Looking Too Young?

[drake89]

Yes, I know how ridiculous the title sounds and I feel so silly and kind of self-absorbed for writing about this thing that's been gnawing away for me a year or so, but since I joined this website, I've felt that venting my feelings made me feel a bit better. I've never told anyone this because I feel people are going to laugh or castigate me. So here goes:

 

I'm 21 but I look as if 16. I've never even shaved. In my first post a few days ago, I wrote about how the past year has been difficult due to some family drama which hurled me into a tail-spin and led me to isolation and a complete loss of social skills. My youthful looks haven't always contradicted my age; when I was 15, I looked like an average 15-year-old would. It's just that my looks didn't evolve much after that. I've spent almost all of my entire life happy and had friends around me and had little insecurity. In fact, when I was at university a few years ago and I still looked younger than most my age, it never bothered me. I know a lot of girls my age tend to dig guys that look or act a little older, but when I was happy, it never bothered me. In fact, I got along well with girls; a lot of them told me I was cute in both looks and personality -most of them meant in the "I want to cuddle you way" and not the "I want you in my bed" kind of way. And I was fine with that. I guess I've always been a kind of "nice guy" person and even though I've seen a lot of "bad boys" get girls, I've never been tempted to be that kind of person because that's just not me. I wouldn't last two seconds.

 

Although I've never been in a deep relationship and I've been yearning for one ever since my hormones kicked in, I've had a few flings in the past and they were pretty cool experiences. I even remember an incident during university that made me laugh back in the day but now makes me feel insecure. I used to work part-time in a nightclub as a barman and it was "kiddies" night; a party for under 17s where alcohol wasn't served. A couple of girls (who looked about 13) hit on me and I politely told them they were pretty but I was far too old for them. And they thought I was kidding, because I looked younger than my 19 years. I remember going back to halls and laughing with my buddies about it. Whereas now when I think about it, I cringe.

 

I feel inferior. I don't feel like a man. I feel like a boy, and some of you may think I am a boy for saying such things, but it's just how I feel. I don't want to feel like this, but every time I look at old friends on Facebook or something and they look like full grown men and women, it really gets to me. I guess my feelings about my looks have been exacerbated because of where I am in life; I dropped out of university after going through a turbulent time and I've done nothing since. My friends have graduated this year and are all moving in life, therefore making me feel more inferior and more child-like. It's no secret that life isn't exactly great right now.

 

Sometimes I despise myself for feeling like this, because I know there are millions of people whose situations aren't even in the same ballpark as mine. And I feel guilty, almost shameful. But I also can't help but feel a sting when a store clerk asks me for identification when I want to buy an 18 rated DVD or videogame. I'm having an eye test tomorrow before dropping in on my GP to see whether I can get help for my depression. I'm hoping it'll be worthwhile. I want to get back to my old self.

 

Thank you for your time.

[Kitkat973]

I don't think that looking young precludes being in a relationship. When he was twenty one, my partner came to visit me. On the plane ride, he was asked if he was old enough to sit in the emergency exit row.

 

The required age is fifteen.

 

Today, at twenty six, he doesn't look a day older than in his senior highschool pictures.

 

There are other ways to clue into your age, though, if you're uncomfortable with the way you're being viewed. Hairstyle and dress often help place someone's age.

[luminousone]

Honestly your situation will resolve itself in a few years - believe me when I say that, because I used to have the same problem (minus the shaving issue, lol) and fast forward 25 years and no problem! (I definitely look my age...)

 

As far as the shaving - have you discussed this with your doctor? (Assuming it isn't normal for your family history or race...)

 

As far as meeting women - I would suggest you enrich your life with things you love to do - volunteer for an organization you believe in, join a hiking club, start looking into your faith (if applicable), whatever is all about you. You may then meet others (including women) that have the same interests as you. Also, put it out there with your friends that you are interested in meeting someone.

 

As far as the carding - I used to have that problem many years ago, and it eventually resolved itself. I had to have a sense of humor about it all...

 

When I was 25 I had a very bad year, because I did a head trip with myself about how I was a failure at meeting my goals in life. Eventually I learned how to appreciate where I am in life, and many years later I am very grateful for many things.

 

You can always find things each day to be grateful for - just look around you - friends, family, a roof over your head, your health, today's sunset, etc.

 

For University - you can always go to have some career counseling to see what your strengths are and what occupations would be good for you. When studying you may very well meet the love of your life.

 

In the meantime, I do believe that opportunities will be there for you - you just have to have patience, and then courage to go beyond your comfort zone.

 

Hang in there with your depression - try very hard to go to sleep each and every day full of gratitude for what you have, instead of misery for what you don't - and you will be amazed at how your life out look can change through time. It is also good that you are going to a physician - and a good therapist may be in order too.

[RelaxByWater84]

I'm 26 and I look like I'm 16. I still get carded when I go to see an R rated movie. I'll be thankful when I'm older that I look younger than my age.

[MattW]

I'm in exactly the same boat, here. Most people seem to think I'm 15 or less. I even had someone mistake me for being under the age of 12, a year or two ago. Some of the more generous people will guess 17 or 18. Honestly, it bugs me that people even feel the need to point it out to me. I have a part time job in retail, and I can't tell you how many customers frequently point out that they thought I was a young child, for no real reason at all. It's just... why? What compels so many people to come up to me and tell me that I look like a little kid? I don't get it.

