Would love a womans input

[REGUY]

So I have been sitting and thinking about my break up ( where together for around 4 months ) and split now 2.5 weeks. I have found that I was the rebound guy to a somewhat of a mutual friend. He and I never really hung out but shared a friend group.

 

So we got together and completely hit it off and spent every single day together. I was amazing to her she saw it and completely fell for me. And i fell for her more than anything. So fast forward a couple months and i told one of her friends that we had been together and she completely flipped and dumped me. I begged and told her how she broke my heart for the first time etc, and we were together after a week. I see know that this is the step of taking me back out of pitty . So we were good for about a week and then back to * * * * . 2.5 weeks ago she ditches me again because of the issues we had. Her friend tells me that she still cares about me but she is so concerned about her ex fighting out she dated one of his "friends" ( dudes a * * * * head and not really someone i considder a friend) and never talked to her again.

 

So in the past couple weeks a went back to what I knew would work adn started trying to use logic ( i treated you great, we can make this work, i showed you how to be treated ) etc. And she is being so cold and not moving at all. In the begnning of the breakup I was texting all day and crying etc... now its a coupld text every over day to a couple days.

 

Where I want the response is, just because she is being cold and not saying anything is she not even thinking about me?? We spent every day together, how can you just not think about something or somebody when it is consuming my how day....

 

I have a business to run and I cant keep thinking about this damn 4 month relationship with a 21 year girl..( im 25 ).... Ive been in a 5 years realtionship.. Breakup didnt bother me... 1.5 relationship, didnt bother me... this stupid 4 month relationship is killing me. What do I do besides do nothing and NC.

[wicked6018]

just because she is being so cold and ignoring you doesn't mean she isn't thinking about you...BUT, she sounds like she doesn't really care. i'd get over her.

[REGUY]

ADVICE NEEDED ASAP..... She has been ignoring me for three weeks... obvi ignoring and seeing and not responding. Very cold... She just texted me asking if i was going to be leaving town and going where she is this wekeend for her birthday because I had originally bought her the tickets.... Do i not responded even tho its obvi that im ignoring.... She been doing it to me for weeks.... turn the tables or what do i say????

[corgidude]

I guess the first question is, are you going to be leaving town and traveling there? You say you bought tickets for her... did you give them to her?

 

My advice, if you're planning on going, and she's there, I'd rethink that. It will make it look like you're going there to see her, and if she's ignoring you, that probably will not work in your favor at all.

 

Give a little more info on the subject of the coming weekend, the tickets, etc... it's hard to give advice without knowing all the details.

[Irial]

I think wether or not she is thinking about you, she doesn't want to get back together. That is why she is acting cold. She just wants to move on. She wasn't ready for this, apparently, if she is still worrying about her ex. Stop wondering what she's thinking of and start moving on. NC is the way to go. There is nothing else for you to do except keep busy and do things you enjoy. Time will do the rest.

 

And about the message she sent, I'd just not reply. Ignore her and don't keep in touch. At all. And imho, don't go wherever it is that she's going to be, spare yourself the drama.

[REGUY]

I originally bought a package for us and her friends to go. 2 days later she dumped me. Last week she found out that I was still going, but i was not aware that her and her friends went and bought the same trip but with out me. This is after tons of present that are now sitting in my office and she continues to ignore me. When she found out last week she started calling me really hurtful names and saying that I am ruining her birthday but i really didnt know that they ahd made the same plans. That was very hurtful that they just replaced me. Since last week I have tried again to make it work and she has been cold.... No response saying that we're just toxic and it gives her anxiety.

 

So no i am not going to where she is going but at this point with how hurtful she has been to me I kind of just want her to ignore her now and start NC again and let her worry about it. I know that it is kind of games but that fact that she ignores me for days and then I am supposed to jump when she needs something ( which is the relationship in a whole ) that I need to gain back some control..... This also goes to that question if I have been contacting her up until yesterday do I even wish her happy birthday tomorrow.... IDK because why should she do all of this to me and then still hav the "nice guy" becuae she thinks I will always be there and she is gods gift.

[ChellyV]

I think you have done enough for this time. It is best to leave her alone for now as she might need space.

 

Just send her a happy birthday text so if she is "cold" it will not affect you anymore as much as hearing it or feeling it over the phone.

 

And I say for your own good, please walk away for now. It seems both of you guys need it in the meantime.

[learning2relax]

Perhaps this is the result over guilt she may feel as a result of dating you, seeing how you were falling for her all the while she was not over her previous relationship.

 

Logically, I can understand why you struggle with what she shared with you about how he treated her vs. how you know you have been to her. However, and it never ceases to amaze me why our hearts can fail us so, you will notice that there are people on this board in GTB that are pining and hopeful to reconcile a relationship where they were physically and/or emotionally and/or verbally abused! I suppose it is a form of co-dependence that comes into play when the one abused is the one stuck and hurting over the loss vs. relieved that the torture and abuse is over.

