Meadowgreen Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 hi. I'm new here. met a guy on line who chased after me for weeks. I finally agreed to meet him and we went out last saturday night. we had a really great time and definitely had chemistry. he texted me the next day to say he had a great time and that we needed to go out again very soon. but he did.n't set up a specific date. on tuesday afternoon he texted me to see if I was free that evening. I told him I had plans. He was upset as he said he really wanted to see me soon I said he need to schedule me if he wants to see me! we made plans to go out wednesday night and I switched that to thursday 1 hour later because of an existing commitment changing for me. he was fine with that. he texted me wednesday afternoon it was playful and sweet. Thursday I didn't hear from him all day long! he finally texted at 6 pm to say that he couldn't make our date because he had to get work done for an early conference call this morning and then asked of we wer e still on for this weekend. we have no specific plans for this weekend as he had only asked me to do something this weekend but didn't pick a day or time. I have not responded to him yet. do you think cancelling a second date like this means he's not very interested in me I thought it was rude.? Link to comment
arrakis77 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Sounds like some legitimate scheduling conflicts that could easily become misinterpreted by either party, which may already be happening. I would drop the texting ASAP (at least as far as scheduling dates is concerned) and get on the phone to schedule the next date or ask him to do so. Be open about the timing issue and be enthusiastic about the next date. Lock in a time when you're both sure to be free. Dating on the weekends only is common for working adults. Link to comment
jjcool00 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 No offense, but you cancelled on him as well, so I don't really understand how you can call him rude. Don't freak out that schedules are conflicting.. You have cancelled on him once and now he's cancelled on you. He's probably not picking a day or time as it seems like you guys both have a lot going on so it's better to keep it open for now. I would suggest you respond if you're interested. Say something like I'm free Saturday, what did you have in mind? See where he takes it. The only thing I can say is in the beginning if both people continually cancel this is going to get frustrating (as you can already see) and will go no where... try to make sure you'll be available. Link to comment
tresqua Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 He thought you had plans for the weekend but you didn't. His actions are inconsistent and erratic he acts like he can't wait to see you, he doesn't commit to a future date, then calls you last minute to try to set one up, then you set up a firm date and he cancels plans at the last minute with a lame excuse. He's seeing several women at the same time and he's a bit overwhelmed and gets confused as to with whom he is planning what. No offense, but you cancelled on him as well, so I don't really understand how you can call him rude. The two cancellations were completely different circumstances. In fact she didn't even cancel, she "modified" the date an hour after they scheduled it, he cancelled last minute. BIG difference right there. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Really??? You make a comment like He was upset as he said he really wanted to see me soon I said he need to schedule me if he wants to see me! and then we made plans to go out wednesday night and I switched that to thursday 1 hour later because of an existing commitment changing for me. and if he has to suddenly change because his commitments change... you start to think its rude? You two are getting to know each other - therefore its called dating... its not a lifetime commitment. Sometimes two people just don't ever get together because their schedules don't match but don't sit there and play hard to get and have to cancel and reschedule and get miffed if he has to do the same. I think that you are genuinely just insecure but at this same time try to air this aura of over confidence to this guy... if that is not what you are really feeling then this sounds like spoiled princess syndrome. Take a deep breath and RELAX... and I know you are not wanting to seem so over eager with this guy and that is what I recommend when in the first few dates but keep in mind constantly playing hard to get gets you left all alone in the end. I would cut this guy some slack.... Good Luck Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I'm not sure how him canceling the date due to work has to do with him not interested in you unless he uses it as an excuse to get out of the date. Wait and see what happens this weekend. Link to comment
Meadowgreen Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I never canceled on him. we made plans tuesday afternoon or wednesday night he knew I had plans with friends for thursday night 1 hour after we made plans I had to switch him to thursday night he was fine so I did not cancel on him. maybe he's seeing many women I don't know we've only had 1 date he just doesn't seems like a guy who likes to make plans well in advance which is hard for me as I do make plans to see people. no I don't think it was rude of me to ask him to change nights. I said if it didn't work for him then I would cancel plans with her but I had plans with her from a week ago and with him only 1 hour. he comes off likr he really likes me really wants to see me then he won't commit to a date and then when we have a date he canceled at the very last minute and I didn't think the way he cancelled was appropriate. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 If that's the way you feel then don't reschedule and move on. To me it sounds like you have schedule conflicts which are normal. It took my husband and I a month to nail down a first date... I have kids... he has kids... and then almost 3 weeks to get a second date in. From what you wrote you make sound like "okay" if I have conflicts but "heck no" if he does. Its okay to feel that way but don't expect this to work out. Again... its called dating... its not as if the guy is asking you to marry him and settle down. Its the fun part of getting to know someone... if its not fun for you just move on... no harm no foul. Link to comment
Meadowgreen Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I think there's a difference between him canceling our date at the last minute and I to ask him if we could change night 1 hour after we had made plans. I also told him if we couldn't switch nights that I would cancel my other plans for him. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Meh. Not impressed. To me, if a guy starts this during early dating, then he's either not very interested, juggling too many other women, or simply trying to play it off like he's Joe Cool. Is it possible he cancelled last minute because he was tweaked you didn't see him on TUE when he wanted to see you last minute? Like maybe he sees that as YOU being not very interested? Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Well he does seem interested if he's asking you, what your doing on the weekend. But as for all the other problems, don't worry so much about it, and just wait to see if he makes def plans with you this weekend. Don't go out of your way to find out if it's on, but do accept if he gives you reasonable time to get ready. Don't just say "yes" if he texts say 8pm sat night, and says "I'm coming over". No way, don't let him just make all the rules of when he see's you. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 At the moment you are both having problems working out when you can actually meet. Unless something REALLY happens to say that he's playing games, assume for now that it's all bona fide. Depending on the sort of industry he works in, he may have to drop things at the last minute, attend emergency meetings etc. Years ago I was seeing a guy who was a company director, and this used to happen from time to time. He used to be very, very appreciative that I understood! There's probably nothing wrong. But you do need to speak to him rather than text - which is really horribly impersonal - be enthusiastic and try and set up something for the weekend. If you still get a bad vibe, then back off - but even though it hasn't been your intention, he may have read your actions as playing hard to get. Hopefully, in time, you'll look back and be able to laugh all this off! Link to comment
