flower888 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 so much pain, crashes of pain hit me throughout the day. when i sleep i get twitches in the stomach. already doing my best to deal with the breakup, making effort not to focus on him. but the pain is still obvious. could feel the pain literally from inside my chest and sometimes twitching in stomach. thought of writing here maybe could help a bit. now i take it that i am sick but will recover in couple of months' time. one achievement is i don't go round and round in my head asking why. accepted that it is over. no urge to contact him, not that he will respond. could accept that too. try not to let it bother me, he is the rude one, no basic courtesy. but don't want to think too badly of him, just take it that this is his way of dealing with the pain. don't want to hate him, it will hurt me more. i think of the bad times when good times start to slip into my mind. but my goodness, not too many bad times for me to work with, could hardly come out with five. will try to exercise, but now i am too broken to even go out. really can't. i am not crying all the time, i work from home, so i manage to make myself work. right now i prefer to be at home, like in mother's womb, licking my wounds. very very injured now. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 when you start thinking about him/the relationship, write it out. It literally gets it out of your head. Then, get up and go out, even if it's just a walk around the block, or to pick up the mail. When you get back home, start up new activity. Link to comment
Bella4 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 This probably is going to sound blunt - but deal with it, you have to cry, you have to grieve. Deal with the emotions you're experiencing, it'll get easier within a couple of weeks. Tiny steps. Think of the positives. Good luck. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 i just joined a dating site, is not to start a relationship, i was hoping to meet a couple of new people , have coffee and listen to their life stories. is it ok? Link to comment
Snuggly Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 You are not ready for that yet. Too much risk of further rejection and rebound relationships in my opinion. Spend time with your friends now, focus on your appearance too. A new haircut, outfit, anything can make you feel better about yourself. Try some activities you always fancied but never tried before, photography or dance class or something. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 You are not ready for that yet. Too much risk of further rejection and rebound relationships in my opinion. Spend time with your friends now, focus on your appearance too. A new haircut, outfit, anything can make you feel better about yourself. Try some activities you always fancied but never tried before, photography or dance class or something. yep, you are right, i just took down my profile. i feel so broken inside. Link to comment
endy Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 It's normal and it will get better. Do not repress your emotions. The only thing you need to repress is not contacting them at all. That's it. Everytime you think of him don't think why did he do this or that. Every single time he snaps into your head start telling yourself that you love yourself, that you're beautiful and deserve love. Listen to a song that makes you smile. You want ALL negative thoughts out of your head asap. You want to replace them with positive thoughts. Get the book you can heal your life by Louise Hay Really start practicing living in the moment. The past is the past. It is gone. Remember that, and know it can't be changed. The point is to start living in the moment and creating your future. There are several other books I can recommend but start on that and REALLY DO the exercises. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 endy , thank you, so painful, crying now finally. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Get out and do something physical. Go for a walk, a run, do some gardening, play a sport. You need to exhaust yourself to the point where you can fall asleep without thinking. I found that physical exertion helped me take my focus away from my problems for a while each day. Link to comment
Hellhath Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Experience what is... even if it is painful or unwanted. Allow yourself to process what you feel as naturally as you can. Pushing away what you feel will not help you in the long-run. If you try to repress your emotions or change them into something more "acceptable" you can get stuck and hold onto the pain far far too long. Sadness, grief, loneliness, anger, all these things are natural when these things happen. It is ok to be human; it is enough to feel what your heart wants you to feel. Take comfort in your humanity. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 i am sorry that you're going through this, but it sounds like you are doing a pretty good job dealing with it. good for you, and good luck! Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Experience what is... even if it is painful or unwanted. Allow yourself to process what you feel as naturally as you can. Pushing away what you feel will not help you in the long-run. If you try to repress your emotions or change them into something more "acceptable" you can get stuck and hold onto the pain far far too long. Sadness, grief, loneliness, anger, all these things are natural when these things happen. It is ok to be human; it is enough to feel what your heart wants you to feel. Take comfort in your humanity. you are right. i started to do exactly what you said these two days. i let myself feel the crash, and then i said to myself " ok, is that it? that is the worst it can be, it didn't kill me." then i will feel better by letting myself cry it out, and then start to do other tasks like a zombie. am i on the path to healing? i will start to include some physical activities soon. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 thank you for all replies. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 i am toying with the idea of having casual sex. haven't done it before all my life. i mean, why should i be so serious anymore? i gave out my heart, faithful and all and this is what i get. i was thinking if i have casual sex i might be able to conclude " hey he is not that great afterall! someone can actually do it better than him!" any opinion? Link to comment
guest777 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I thought hooking up with people would help too and I wasn't even having sex with the guys. It made me feel special, loved, and secure for a little bit but I always ended up being more upset afterwards. Bc I'd realize that they didn't give me that feeling/closeness that my ex did. Some people say it helps but for me it didn't. I just felt weaker, more insecure, and even more lonely afterward. Link to comment
flower888 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I thought hooking up with people would help too and I wasn't even having sex with the guys. It made me feel special, loved, and secure for a little bit but I always ended up being more upset afterwards. Bc I'd realize that they didn't give me that feeling/closeness that my ex did. Some people say it helps but for me it didn't. I just felt weaker, more insecure, and even more lonely afterward. thanks for sharing. i think no choice, the best solution is to learn to be happy all by ourselves, with no aid. my mind is so screwed up now, i better not do anything stupid. Link to comment
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