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I am so ready to <removed> Snap!

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SO my ex and I have been split up now for about 8 months (we were together for 17 years). So everything has been going well and we are talking and things are really comfortable and good. As some of know about my relationship, we split up for a brief time in 07. During that time he didnt deal with the breakup well. In fact he ran into the arms of another woman. His bookeeper at his office. Which just so happened to be the daughter of his boss. Now my ex has worked for this company since he was 17 and so he had basically grown up with her and his boss was more like his second dad. So guess how happy his boss was to finally have his daughter with his pseudo son? Oh he was thrilled! So for months my ex and this girl carried on a relationship while I was dying inside. Now in reality he wasnt dealing with it so when I finally stopped crying and bsically forgot about him he suddenly woke up, realized that he didnt really even like her in the first place and called me begging me to take him back......and I did. His boss was really mad and said that he should stay with his daughter and he would be set for life!


So flash forward to today and us being seperated now for about 8 months this go around. Like I said everything was going well and we are actually communicating really well and the drama is over and it even looked like there may be something in the future. So today I called my 16 yr old son (who lives with him) to ask how his night was last night and he said that he and his dad went for dinner with his boss. Did they go to a restuarant? Nope! They went to a family dinner! Everyone was there including the daughter! I just know that his boss and her are working on him so hard.


When my ex and I got back together she had to take a week off of work because she was so upset and "heartbroken". She said she loved him and thought that they were starting a new life together!! Ummmm you were the rebound girl! helllloooo!!


I am so fracken mad because I know that we still have something and these friggin losers need to butt out of our lives and let us try to figure this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Oh and I should also mention that my ex has invested in a new company and so he has really been stressed out about money. Guess what his boss does?! Tells him that "when" he becomes family he will help him take care of his "money situation"! Are you kidding me??????????? How the heck am I supposed to compete with that?????????????

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I'm confused. You say you are separated then go on to ask how you "compete with that"?


I really think you should consider talking to someone. This anger isn't going to do you any good no matter what. All it will do is push him further away from you. Personally, I think you are better off without him. Do you really want someone who would treat you like this anyway ? No matter how tempting someone is, he still has the CHOICE to say no. If he doesn't, that speaks volumes as to his feelings for you. You can't work on a marriage with this much anger going on. It will only make matters worse and will only make the other woman all the more appealing. I think you should seek individual counseling and really think about what you want.

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Yes we were talking about the possibility of getting back to "us" one day and we both agreed that we should take this time to try to figure things out. We both said that we were not going to get involved with anyone because our hearts belonged to each other. We had a lot of stuff to try to deal with. I guess I am mad because I know him and he will try to cover up his pain with whatever he can and so he may be blinded by what is being waved in front of him. If he decides he doesnt want to work on us I want it to be because he truly knows it's not right not because he is being distracted with temporary pain relief.

And yes there is some jealousy there I am not going to lie. This was my partner and best friend for 17 years. I do feel a sense of protectiveness over him. I want to try to work it out but I can't compete with someone who throws all these false solutions at him and I dont think its fair that they do that to him.

It's much easier to get through this knowing that he is feeling the same way but when you put another person in the mix it's only natural to feel threatened isnt it?

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DN - both times we were both just tired. Tired of not communicating and tired of feeling like the other person didnt care. There was no big drama in the breakup. No one cheated. It was just two people who were together for a very long time and stopped talking. The second time I think it was more me shutting down. I dont think I was ever over him getting together with her the first time we split up and I had to deal with him continuing to work with her every day. It was really hard.

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I think you may have to face the strong possibility that the relationship has run its course. As you say, both of you were tired and it seems he is no longer interested in reconciliation. What he is doing now is by his own decisions and although he may be making them for various reasons, they are his to make.


I did read another thread where you said he didn't turn to you when his father died - and I have to say that seems to me to demonstrate that, for him at least, it really is a relationship that is over.


I think your best course is to assume it is and begin the moving on process.

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You are right DN. For the record though he did call me the day before he left for his dads funeral and ask if I would go with him which I did and we spent the weekend together (not "together together"). He said that he felt that it wouldnt be right if I wasnt there and he really appreciated me coming.


I am not saying my thoughts are right or rational, I am just having them and felt that it would be better to post them here then post them in a text or email to him. I'm sad

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It is sad but sometimes people recognise that although they may love the other person a relationship isn't going to work. All he can see at the moment, looking back, is a relationship that twice didn't work and probably wouldn't again but when he looks to the future he can see at least some positives there. Perhaps you should adopt the same outlook.


I am all for putting relationships back together but it requires two willing people who have some optimism.

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