He asked for a threesome?

[LolaMay4559]

I've had a friend with benefits for about 9 months now. When we first met we had chemistry right off the bat. The reason we've never dated is because we both have very different outlooks. The sex has always been amazing, so we kept hooking every few weeks. The last night we were going to meet up, I asked him if he had any friends (because he was out with them) who wanted to meet a friend of mine. I described her hair color and which college she had attended. He said he would check with them.

 

Then an hour later he told me to bring her with me, that his bed was big enough. Then he suggested even meeting us somewhere if it would be more convenient for both of us. I told him she couldn't and then asked if I could still come. He said yeah, that he would text me when he headed home after dinner. An hour later he texted and said he was going to bed, and not even meet up with me. Needless to say, I got mad! The next night I texted him and he didn't respond, so a few hours and drinks later, I texted him again and told him that I wasn't going to be sleeping with him anymore and for him to stop contacting me. I told him I wouldn't contact him either, that I'm ready to find a man who wants more. However, I didn't mention the threesome suggestion and how much it bothered me.

 

A week later (this past Saturday night) he texts me that he knows I got mad and he didn't mean to piss me off. He then tells me that he's at the place where we first met. I don't respond because I'm asleep. He texts me again and says it's ok he knows I don't want to talk to him. I text him yesterday and tell him that I'm not mad at him, my feelings were hurt because of the threesome suggestion, and that I realized that I may be too attached for friends with benefits anymore. He never responded.

 

I have several questions. In your opinions, did I handle this correctly? Did he ask for a threesome because he was bored with sleeping with me? And did he text me again because he's trying to keep me lined up, or because he actually cares that I'm mad? I feel better now that I laid it all out on the table, and the ball is in his court.

[Batya33]

I think you did the right thing by telling him that your sexual arrangement is not working for you. I think he asked for a threesome because he wants a threesome - assume that people tend to move towards pleasure and away from pain, and assume that trying to read his mind is pretty unproductive. I think he texted you again because he wants to stay in contact with a person who up till now has been available to have sex with him when he wants to have sex. It's normal to care whether he cares about your feelings but since you chose (until now) to have this sexual arrangement you kind of took the risk that you might not know whether his motivations in how he treats you are focused mostly on continuing the sexual arrangement or for some other reason. I'm glad you expressed your feelings and I agree it's up to him to respond or not. Good luck.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

I guess you need to sit and think about WHY you got mad. He suggested a 3some, you didn't need to get mad, you could have just said, "no - that's not my thing." Even people in real relationships have 3somes sometimes and that doesn't mean that they love their partner any less - think of it as a variety/fun thing.

 

that said - you are a FWB. for 9 months. realistically - how long do you think this relationship can go on like this? eventually, one of you will meet someone you like better and want to have a real relationship with - or you will develop deeper feelings and realize this needs to be over.

[Day_Walker]

I think that if you want more than FWB you made a good decision. It would seem that you got mad at his request for a threesome because it made you feel that you werent enough for him (that is the indication I got from your post). You had a good run with a FWB and it is time to move on.

[hexaemeron]

Emotions got involved. Cardinal mistake. Next!

[DylanNotorious]

And did he text me again because he's trying to keep me lined up

 

Yeah of course. Your his FWB - he's not trying to date you.