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What do you think about a 29 yr old guy asking out a 19 year old?

Vince99

By Vince99
in Age Gap Relationships

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WildHorse Newbie

WildHorse

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That was the age gap between my parents. They've been married for 29 years this past May. I think it's a leap of faith for both... At age 19, you do so much growing and changing. Her priorities are bound to be different than a 29-year-old's. But it worked out in my parents' case, thankfully

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lalalollipops Community Regular

lalalollipops

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^ yeah lol exactly. But do bear in mind, you are at different stages in your lives. I was always more mature than people my age, but I do admit, from 18-21, I've changed COMPLETELY in terms of my perception on life and people and relationships. How about finding somebody uh closer to your age?

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90_hour_sleep Experienced

90_hour_sleep

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it's taboo. that's the only way it's any different than any other relationship. people never stop changing...ever.

 

it's a complete crapshoot to make any sort of prediction. just because it's taboo doesn't mean it's not subject to the same sort of ambivalence as most other relationships.

 

i can't see into the future...can you?

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banal Rookie

banal

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^ yeah lol exactly. But do bear in mind, you are at different stages in your lives. I was always more mature than people my age, but I do admit, from 18-21, I've changed COMPLETELY in terms of my perception on life and people and relationships. How about finding somebody uh closer to your age?

 

Exactly. I've been in my share of age-different relationships. I don't oppose them (from experience) because of taboo or whatever; it's because both partners will be at totally different life stages. In the OP's case: you're 29. Now let's assume for the sake of argument that you don't just want to use this woman for sex. In that situation it doesn't matter if she's 19 or 29 really. So, suppose you want a real relationship. You are looking to get married at some point in the RELATIVELY near future. You've either started or will be starting a legitimate career. You want your partner to support you emotionally and to "be there" for you. And your teenager girlfriend? She may be starting college, and the stuff you're concerned about frankly is not on her mind. She wants to go out, have a good time, party, focus on her schoolwork, make friends, see the world, experience things - etc etc etc. She's not looking to settle down, and you are. In two years time, you'll have changed very little, and she'll have changed a great deal.

 

If you're the kind of person who can love someone for a little while and move on when it's over, happy to have enjoyed what you had shared with someone else, then great, by all means indulge. Otherwise, it's a bad idea. Avoid.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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Posted
[…] And your teenager girlfriend? She may be starting college, and the stuff you're concerned about frankly is not on her mind. She wants to go out, have a good time, party, focus on her schoolwork, make friends, see the world, experience things - etc etc etc. She's not looking to settle down, and you are. In two years time, you'll have changed very little, and she'll have changed a great deal. […]

 

While I agree with all this, the opposite is an even bigger setup to get your heart broken. If she's game to settle down prematurely and start making babies, how long before she grows weary of that and feels robbed of the freedoms and play time all her peers enjoyed?

 

None of my concerns about this would be moral, they'd be practical.

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forever1130 Enthusiast

forever1130

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I'll go ahead and give you my opinion based on personal experience.

 

My last boyfriend was 5 years older than me (started dating at ages 16/21 and lasted until we were 20/25). I had absolutely no problem with this age gap and not once did I feel like dating someone older would cause me to lose out on the experiences everyone else my age was having. It also helped that my boyfriend was very understanding when it came to certain things such as curfew.

 

Recently I've been talking to another guy who is 29 and I get a very different vibe from him. I realize he's only 4 years older than my last boyfriend but when put together those 9 years make a huge difference. I feel like he is less comfortable with the fact that I still live at home with my parents, have a curfew, go to school and can't legally drink. I know this isn't the case with all guys but it is definitely much more noticeable with him than with my old boyfriend and the only thing I can attribute it to is the larger age gap.

 

I think the most important part is just that both parties need to make sure they are on the same page with everything before trying to start a relationship..

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dali Newbie

dali

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If at some point you have to ask yourself 'will I hold her back from life?' then it's best to let go. Sometimes doing the selfless thing takes courage, i don't think I could be happy knowing I made someone miss out on a period of their life that everyone needs to experience in their own way. .

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OptomisticGirl Mentor

OptomisticGirl

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If at some point you have to ask yourself 'will I hold her back from life?' then it's best to let go. Sometimes doing the selfless thing takes courage, i don't think I could be happy knowing I made someone miss out on a period of their life that everyone needs to experience in their own way. .

 

Anyone can hold anyone back though, of any age. And as a 23 year old who has never been 'typical' and never wanted to just date around but wanted to settle down for as long as I can remember, everyone comes in different cuts. Some people want to spend their 20's exploring life by themselves wiithout being tied down - others of us have no desire to explore life in that way.

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