Seraphim1607308578 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been having trouble and i just dont know what to do anymore. a little backstory is probably in order before i go tot he issue. I met this girl online, for the story, we'll call her L. L and i have known each other for about five years now. She and I met on a chatroom around the same time i met my ex girlfriend, and we became fast friends. for the four years i was with my ex, she acted as my moral support and best friend through all of our issues and problems, offering advice and generally trying to help, but things ended badly and about two months after the breakup, i mentioned that i had feelings for her and we began dating. It is a long distance relationship, but we have been together for about 8 months now, i have visited her in her home-state and she has come here, we have been planning to move in together in her home state because her schooling is paid for by scholarship, so it would make more sense for me to move up there, being only a part time student myself (and unfortunately, a somewhat low graded one at that). anyways, i know she has a few emotional issues, her best friend committed suicide last year, her ex left her on the day before her birthday, and "coincidentally", met a new girl with the same name the next day. Her father was , and still is somewhat abusive, her sister is a druggie, I think her mom has been her only real support for a while at home, and i try to help however i can. Whenever she gets stressed out though, she starts second guessing our relationship, telling me i would be better finding someone who lives here, and i know i have some issues too emotionally (i have extremely low self esteem) but this girl means the world to me, i mean, when i'm with her, its the only time i truly feel happy. Anyways, she will go from being happy and excited about something (for instance, an upcomming visit down here for a week) and then within minutes i start to hear her voice sound more upset and she'll say something about not wanting to talk, and a couple hours later, she decides its not working out and she wants to break up. This has happened several times (about four) and every time i talk to her for a couple hours and we are good after that, but it just gets to me a bit, i mean, i love this woman completely, with all of my heart, i would do anything in the world for her, and every time this happens, not only is it breaking my heart, it feels like she's putting herself down, saying i would be better with someone else and stuff like that. I always tell her that i could never want anyone else, that i love her and everything, but its always the same "thats what you say now, but you never know, you'll find someone" i'm at wits end because i love this woman with every fiber of my being, but i dont know what to do anymore, i cant take the constant break ups and everything, but i cant lose her. i feel like everything is falling apart and i'm trying to hold it together and it just keeps falling. I love this girl, i cant even imagine life without her, but i cant deal with all the uncertainty. I would do anything for her, but when she says ssomething like "then forget about me", i just cant deal with it, i worry so much about her all the time because i dont know what i would do if i lost her, but i feel like half the time when she's like that, thats what she's pushing it towards. Link to comment
Seraphim1607308578 Posted July 17, 2011 Author Share Posted July 17, 2011 we are now "broken up" again. She says she still loves me and still wants to come visit again next week but doesnt want to date cause she doesnt feel its 'going well" Link to comment
Snny Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Some things to point out in your post... You have been "together" for 8 months... a relationship over the internet... and are already talking about moving in together? That's a really big commitment to jump into with someone who you date "on and off" and met over the internet. Be careful. Even though you have been talking to her for 5 years, advancing from the friendship zone to the relationship zone with that person changes dynamics. I know because my fiance was my best friend for a year before we started becoming romantically involved and there were a lot of significant changes when that happened. IMO, it is really too soon to decide to move in with her and if she is playing the "hot and cold game" and is telling you to NOT move in, that is a serious red flag to consider. The other fact is that this girl is carrying a lot of emotional baggage INTO the relationship... she really needs to work that out with a professional counselor. You can be supportive, but she would benefit so much from seeking a professional to work out her problems so she doesn't destroy her relationship with you. I see you have broken up regardless... I would suggest moving on at this point since she has so many issues on her end to fix. Link to comment
Seraphim1607308578 Posted July 17, 2011 Author Share Posted July 17, 2011 i cant move on though, i genuinely love her, i cant even think of wanting to be with anyone else Link to comment
Seraphim1607308578 Posted July 17, 2011 Author Share Posted July 17, 2011 i mean its not like we havent met before or anything, we have visited in the past when we were just friends, and i've been up there, met her family, spent a lot of time with her, and she's done the same down here, i mean, i feel like she is the one, we're just so perfect together when we're not like this Link to comment
chels023 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 She definitely has a lot of emotional baggage and things that she needs to deal with on her own. It sounds like you're head over heels for this girl, but I think you need ground yourself in reality here. She's broken up with you over four times and keeps coming up with reasons why you shouldn't be together. I sense that maybe she's not having the same feelings toward the relationship anymore, but keeps second-guessing herself (thus, the continuous breaking up/getting back together). I know you love her, but I have a feeling she might break your heart in the end and decide she wants to end things for good. It's better for you to move on and find someone who's ready to commit to a stable relationship. There are PLENTY of girls out there that would actually appreciate the love and commitment you have to offer. Also - the moving-in thing? Not a good idea, especially if your relationship is already this rocky. Link to comment
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