wilyone 11 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 he comes off likr he really likes me really wants to see me then he won't commit to a date and then when we have a date he canceled at the very last minute and I didn't think the way he cancelled was appropriate. I dated a guy like this and it drove me nuts. He'd come on really strong, talk about how he REALLY missed me and REALLY wanted to see me, suggest a date, then when I'd say okay he wouldn't confirm and would cancel a few hours beforehand or wait until 10 pm to get back to me. We had great chemistry also. This is standard operating procedure for guys who are afraid of intimacy and commitment FYI. Too early to tell whether he's one of them but this is what they do. Link to comment
Meadowgreen Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 it could be the commitment and intimacy problem. he emailed me before we met saying he was frustrated not knowing if I was not interested or just playing hard to get. I wonder if his canceling last night was some kind of test like he hoped I make a big deal perhaps? Link to comment
tresqua Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Jeez talk about overthinking. There's just too many possibilities you gotta give this one more time. I could suggest that he moonlights as a male prostitute and my guess would be as good as any others on this thread. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 it could be the commitment and intimacy problem. he emailed me before we met saying he was frustrated not knowing if I was not interested or just playing hard to get. I wonder if his canceling last night was some kind of test like he hoped I make a big deal perhaps? You haven't had enough contact yet to be able to tell. Problem is, if you approach him warily and as if he's testing you, it's likely to affect how you come over and will have negative consequences. If you approach him being positive and cheerful, as if you haven't been worrying at all, that's much more likely to have a good outcome. If he's playing games, that will become very clear in due course. For now, give him the benefit of the doubt. Apart from anything, it will make you look much, much more classy. Link to comment
Meadowgreen Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Your right. I dont know at this point. I do wonder if we are both playing the same game. This stinks. I do play it cool but we just met. I wont put myself out there to hard. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 it could be the commitment and intimacy problem. he emailed me before we met saying he was frustrated not knowing if I was not interested or just playing hard to get. I wonder if his canceling last night was some kind of test like he hoped I make a big deal perhaps? Why are you both overthinking this? Ridiculous. Just hang out on the weekend and see how it goes. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I have mixed feelings. You did re-arrange on him once and had plans the other (I realize you didn't cancel). However, he asks you out last minute, which is not good. He cancels, which is even worse. However, his contact has been pretty frequent. I would probably give him one more chance. Link to comment
adamt Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 he is probably balancing dating other people and stalling to see how others plan out aswell. i'd stop responding and see if he becomes more interested. been in a similar position recently. a girl wanted to exchange numbers a few months ago. we arranged to meet. she ended up cancelling but never rearranged properly. then she got back intouch then got 24 hours notice if i could go on a date. i was genuinely busy. then she cancelled again. i tried to pin her down on some timeslots, eventually she admitted she was seeing someone. if it seems to become to much like hardwork there will be someone else in the picture. if you like someone you will make the effort to see them Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Adam, I am inclined to agree with you, but he does want to see her on the weekend and I think that's a plus.... but yeah -normally, cancelling a date in the early stages is usually not good. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I think that you probably don't seem all that interested to him, so other things get priority over you. Usually if you don't act that excited to see someone, they become not that inclined to put in a lot of work. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 This is a very early stage of dating. I don't think it's correct or necessarily fair to have judged this person's entire character based on what's happening right now. People get too crazy about "red flags" and start perceiving everything as a red flag. The fact is that I have dated guys who have been very courteous and completely by the book when we first started dating, and then shown themselves to be very different in the context of a relationship. My advice for any situation like this is to always give the benefit of the doubt, be happy and enthusiastic, and see what happens. Link to comment
Meadowgreen Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 we had a long talk yesterday. I emailed him that I wasn't happy with his behavior and I didn't want to keep dating. he got very upset and told me he was hurt I didn't believe he really had to work and that I questioned his interest in me. he said he was completely into me and asked me repeatedly not to ruin this because I was upset he cancelled plans. he said he never would have canceled if he didn't really have to. he said he was sorry for not calling me to cancel and that he was hurt I would suspect he was up to no good. he said he would make sure I knew going forward how he felt about me. and he said it wasn't fair for me to think these things of him just because some other guy head hurts me before. is he dating other women? he told me on our first date that he only date 1 at a time. I can't say for sure if that's the truth or not and really we've only had 1 date so I'm not really entitled to ask. I guess its possible but id rather think not as it makes him a liar. he did say going forward he would make a point to make plans with me in advance and he also said he likes it when a girl takes some initiative in dating. Link to comment
Meadowgreen Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 So were going out tonight. Dinner and dancing. Link to comment
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