and then there's the "Menstruatin' for Satan." shirt that I got a few years ago also. I do a lot of Goth shows, and so this kind of stuff gets a good laugh out of people at those shows.

 

I went with the Tool shirt if anyone is curious. Not sure what Hoody to wear though. Only options are Baphomet or a Bathory Hoody with a huge inverted pentagram on the back.

 

L is taking K to the doc for his Anxiety. I've never seen a 7 year old worry so much about everything. My dishwasher leaks sometimes and he's terrified that my whole house is going to flood and we're all going to drown. Last night L and I were at the gas station and he was in the backseat. As she was backing outof the parking space her drink started to spill so she braked to stop it. K got so scared he screamed and opened the door and got out of the car. He said he was scared. She told him to never get out of a moving vehicle. She wasn't moving fast, but still. Then he was scared the whole way to the store and back because he thought we were going to wreck the car.

 

I noticed this started around the time she was cooking chicken and some of the grease caught on fire. She just took the flaming pan outside and set it down on the concrete and then poured water on it. But he was really scared. I have a fire exstinguisher in the kitchen. But it wasn't bad enough that we needed to use it.

 

Z has to work 4pm to close on my birthday. I'm going to see about taking the day before off as a vacation day so we have that whole day to spend together.

 

Once again, sorry if there are spelling mistakes, typos in this. Spell check doesn't work on this forum and I'm not going to read and re-read a journal entry over and over to make sure it's oerfect. That kind of takes away the fun of journaling.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I woke up around 2:30 this morning feeling really warm. My hours are weird, so this is the time my day starts some days. I was sitting in Z's room talking to her and I asked her why it's so hot in here. She said it wasn't (hot in here.)

 

Went to work, they took my temp like they always do, it was normal. But that hot feeling never went away. As the day went on I got sicker and sicker. I ket my mask on and didn't get too close to anyone. I had a Doctor's appt today after work. It was a follow up to the appt I had last month about my stomach problems. Well by the time I got there I was coughing, in a lot of pain, and with my nose all stuffed up. So they had to do a covid test. And now I am officially on quarantine until further notice. This sucks. I was off all next week on vacation from work anyway, so my paycheck won't be hit too hard. But now since Z works at a place that caters to a lot of elderly people her and I can't really get too close until I get my test results back. They said sometime next week, but with next week being a holiday that might delay the results even more. So I might end up spending my whole vacation from work shut up away from everyone. I might miss out on Thanksgiving. I might spend the whole time having to be 6 feet away from my SO. I know this is for everyone's safety. But it just sucks. Ten years ago I tried to take the week of Thanksgiving off work. I ended up not being able to enjoy it because I got the damn swine flu. Now I attempt it again and I might have Covid.

 

As far as things are concerned with Z, it could be worse. We live in the same house. We can still talk, laugh, watch Netflix, whatever while being 6 feet apart. It just sucks that there can't be any affection between us. We are both affectionate people.

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So, first day of quarantine. I have stayed in my room all day watching documentaries and drawing. My whole body hurt so bad and my stomach has been upset most of the day. I am no medical expert but I doubt this is covid. It feels exactly like the flu to me. I'm not experiencing any respiratory problems and I don't have a fever anymore. Yesterday I had about a 1 degree fever when I went to the doc's office. That was enough for them to panic a little though. They lead me out the back way so I wouldn't have to go through the lobby, etc.

 

The cab driver who drove me to and from the appt was scared because he's immune-compromised. And of course he went and told everyone who works there. I'm a regular so they all know who I am. I am friends with several of the drivers and the manager on Facebook. So I doubt they will haul me anywhere until I have a negative result. I'm quarantined anyway so I guess I don't really need to go anywhere for the time being.

 

The possibility that Z could lose her job over this really upsets me. I feel awful. And this is probably some residue from being blamed for every single thing that ever went wrong ever when I was a kid, but I've been scolding myself a little over this. I've been telling myself I'm not that sick. Why the hell didn't I just keep my mouth shut? But what if I would have kept my mouth shut and then I actually have it? I could have infected her and L and my nephew.

 

I went downstairs a little bit ago to use the bathroom. Z was standing by the back door with the door cracked smoking a cigarette and K was talking to her. As son as he saw me he put his hands over his mouth. I told him "Don't be scared, I'm more than 6 feet away from you." He was like, "Wow you sound terrible!" He's such an animated kid, I swear. Even ordinary stuff sounds really dramatic when he says it.

 

Well, now I think I'll take some NyQuil and go comatose for about 10 hours

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My test came back positive.

 

Everyone in real life who needs to know has been told.

 

My results were given to me over the phone. When I contacted work and told them, I was told they need to see the results in writing. So I called the Doctor's office and asked them to fax them over to where I work. Well of course they won't do that. So now I need to get my roommate to go pick them up for me. All the money we spend on healthcare, and they can't even send a fax. I actually called again just to make sure they would even give her the results if she shows up. Because of HIPPA and stuff I figured she will get there and they'll refuse because she's not me (even though I'm quarantined.)

 

My girlfriend's job is making her get tested. They want her tested today if possible. So now we are finding out how difficult it is to actually get tested around here. I had an appointment already scheduled for my abdominal problems. And then when I got there I was feeling a lot of symptoms so they tested me. But in her case, "Hey, my girlfriend who I live with just tested positive for Covid, I need to get tested now." she is having a really hard time. There are three different urgent care centers in this town. The first one she called didn't take her insurance. She is upstairs now on the phone. I'm not sure if she found somewhere else to go or not. And she thinks she might have it too. She's had a headache the last few days and she noticed that she can't really smell anything. I hope she doesn't have it too.

