ungauged Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 First and foremost, I would really like to thank eNotAlone forum because it's been a huge help over the last 2 months since my breakup. It has been my online psychiatrist! Now for my first post as a member. I've gone days without dwelling or even thinking about the breakup or about her. But suddenly today, the memories and thoughts started haunt me all over again. We were together for 1.5 years and before that 7 years as friends. We were "great" together and never had arguments or quarrels and I've always tried my best to be the best boyfriend I could possibly be and we were a good match in all honesty and had plans to get married in a year or two once we were more financially stable. She suddenly requested for a break on our first quarrel which was partially my fault because I was suddenly feeling unappreciated and felt that she was taking me for granted. I agreed to the break and it went on for 3 weeks which basically didn't work for me because we were still going out and contacting regularly and would kiss goodbye after our "dates". Officially told her to stop contacting me and to end things due to the fact that she felt that she had lost feelings for me even though I didn't do anything wrong and that we are just "more than friends". Her words were, "What we had was perfect, but feelings have been lost and I only have a little feelings for you." Confusing as that was to me, I accepted it and tried to move on. Applied all the advise I got from this forum and went NC. Got back all my stuff from her and returned her her stuff as well. We had minimal contact during the 2 months after the break up only because we were both involved in a friend's surprise proposal dinner. She even sent me my birthday pictures which meant a lot to me as she celebrated my birthday with me even though we were on a break and gave me a really unforgettable present and included pictures of us together. As friends were puzzled and felt that we broke up for a stupid reason, they tried to help us by "gathering info" and I was sent into confusion again. Photos of us are still hanging on her wall even after the breakup. The worst part is photos of us together are still on her facebook for the world to see. She has told friends that she's always felt that I was the "one" and that I've never done anything to damage this relationship but she just can't see us being together FOR NOW. It sent me crashing yet again. Confused, angry and sad. So I did the most idiotic thing that I'm sure most of you would condemn. I texted her and asked her out to dinner and she said she wasn't comfortable seeing me right now. So I decided to lay the cards on the tables as to how I felt, and told her that if she could never ever see us together again and that if reconciliation was impossible to let me know so I would move on. Her reply was, "Let's move on for now. I won't say anything that might not happen in the future. Sure, I have gone back to ex's before but for now I just want to move on with my life. If you meet someone new, good. I might meet someone new as well." Now here's the idiotic part from me. I told her that I'd wait for her till her next birthday which is next February. She didn't reply so I left it at that and decided not to over analyze things and move on. Can someone please give me insight as to what this girl is trying to do to me? She could have easily said NO to my question and not give me a reply which was neither here nor there. Our pictures are still on her facebook after 2 months which show us as a couple and it's not a few of them but 100 pictures. Sorry for the long post and I would really appreciate some advise especially from the ladies. And the guys with similar experiences should really give me some advise on how to handle this. Link to comment
just not sure Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Telling her you'd wait for her wasn't the best thing to do Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 My ex apparently still has photos of us on Facebook when her and I went to Florida. Even some of us kissing when we were in Colorado. That was over a year ago. I don't think it means anything. Women tend to hold on to memories, even ones including ex's, more often than guys. I actually recommend blocking her on FB. Nothing hurts like seeing "So-and-so has changed their status to In a Relationship." Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I have seen on numerous occasion here on ENA that dumpees ask the dumper to say: I will never have feelings for you again. There is no chance we will ever get back together. Many people do not live in a place of absolutes, thus they are unwilling to say that --- but it doesn't mean you should hope. She clearly stated you should move on and so will she. You have/had a special place in her life, but feelings can and do change. If someone told me that they would wait 6 months for me, I would hesitate to contact them at all because it would put too much pressure on the call/exchange of information. If I continued to feel the same (lack of love), yet still was concerned, I'd feel like I was giving them false hope. So, please, for your own well being, as well as the love and respect you have for her. Let go. Link to comment
