xyzzzz Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 i always have problems by the way my bf talks to girls online.by the things he said. sometimes he shows me the message and i would say "why did you say such and such to her? if i said it to guys wouldnt you be pissed?" and he says "i would be pissed cuz i know you too well and if you said that it'd mean something. but it doesnt mean anything when i say it"..and he always says he just chit chat with them normally..though i would see them as playful or even flirt. i dont know how should i deal with it? Link to comment
alli Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I don't know what exactly he says to judge the merits of the "flirty personality" explanation, however it is DEFINITELY a double standard for him to believe it's ok for him to say such things but not for you. You can't make him do or not do things. The only thing you can really do is make requests. He has a right to do or not do what you ask, and you have a right to date or not date someone based on their choices. Basically, if you have requested that he not say such things but he continues to while holding you to a different standard, you can't make him stop but you can end it with him if it's a big enough deal to you. Link to comment
xyzzzz Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I don't know what exactly he says to judge the merits of the "flirty personality" explanation, however it is DEFINITELY a double standard for him to believe it's ok for him to say such things but not for you. You can't make him do or not do things. The only thing you can really do is make requests. He has a right to do or not do what you ask, and you have a right to date or not date someone based on their choices. Basically, if you have requested that he not say such things but he continues to while holding you to a different standard, you can't make him stop but you can end it with him if it's a big enough deal to you. i think he wont change it for me. so should i make it a big deal? Link to comment
alli Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Depends on what exactly he's saying to them. I would raise heck on the double standard though. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 i always have problems by the way my bf talks to girls online.by the things he said. sometimes he shows me the message and i would say "why did you say such and such to her? if i said it to guys wouldnt you be pissed?" and he says "i would be pissed cuz i know you too well and if you said that it'd mean something. but it doesnt mean anything when i say it"..and he always says he just chit chat with them normally..though i would see them as playful or even flirt. i dont know how should i deal with it? Sounds like a double-standard to me... Link to comment
xyzzzz Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Depends on what exactly he's saying to them. I would raise heck on the double standard though. things like "hey beautiful how you doing today" or the girl goes "have you missed me" and him"yeah i have" or he says "so your from xxx too? i was there last month .should have go met you then lol" and one of them is "do you wanna meet up? i would go anywhere for you". they are basically all to different girls Link to comment
xyzzzz Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Sounds like a double-standard to me... yes it is def double standard but he says" accept it"..and im not sure about my own feelings cuz i sometimes is fine with it but sometimes get very pissed off.. Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Agreed that it's a double standard. Some people are just flirts (myself and my partner both are), but it's also up to you what you are and are not comfortable with. If it's not something that works in a relationship for you, then you're entitled to that. Just be aware that if he doesn't want to change, you might be put in the position of deciding if it's a dealbreaker or something you can live with. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 "so your from xxx too? i was there last month .should have go met you then lol" and one of them is "do you wanna meet up? i would go anywhere for you". My boyfriend and I are also flirty by nature, but if he were saying things like this, I would tell him to knock it off or else. Basically, as was mentioned on another thread about flirting while in a relationship, I think it's acceptable as long as one isn't giving the impression of availability. Him saying things like, "I was there last month, we should have met then" and "Do you want to meet up? I would go anywhere for you" is giving the BLATANT impression that he is free for "whatever". Saying, "Hey, beautiful" is not a big deal, and "Yeah, I missed you" is kind of borderline, but the two I quoted above are crossing the line. But what concerns me the most is him telling you that HE can say these things, but YOU can't. That wouldn't fly with me at all...and if you don't think he's going to stop, or even gets angry about it, I would reconsider whether or not you are going to be able to stay in this relationship. Link to comment
xyzzzz Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 here is how the double standard comes up: when i say "why do you wanna meet her?" he goes "i dont. its just cuz i was there a while ago" i dont buy it and i say" so what if i said to a guy "i should have met you in XXX when i was there" he goes "no cuz i know ur just up for "that" but im not" .. Link to comment
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