 

So while you can't logically reconcile it, if someone isn't healed coming out of a relationship loss, and their fear of being alone might cause them to enter into a subsequent relationship as an analgesic to the pain. I suppose that is why it is commonly professed that rebounds don't typically work in the long run. There are rebounds that have worked out - according to popular believe, they are the exception.

[catfeeder]

How long has she been broken up with the other guy before starting to see you? It sounds like she's not finished with old business, and that's no time to try to start a relationship with someone. That's not a moral fingerwag, it's practical. When someone still has feelings for an ex, they might deny it, but that doesn't mean you won't get your heart broken.

 

I'd stop all contact and let her get her own life straightened out. She's not even dating material right now, much less ready for a heavy relationship.

[REGUY]

I understand that she may not have been ready for a relationship, too young to get back in a serious relationship and not over the ex.... BUT we " had something"..... Could that have been all fake?.... The reason I cant leave it alone is because we could have been great together and I have a hard time just giving up when I saw what could have been. I want her in my life so bad and I want to go back to the way it was. She was happy with me, maybe not over her ex but she was happy with me. How do I fix this????..... I caved today and sent her a text wishing her a happy birthday and telling her i loved her.. All she wrote back was thank you and hope all is well...... i want to write back all this stuff so bad but i know it wont make a difference... I want her back now, what do i do?? Do i just need to give up and let my heart break even if i want her.

[REGUY]

There is so much that makes us not work... so much. But I want it to work so bad. Do i just give up and move on??

[catfeeder]

You need to stop with the white knuckle grip, or you'll blow it. People can overindulge with a new person when they're trying to get over someone else, and while that can make the sparks fly, it doesn't mean what you want it to mean. If this girl is ever capable of finishing her old business, she knows how to contact you. If you keep attention seeking, you'll kill that possibility.

 

Go off and become the person you want her to see (or hear of) in a year. If she's straightened out by then, you could get a crack at this again. If you keep trying for that prematurely, let's just say, it's not attractive.

 

Grab your best dignity and disappear from her radar.

[REGUY]

Im aware>>> Part of my just thinkks thats its over and I had to move on becuase I cant be this person for a year and by that time Ill be over it. Its the rejection and just that fact that I treat her well and just just leaves blows big time.

[okiedokiestomp]

step back and let her be---I know that's not what you want to hear but she has made her choice pretty clear, if not in words then certainly in her actions. Even if everything in you is telling you to do otherwise and to contact her one more time...you just put yourself out there for rejection again and again and it WILL continue to push her away with each conversation/action.

 

Give yourself some space and time that will allow you to have true perspective on the situation..right now it really sounds like you are too close to it to see her actions for what they are.

[REGUY]

O well... This just sucks really bad. I go from hating her for what shes done to wanting to kiss her, back to hating her and back again. I can not get my mind of the time we spent together... Im starting to feel like im crazy for obsessing the way i am.

[oscarthaslouch]

REGUY I'm in your same boat.

 

Wow our stories are so similar, basically in a 4month relationship, it got very heavy very fast.

 

Gave me a bunch of reasons we broke up but really to me is that she lost attraction. Thought her ex was a non-factor but suspicious now as she didn't want us to go to a person's birthday party out of respect for her friends feelings and not wanting to show him I was her new man. Should have called bull * * * * on this but I thought she was being thoughtful. I have no idea if they are pursuing things again and it's best that I don't know.

 

It's best that you don't know what she's up to either man. Let's look at it this way from the POV of her ex that she broke up with.

 

They've remained in contact throughout. While it may work out for him and get her back, who knows for how long? But really, how great is it to have to remain in contact with a girl when she breaks up with you when really the best thing is to move on.

 

That's what's needed for you and I my friend. We both need to move on. I've been doing it and yes it's still an emotional rollercoaster. Did the usual things for 2.5weeks post BU such as attention seeking, bargaining, showing her I've changed. But regardless, you have to look at this with a mindset that if you ever want a chacne at her again it won't be for a few months to a few years. * * * * , my ex recently defriended me and I wasn't even checking her or her friends out on FB...even though I've been 7 weeks NC that just threw a monkeywrench because it either shows she cares or is serious about moving on.

 

But see what happened, an action she did that should not affect me is affecting me and almost set me back. That's why it's crucial for me to stay in NC. And you gotta stick with it as well, usually girls won't respect you if you hang around because subconsciously they know they still got you and it's much more attractive to be the man that stops caring and moves on.

 

So do yourself a favor here man, it sucks and you're not crazy, you're crazy if you act on those impulses and reveal your cards to outsiders but if you keep doing what you're doing (NC, improving, doing the right steps), then you're not crazy for coming here and posting and trying to get some therapy out of it.

 

But shirk any crazy behaviors and start moving on and living your life, which is what most normal people will do. Don't let the relationship and breakup define you, let how you handled it and how you turned out define you.

 

Something I did that helped, write a letter to the person you were 2-years ago (as if the letter could travel back in time) giving a heads up as to what is about to happen. If this relationship takes a large part of the letter then think about that and if it is right. If this girl takes up 5% or so of the letter than I think that's ok because she was a part of your life, but not a big part, puts things in perspective.