26 Married and confused Lost of Libido

[msmimi24]

Hi. I met my husband at the age of 18. At the time he was in a relationship and he was my best friend. So about a year and a half later he wanted try it out. Us being together. It was really great, So we ended up getting married and having kids. Since having the kids, I don't want to be intimate, i have lost my libido. I'm only 26. I don't want to be touched anymore, i don't like to kiss. I'm lost. I don't want our marriage to end because of me. I mean he was my best and only friend. Also I miss the good times we did have like going out just having fun. Now he doesn't want to go out. I understand that we have kids but every blue moon shouldn't hurt. Oh and another thing. He tried last night and i pushed him away. I think i hurt his feelings and i really don't want him to go cheat. What should I do. Please no smart remarks. Thanks

[Tresha]

My first advice would be to see a doctor. So many libido issues have physical causes, whether chemical, hormonal, pain-related, etc. Also, how difficult would it be to be intimate even if you aren't really in the mood. I'm not being snarky, that's a real question (I get misinterpreted a lot in type ... or rather I have a hard time getting my tone accross in type). Depending on the cause, it may be just a matter of getting started. Often, people will have a problem wanting sex, but once started, have no problem finishing sex. Other causes may be more difficult. If it is a form of depression, it may make it much harder to "just bite the bullet."

 

There will be an aspect of settled, tired, routine, kids, etc. Check out the medical end, though. It is a really really really common symptom of a large range of actual issues (alcohol consumption, prescription medication, allergies and allergy pills, and on and on).

[Eocsor]

Agree 100% with this. Great advice.

[abitbroken]

Definitely see a doc. Having kids can mess with your hormones. The second bit of advice I have is to date your husband again. Pack the kids up to grandparents or babysistters for the night and have a real date with no pressure. Be without the kids all night til morning sometimes and alternate with dates where you do dinner and a movie or go dancing or whatever you guys can't do with the kids and then come home. It will help you reconnect. I know a couple that does that - has a night every other week with no kiddos and alternates with quick dates and it really helps them reconnect, feel attractive again, etc. Also, I advise you to ask for help if you mostly take care of the kids or feel overwhelmed around the house or if you work with balance. Stress also is a libido killer.

[hexaemeron]

Sounds like a case of "Never got to explore" as a young adult. Now you're locked into a marriage and routine you probably resent.

[OptomisticGirl]

Have you seen a doctor? It's common to lose sex drive after kids - with the stress of raising them, work, and running a house - and still maintaiing that relationship with your partner. Perhaps your libido is tied in with you feel stressed? You aren't having 'the good times' once in a blue moon and maybe you are resenting him for it and you are taking away sex as a punishment. Noy saying you ARE but it's a theroy and I have seen it happen before.