What Happens...

[BirdOnAWire]

Here's a few hypothetical questions for ya...

 

 

When my girl and I split last fall, I viewed it as a good thing. I looked forward to the opportunity to meet and connect with new people and revisit areas of my life that I had neglected since being with her. Her and advanced our relationship way too fast and when it ended, I suddenly felt free. Of course that didn't last and before I knew it I was in pretty rough shape. I found this board and it certainly helped get through what possible were THE WORST three weeks of my life. I snapped out of it and suddenly I began to heal. Part of my heaing process though was getting her back. Against all odds, I set out to go back to who I was when she fell in love with me. I wanted to recreate the magic; re-inspire a dream.

 

It was hard and I had all but moved on....then she called. That was the 18th of January and as they say, the rest is history. What a rocky history ours is though. Our reconciliation wasn't easy and if along the way, I ever packed it in and walked away, I'd have no shame. I did it though. I turned back time. I erased my mistakes and got back the one I love. However, here we are six months into our new relationship and for the very first time I reealize wnd understand how she must have felt around this time last year.

 

At this point, I don't know what's wrong or what's right. Part of me feels like I wanted to get her back to make up for some kind of short comings. Maybe I put too much blame on myself for our relationship initially failing. Maybe I wanted to prove something to her and myself. Maybe I was just too unwilling to adapt to change. Maybe, just maybe, I was so selfishly caught up in my own pain that I never took the time to see the positivity that SHE seen in the split.

 

So, with that said, here are my questions to you.

 

What if you're wrong? It takes two people to quit on a relationship. You subtly quit and when he/she decided to follow suit, you went into panic mode; failing to remember what made you give up in the first place. What if your sense of urgency is providing an illusion of needing that person? Will you be willing to put everything else on hold only to find that out? Is that fair to THEM.

 

What if you change your world. What if you do what I did and go back and rediscover the person you were when they loved you. Then, what if you realize that maybe you changed for a reason and now you're just simply NOT that person. What if you realize that maybe they were right and you are just better as friends or worse yet, just casual aquaintances...memories for each other to look back on....and hopefully not in anger? What if it then falls on you to do what they did? Could you do it? Could you, with no guilt, remembering all the pain you went through, put them through the same thing?

 

It's really tough and I urge everyone to think ahead and really think it through. Is this something you really want? Unfortunately, I don't have much advice other than be true to yourself and how you feel.

 

 

...just some food for thought. Or, maybe, mind wine? : )

 

P.S. Since this is the 'getting back together' forum, I'll throw those who were like me, a bone. It's really the only thing you'll need to know. RELAX.

[90_hour_sleep]

that's alot of 'maybes'... you've obviously given this alot of thought. do you have your own answers for these questions?

 

i like this one:

 

What if your sense of urgency is providing an illusion of needing that person?

 

and this:

 

Maybe, just maybe, I was so selfishly caught up in my own pain that I never took the time to see the positivity that SHE seen in the split.

 

and...this...

 

Then, what if you realize that maybe you changed for a reason and now you're just simply NOT that person.

 

''what next...?'' that's a good question. what would i do next. what would you do next?

[BirdOnAWire]

What happens next? For me?

 

I tell her I think that it's best if we just be friends.

 

I guess my point is, 6 months ago I just couldn't even imagine not being with her. Like, it was just not an option. Now, after going against the flow to get her back, I realize that maybe our relationship ended for a real reason. Thats all I'm trying to get others to realize. I know all the advice says work on yourself and find what it was that attracted them to you in the first place....thing is though, if you changed and they changed...what makes it wrong? Change is hard but most of the time its warranted.

[90_hour_sleep]

What makes it wrong...

 

I like that.

 

Pretty sure I know exactly what you're talking about. Sometimes there's a reason...probably many, many reasons. And that urgency that you spoke of is such a powerful force...it's so easy (and almost natural) to get carried off by that...to feed the storyline that favors an end to the helpless urgency...to encourage an aversion to the natural endings in life.

 

I remember similar feelings. Nothing to do with love -- or absent love. Just a subtle acknowledgement of an ending...and a choice to embrace a shift in course...as uneasy as it felt to make that choice.

 

To walk away in love...