My girlfriend was raped and I don't know what to do..

[Username]

Hey all.. so my girlfriend of about a year recently told me that she was raped by her babysitter when she was young (she is now 19). She didn't really want to give me much insight into the situation but I managed to get her to tell me the name of the * * * * * * * who did it and unfortunately for him I was able to track him down on facebook. My girlfriend told me that once we had spoken about it that one time she never wanted to speak of it again, but I know that its something that is going to haunt her if she doesn't get closure.. i'm just afraid of upsetting her by asking her about it again.

 

I guess I'm posting to ask if anyone know's is there any way that the police could prove that the rape happened considering that it was so long ago? Any input would really be appreciated, I love my girlfriend and don't want her to have to live with something like this in the back of her mind for the rest of her life.

 

Thanks in advance.

[avman]

There can be a really long statute of limitations on child abuse like that. However the police would need to interview your girlfriend. If she's not willing to discuss it then there is really nothing they can do.

 

It might be better for her to talk to a therapist instead and if she gets comfortable enough she may ultimately be able to go to the police later with it.

[mrwebcam]

I am not sure if the police can track it. But from experience my ex was molested by her father and step father and she confided in me. All i could do was support her and be there for her. You need to just be there for her and if she is having a hard time with it, you should bring up for her to go to counseling and let her know and reassure her you will be there 110 percent for her. Took her years to finally come out with it to her family you can't push this topic with her, if she is ready she is ready to come out

[rosephase]

You _have to_ let her lead on this. If she wants something done you should support her. I was sexually abused as a child and emotionally and mentally it's very complicated and disorienting. Listen to her. Be there for her. Don't push her for anything. Don't assume she needs "closure", don't assume anything, listen to her. I have no interest in prosecution (I don't know if there would even be a case since it was more then 20 years ago and it's not like there is evidence) I don't want to drag that awful stuff back up, what I want is to work on myself and move forward. You're girlfriend is young and probably still trying to figure out what she wants and needs around this issue that takes time and patience. Listen to her and love her. Don't take any action unless she is telling you clearly that she wants you to take action.

[Kitkat973]

I agree completely with Rosephase. It's difficult to sit back and do nothing when you find out about something like that, but it really has to be up to the person who experienced the trauma to decide how to deal with it. You have to focus on her, not on making things right. That she told you at all is a big step.

[henryfirst]

She telling you the name of the guy doesn't make any sense.

 

If she doesn't have closure,

-she must go to the police and report it. Would the police find evidence or not, it's THEIR job.

-she must also see a shrink / therapist.

[ferna3069]

well my ex was abused as a kid to, one day she freaked out on me. i told her mom because i didnt know what else i could do. this situations are hard because if u do one thing wrong it can make everyhting bad. if u can get her to go to a therapist.dont push her though

[Gracelove]

Hey There!!!

 

If your girlfriend isn't comfortable talking about the abuse, it's best not to bring it up again. Unfortunately, whether the person who did it, is punished or not, she will have to live with what happened for the rest of her life.

 

She probably told you because she felt you had the right to know (since the two of you are in a relationship). Contacting the police may make things worse for her. If the police are contacted they will have to question her. If she is barely comfortable discussing it with you, she probably won't be comfortable discussing it with strangers.

 

It's probably best to just go on with things as usual. You're not a robot of course, so I'm sure this new knowledge has affected you. Maybe you can talk to her about your feelings regarding what you've learned, and not the actual event itself.