 

I've tried many different things, from changing the way I dress, to my hairstyle, etc., and it's never helped me any. I had tried growing in facial hair, but I stopped once it grew out to a certain point on my chin, and that didn't help any. I'm currently trying to get it to grow out on the rest of my face, but it's take what seems like forever.

 

Part of it has to do with my height, I'm pretty sure. I'm only, like, 5'1", maybe 5'2". But even still, I have a naturally young looking face, and even my voice is kinda squeaky and not very "masculine".

 

I dunno, but it's really frustrating, and I wish I knew how to get people to stop looking at me like I'm a child. I don't act immature, I'm probably a lot more mature and well-spoken than a lot of other people I've met. I don't even bother attempting to flirt or even ask out girls, because I don't feel they'd be attracted to me any way, because what 22 year old girl is going to want to go out with a "15 year old boy"?

[drake89]

I don't think that looking young precludes being in a relationship. When he was twenty one, my partner came to visit me. On the plane ride, he was asked if he was old enough to sit in the emergency exit row.

 

The required age is fifteen.

 

Today, at twenty six, he doesn't look a day older than in his senior highschool pictures.

 

There are other ways to clue into your age, though, if you're uncomfortable with the way you're being viewed. Hairstyle and dress often help place someone's age.

 

Thanks for the insight, Kitkat. It's good to know I'm not alone. I see you've mentioned attire - well, I feel I've always dressed as if I'm my age, although I've never tried anything new with my hair. It may be some well worth looking into. Thank you

[drake89]

Hey luminousone. Thank you for taking the time to read and write. Much appreciated. I see you said you used to have a sense of humour about it all when you were younger . . . I can relate to you entirely. That's what I wrote in the beginning. When I was happy, I was never insecure about my youthful looks. Old friends would gently joke about how I'd never shaved and I'd laugh it off. I was never offended. But this last year has really made me see things in a different perspective, almost all for the worse. I'd never thought I'd be insecure about my looks, but I am because of my depression and that's something I'm going to try and fight, starting with tomorrow when I see the doctor.

 

I see where you're going with the women and the career counselling. I kinda joined a group I'm interested in and met a girl with the same interests . . . but that's another story. But I appreciate what you're saying; that the possibilities are there and I know they are. It's just getting to the point where I have enough courage and strength to challenge those obstacles. I do try to appreciate what I have in life, and that's why I feel guilty when I voice my feelings because I know people out there are suffering much more than I am. Thanks again.

[drake89]

I'm 26 and I look like I'm 16. I still get carded when I go to see an R rated movie. I'll be thankful when I'm older that I look younger than my age.

I also try to think about it from that perspective, but I find it difficult to sustain it.

[drake89]

Hey, Matt. I know what you're talking about. It really is irritating, isn't it? Like you said, you work in retail and what would a 12-year-old be doing working in retail? I don't think the people that say these things are nasty or anything - in fact a lot of them are nice people, but I guess they just don't understand just how irritating it is to be branded as a little kid when you're not. But I'm hoping I can get over this with help, and I hope that you can do, too

[Daligal83]

I look young too. At 27, I often get mistaken for a teenager. I had a coworker tell me that the only reason she thought I was 18 was because of where we work. She was shocked to find out my real age. You just have to roll with it. You can't change having a young face. But you can control how you present yourself, and it sounds like you have that covered. You just have to get to know people so they can get to know your mature personality. And like another poster said, hairstyle and clothing can help as well. Also, maybe building up some muscle mass? I feel like it always makes guys look older when they have even a little muscular definition. It can counteract the "baby face" affect to some extent.

[lost1607307474]

I'm 23 and I look about 15. I hate it, and I experience the same issues you do. Every day I feel like I'm not being taken seriously in my job or other things. You've just got to try and not let it bother you. People who judge on the way you look are not worth your time, once they are aware of your age they should respect you for your age/experience. Like many others have said, you just have to roll with it. Just act mature and present yourself in a mature way and people will respect you. But I know exactly how you feel. Especially now since I'm unmarried and pregnant people are going to think I'm some kind of irresponsible pregnant teen.

[GhostOfPast]

I, too look young. But I am only 20. People ask me if I'm a freshman in high school! Looking 14 was a bit outrageous to me, especially since I have the bosom and the derrier of a woman. It's definitely the baby face and the height. How I dressed and how my hair was and earrings certainly fixed it up to some point. Once you carry yourself a certain way, wear certain things your age may become obvious. I still get carded for R rated movies and getting into dave and buster's but it has lessened. Looking younger is every older person's dream later on in life, it seems like a curse at first but you will learn to appreciate it, and you will definitely find a woman who loves that about you.

[drake89]

Hey guys and girls. Thanks for all your responses. Much appreciated. It's good to know that I'm not the only one alone (I kind of felt foolish for bringing up the topic) and that there are others that feel the same way. There's been some good notes of advice and I'll be taking your words on board. Thanks again.

[FathomFear]

One question--have you spoken with a medical professional about this? If you're 21 and never shaved there might be issues relating to hormones which could be addressed. But I know this depends wildly on your particular ethnic background and such. Not everyone manifests the same way physiologically. For example, I'm 31 and never grew any chest hair to speak of. While I have hair below the waist and even on my arms/hands, it never grew on my chest.

 

Additionally, I'm sure this is something which therapists/psychologists are skilled at addressing as well, as there are clear psychological implications when a person ages without corresponding physical aging. It causes stress and anxiety, which you're clearly feeling. It couldn't hurt taking this avenue as well.