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I am so sorry . Please look after yourself .

 

I'm discovering one of the downsides to my work situation. I have a regular job that I go to every day. And then I also run a business in addition to that. My business is about 50% home based. I say that because I travel around working the festival circuit. But the art that I sell at festivals is made here at home in my studio. So it's hard being at home for days at a time and not having the energy to work in the studio. These last few days I've really been scolding myself because I should be working.

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Over the last 24 hours, I've been amazed at how hard it is to get tested in this town. Z has called two different urgent care centers and one Doctor's office. No one seems to be able to help. The Doctor's office can't see her because she hasn't applied to be a patient. One of the urgent care centers won't see her without a doctor's note. The other urgent care center just isn't picking up the phone. She has tried to call them multiple times, both yesterday and today. Smh...

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Over the last 24 hours, I've been amazed at how hard it is to get tested in this town. Z has called two different urgent care centers and one Doctor's office. No one seems to be able to help. The Doctor's office can't see her because she hasn't applied to be a patient. One of the urgent care centers won't see her without a doctor's note. The other urgent care center just isn't picking up the phone. She has tried to call them multiple times, both yesterday and today. Smh...

 

That's awful and really shouldn't be happening considering what it is about .

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That's awful and really shouldn't be happening considering what it is about .

 

She is still waiting to be tested. And where she works wants her to come in tomorrow... knowing she's sick, knowing I tested positive, and knowing she hasn't been tested. They work with a lot of immune compromised people and when they found out about my positive test they were freaking out about it, etc. Now though, that no one wants to work on Thanksgiving they're telling her to just make sure she wears a mask and sanitizes everything. I'm amazed.

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She is still waiting to be tested. And where she works wants her to come in tomorrow... knowing she's sick, knowing I tested positive, and knowing she hasn't been tested. They work with a lot of immune compromised people and when they found out about my positive test they were freaking out about it, etc. Now though, that no one wants to work on Thanksgiving they're telling her to just make sure she wears a mask and sanitizes everything. I'm amazed.

That is god awful. Is there a reporting line for businesses that don’t comply?

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She is still waiting to be tested. And where she works wants her to come in tomorrow... knowing she's sick, knowing I tested positive, and knowing she hasn't been tested. They work with a lot of immune compromised people and when they found out about my positive test they were freaking out about it, etc. Now though, that no one wants to work on Thanksgiving they're telling her to just make sure she wears a mask and sanitizes everything. I'm amazed.

 

Oh good grief , I cringed my way through that ... awful , irresponsible and not acceptable .

 

Hoping you are feeling ok .

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My test came back positive.

 

Everyone in real life who needs to know has been told.

 

My results were given to me over the phone. When I contacted work and told them, I was told they need to see the results in writing. So I called the Doctor's office and asked them to fax them over to where I work. Well of course they won't do that. So now I need to get my roommate to go pick them up for me. All the money we spend on healthcare, and they can't even send a fax. I actually called again just to make sure they would even give her the results if she shows up. Because of HIPPA and stuff I figured she will get there and they'll refuse because she's not me (even though I'm quarantined.)

 

My girlfriend's job is making her get tested. They want her tested today if possible. So now we are finding out how difficult it is to actually get tested around here. I had an appointment already scheduled for my abdominal problems. And then when I got there I was feeling a lot of symptoms so they tested me. But in her case, "Hey, my girlfriend who I live with just tested positive for Covid, I need to get tested now." she is having a really hard time. There are three different urgent care centers in this town. The first one she called didn't take her insurance. She is upstairs now on the phone. I'm not sure if she found somewhere else to go or not. And she thinks she might have it too. She's had a headache the last few days and she noticed that she can't really smell anything. I hope she doesn't have it too.

 

I just saw this and hope you are feeling ok.

 

I agree with Pippy that perhaps her employer should be reported.

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That's awful. I'm so sorry Cynder. That's so irresponsible of her workplace!!

How are you feeling? I hope you have a fast and smooth recovery. And that your girlfriend is able to get the resources she needs and to stay home.

 

I'm actually feeling a little better today, both physically and mentally. I'm starting to get my appetite back. And today I was actually able to eat without feeling nauseous afterwords. One issue I was having the last few days... everything I ate made me feel awful for hours. So I would be starving, but not want to eat because I knew it would just make me sicker. I've been dealing with some stomach problems anyway over the past few months so I'm sure this doesn't help.

 

My mental health has been a little better today too. I was feeling kind of depressed the last couple days. I was looking forward to this week off from work for so long, and then it gets here and I'm spending it sick in my room. But today I spent the majority of the day in my art studio drawing. It was nice to have the energy to get up and actually do something for once.

 

Thanks for asking.

 

Her work told her she doesn't have to work tomorrow, but she might have to still go in on Friday.

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That is god awful. Is there a reporting line for businesses that don’t comply?

 

I'm sure there is. And as bad as it is, neither her or I would probably have the guys to call and report them. We depend on them too much. She depends on them for income, obviously. I haven't mentioned this before because there hasn't been a need to, but she works in the office at a Taxi company. This is the only reliable taxi company here in town and I depend on them to get to work every day. And if a passenger pisses them off they blacklist them. There are a handful of people they refuse to haul anywhere, so I don't want to get on their bad side.

 

And if anyone is wondering, no that isn't how I met her. She had a restaurant job when we met through friends. She didn't start working there until about a month ago.

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