Seraphim Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I will admit outright I am pretty super picky. I like everything just so. I like the pillows on the sofa just so, no fluff on the carpet, nothing out of place, no dust, you get the idea. I drive my son and my husband absolutely nuts with constantly fixing and arranging etc. Just today before my company came I think I must have vacuumed and swept at least 10 times before they arrived because I would see cat hair or something else on the carpet or a spot here or there. My husband likes clean and tidy of course, arranging things just so he really does not care about in the least. On days we have people over or go for holiday I routinely drive myself around the bend with the expectation of perfection. How does one get over the need to have perfection? I will say that my mother is exactly the same. If it is not to HER standard then it is not right. So I was raised to do it "right" or it had to be done till it was "right". I think I am slowly driving my family nuts though. Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Sit down and make a list of behaviors that you engage in that you think are reasonable when it comes to this, and ones that you think are unreasonable. Once you have it out in front of you, you can take a look at it and try to think of things that you can do to address the things that you have decided go over the line of what you want. Making the list can be helpful, too- the more you balk on a point, bargain, or rationalize, the bigger of a clue that is that the thing you're balking over is an issue. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Could you have a form of OCD Vic? I work with a girl who is just like you described yourself and she was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago. She didn't think it was but since it comes in varying levels and to certain things, it could be something you could explore. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 17, 2011 Author Share Posted July 17, 2011 Sit down and make a list of behaviors that you engage in that you think are reasonable when it comes to this, and ones that you think are unreasonable. Once you have it out in front of you, you can take a look at it and try to think of things that you can do to address the things that you have decided go over the line of what you want. Making the list can be helpful, too- the more you balk on a point, bargain, or rationalize, the bigger of a clue that is that the thing you're balking over is an issue. Yeah, I guess that is true, if I am making a really big point of it, I probably am being unreasonable. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 17, 2011 Author Share Posted July 17, 2011 Could you have a form of OCD Vic? I work with a girl who is just like you described yourself and she was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago. She didn't think it was but since it comes in varying levels and to certain things, it could be something you could explore. I don't know OG. My husband and my son have been diagnosed OCD. I know it is learned partially. Who knows maybe, my mother is SUPER picky and so was her mother. I do not know if it is a learned pickiness or actual OCD. I mean I am not sure if I ritualize, like my husband and my son. I am pretty sure I don't. I don't feel I HAVE to do something or something bad will happen or anything like that. It could be I am just "picky". Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Yeah, I guess that is true, if I am making a really big point of it, I probably am being unreasonable. Yeah. Things that are reasonable tend to get balked less over- cleaning the cat's litter box, making sure all the dishes are done, etc, are things that kind of just are. I make this kind of list all the time when I am working on editing a rough draft. The more I stomp my feet and screech about something, I've realized, the more I need to take a good, long, hard look at it. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I don't know OG. My husband and my son have been diagnosed OCD. I know it is learned partially. Who knows maybe, my mother is SUPER picky and so was her mother. I do not know if it is a learned pickiness or actual OCD. I mean I am not sure if I ritualize, like my husband and my son. I am pretty sure I don't. I don't feel I HAVE to do something or something bad will happen or anything like that. It could be I am just "picky". Well I have OCD on certain things. It's never that I feel something bad will happen, it just if not done a certain way, drives me crazy. Like one of mine is writing has to be centered and neat. I physically had to make myself be okay with our wedding invites - because I did them and they were no way centered or the lines straight - and even now thinking about it, it bothers me. And I have a aversion to square things. So it may be you have it but not to a degree as some who have to like knock on a door five times before walking through it. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 I guess it is possible, because there are different levels. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 And it could be a combination of the two. How you were raised, your own level of pickness, coupled with OCD. I'm not a clean freak - my room needs it desperatly now and I just can't be bothered - but it will get to a point were it physically starts to bother me and that's when I know it's kicking in for me. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 A question I find helpful is, "Do I want to create a stage or a home?" If people can't live comfortably with my efforts, then I'm opting for a stage (for whom?) rather than an inspiring place of interaction for those I love. I also find it helpful to force myself to put function over form when I'm split down the middle. I enjoy the challenge of combining both to the max--so I design spaces around people, not the other way around. When all else fails, I work out my steam with a handheld Shark steamer with the bonnets. It's fun, and it's taught me that I don't need to sweat it when life happens all over my home. I can stay calm and uncontrolling, then sanitize like nobody's business when nobody's looking. ; ) Link to comment
FathomFear Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Sounds like OCD to me. There's a distinct difference between liking a specific level of cleanliness and obsessing overing it and insisting that it be maintained. While I would prefer a living room with no visible cat hairs when company is over, for example, I'm not going to re-vacuum just because I missed a few spots. It just doesn't bother me and I know it's not going to bother 99% of the people I might have visiting. I think this in the mindset most people have. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Instead of breaking out the vacuum to sweat the small stuff, try keeping one of those masking-tape pet rollers handy to grab for spot checks. "Sometimes appearing to be reasonable is more important than actually being reasonable." --Joy Browne Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Hey Vic, I've a question for you. Do you hold your friends and family to these standards as well, or is it just of yourself that you expect perfection? Say, if you came to my house, and the sofa covers were a bit disheveled, or the hand towel in the bathroom wasn't properly folded...would you even notice? Would it bother you? Would you want to fix it? Would you think I am a bad housekeeper? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 Hey Vic, I've a question for you. Do you hold your friends and family to these standards as well, or is it just of yourself that you expect perfection? Say, if you came to my house, and the sofa covers were a bit disheveled, or the hand towel in the bathroom wasn't properly folded...would you even notice? Would it bother you? Would you want to fix it? Would you think I am a bad housekeeper? No, I don't hold anyone else to my standards, not at all. I hold only myself to those standards. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 No, I don't hold anyone else to my standards, not at all. I hold only myself to those standards. Well someone said this to me once, about a similar issue, and it kinda slapped me in the face: Who do you think you are, that you have to be better than everyone else? Sounds really, really snarky, and you know I don't mean it, but think about it. If you hold no one else to those standards, it's because you know they are unrealistic and you understand that life has a way of sabotaging a perfectly clean and orderly home... So why are you not entitled to be cut the same slack that you feel others are entitled to? Another thing that has been said to me, which I think are wise words: When your child(ren) are grown, they won't remember if the house was always 'perfect', but they WILL remember if they had fun... I get the desire to pass the white-glove test, but you have to accept that there is such a thing as 'good enough'. My rule is now that if the house can be 'company ready' in 30 minutes or less (allowing time for a sweep, quick clean of the bathroom, and putting a few things away), then it's 'good enough'. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 Yes, I totally see what you are saying FE. Link to comment
Nymeria Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 My mom is-well,was- the same way. As a child of a clean freak I can say it hurt my relationship with my mom. Now that I live alone I understand the need to be clean but there were times where I needed her to be there for me and she would interrupt that moment with "Your dress isn't ironed, your hair is greasy". Now that my sister and I are out of the house she has come to the realization that her need for everything to be perfect stemmed from the fact that things she couldn't control weren't (i.e divorce, money issues). I would say to make a chore chart and that way you won't have to stress yourself out about everything. Whoever doesn't do the chore gets 'punished' and they have to do it, not you. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Maybe it stems from the fact I was not in control of anything when I was small. It could also stem from some abuse that I suffered and I have the image of "dirty" in my head so it helps to make up for it. Also the way I was raised. My mother had a round about way of demanding perfection in a lot of ways and she still does. I see what you mean though. I do have a lot of fun with my son though. We do a lot of things together like today we all went fishing. Link to comment
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