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when is love love and not in love


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I have a question to the group. My partner and I have been together for 15 months. During this time he has said that he loves me but is not in love with me. THat has always caused a considerable strain on the relationship and recently we have split.

He is looking for the fairytale first kiss and fireworks. Does such a thing exist?

I am deeply in love with him and when we split, he has been so emotional and upset. Saying things like he loves me more than he has ever loved anyone else, but that love is not enough for him. He thinks he is not good enough for me and that I can do better.

Should i pursue? I think he is crazy

All replies welcome.


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When someone breaks up with you, regardless of what they say, it's best to respect the fact they they aren't willing to be in a relationship with you. If that changes, they know how to reach you.


Relationships are voluntary. You can't guilt someone or work someone into wanting what they don't want. If his feelings aren't 'enough' for him, then he's really the only one who gets a vote about that.


I'd quit all contact, allow him to miss you, and if he ever decides that he's made a mistake and wants to reconcile, you'll be in a better position to decide whether he's really offering enough to you.


Staying in contact to manipulate him defeats the whole purpose.

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SOOOO TRUE, both responses!


Break ups are very hard, but they happen for a reason..... 1 person does more, wants more, and the answer is that all the smoke from the first fireworks does blow away, and the pretty colors go. then the truth is left, and sometimes the truth left is a mismatch held together by emotions alone.


It is hard and I feel for you, but you cannot chase something that isn't there for both of you. Fear of being alone is no reason to stay together.



look after yourself!

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