ungauged Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 My ex apparently still has photos of us on Facebook when her and I went to Florida. Even some of us kissing when we were in Colorado. That was over a year ago. I don't think it means anything. Women tend to hold on to memories, even ones including ex's, more often than guys. I actually recommend blocking her on FB. Nothing hurts like seeing "So-and-so has changed their status to In a Relationship." Totally agree. But the thing is she's always deleted and thrown everything out from her past 3 relationships. I know it's a really small crumb to dwell on but I do know what you mean by "in a relationship". It's definitely gonna sting even if I say it's not gonna bother me now. Link to comment
Flywest29 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Hey Ungauged, sorry you are going through this, it sucks I know. I think she has pretty much told you that you need to move on, and you really should. You need to go NC, stop looking at her facebook, just cause she has those pics still up doesn't mean a thing. She might be finding it hard to take them down but don't over analyze it its only facebook. It is time to move forward and say goodbye to the past. It is tough to do believe me, I am struggling big time with this right now and most days have been a struggle. But I have been here before as I am sure you have as well, and it always ends up getting better in time. Best of Luck Link to comment
SicFounder Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Totally agree. But the thing is she's always deleted and thrown everything out from her past 3 relationships. I know it's a really small crumb to dwell on but I do know what you mean by "in a relationship". It's definitely gonna sting even if I say it's not gonna bother me now. She may delete them when she starts dating someone else. Link to comment
quartz Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I've been in a weird situation myself the last couple of months, with a breakup but all possibilities open. (I might make a thread about it) Two things I can suggest: 1. You and her know the most about your situation. Friends, family and posters on ena know less. Some give good advice some not so good. 2. Avoid overanalyzing things. When I'm left with my thoughts I usually end up with a situation in my head, far from reality. That's where some contact helps. No Contact can help avoid making things worse, but contact where you mostly listen helps realise how simple things are sometimes, compared to the nightmare in your head. Link to comment
ungauged Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 It's something I cannot take back as much as I "regret" saying it. But wouldn't finding someone new within this period sort of make her hate me more since I've already said it? My brain says let go but my heart somehow betrays my head. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 No --- she won't hate you. She's asked you to move on --- and I'm sure she took your "vow" a lot less seriously than you. Right now you have to listen to your head and put your heart on "mute". Link to comment
ungauged Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 I really do despise the situation I'm in now.... I've never had problems with breakups as there were usually serious problems or cheating involved. It's hard to let go of something when you know it was really good and sucks to know the other party gave up without much of a fight. Damn this thing called love!! Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 It takes 2 people to be involved in a relationship. And a lot of work, trust, respect and of course, love. And love is the easiest part. The only person whose actions you have any control over is yours -- -so take hold, move on and live life.... Link to comment
ungauged Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Hey Ungauged, sorry you are going through this, it sucks I know. I think she has pretty much told you that you need to move on, and you really should. You need to go NC, stop looking at her facebook, just cause she has those pics still up doesn't mean a thing. She might be finding it hard to take them down but don't over analyze it its only facebook. It is time to move forward and say goodbye to the past. It is tough to do believe me, I am struggling big time with this right now and most days have been a struggle. But I have been here before as I am sure you have as well, and it always ends up getting better in time. Best of Luck It's funny how on some days, everything seems fine and you THINK you've let go of the past and have finally moved on. But suddenly it just pops into your head and you start struggling again. I do hope your struggling ends and does get better Flywest29. Link to comment
ungauged Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 It takes 2 people to be involved in a relationship. And a lot of work, trust, respect and of course, love. And love is the easiest part. The only person whose actions you have any control over is yours -- -so take hold, move on and live life.... How insanely true that is! Love is the easiest part and hardest part to forget. Well I guess it's a really steep learning curve which yields nothing but heartache when it fails. I wonder how long it'll take me to mute that part of my heart. I do hope I can take control and move on. Link to comment
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