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I PASSSSSSEEEEEDD!!! (And letting go of my money)

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Uni results came out today. Checked at 9:01AM.


AND I FREAKEN PASSSEEEEEDD!!!! How did I do that?!?!?!?! More than passed!! HOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


I swear there is something more Divine out there looking after me.




One last semester......4 months to go.....GRADUATION....I can become a real adult and have an adult job....work full time, and help my parents out, and buy nice things for my family, and not worry about money, and make my mark in the world!!!!




Oh my.....


*leprechaun dance*


I feel like calling up my lecturers and asking "ARE YOU SURE? NO REALLY...ARE YOU SURE??"


OMG my counsellor would be so proud lol


On another note, got a bloody email from the ex today saying:


"Hi! Just wanted to let you know I'm packing all your stuff up, just getting organised. How are you? How are your uni results? How is job hunting going? Please let me know how it all went. We'll have a chat soon ok?"


No we won't have a bloody chat soon. Jesus.


I replied with:


"Hi. I know you're busy at work, so I wouldn't worry about my stuff. Thanks


Too polite? Too rude? Too short? Happy smile appropriate at the end of that?


I know he is feeling really guilty about screwing me over my exams and he really really wants to know he hasn't held me back for one semester. And I know that he feels extremely guilty for not letting me apply for Grad Positions. But I don't think I should let him know about what's going on with me. 1) I don't think he deserves knowing anything about me 2) I don't want him to feel like what he did to me was alright just because I've moved on. I don't want him to feel better about himself at all.


He didn't mention the money he owed me. So I'm assuming he really doesn't want to pay it back, or doesn't have the means to pay me back.


So should I just let it go? It's $2K....could really use it as bond on a flat and buy some furniture. But I think I'm just going to let go. I don't want to have to constantly be angry about money and I don't want to have frequent contact with him.


I'm happy where I am. I don't want him ruining everything for me again!


Should I just let go of my money? I think I have enough saved for my textbooks next semester....meh, I'll just work extra shifts.


Is it fair to ask someone to pay me back $2K when they are struggling themselves?

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I think that it is great that you passed your exams I know you were really worried about it. I think that your response was good to your ex. I think it was perfect, in fact. The only thing I am disappointed about is that you are going to let him get away without paying you back a large sum of money. I think I would ask him to make a payment plan with you......chi

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I don't know what to do. I really want my money! But I'm scared of keeping in contact with him (even if I get a 3rd party like my mother or someone to communicate with him instead). I really don't want it hanging over my head...but it took me 8 months to save up for that $2K


Should I maybe just ask for a partial payment like $500? That should cover my textbooks. Then just say "Ok that's fine, forget the rest...see ya"

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With the way you still feel I would try and get a 3rd party tp pick up the money. 2K is quite a bit and then after thats done then you can fully move on...


Many congrats on your results....I'm gonna go see if mine are in...>>>>>


Carus* 8-)

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Wow, great news! Just awesome, you passed your exams. I am so happy for you! It seems that even on “autopilot” you can do sufficiently well. Your professional future looks bright, and I cannot stress enough how important it is to be financially independent in your case (given your family dynamics, and now you already know that you cannot trust boyfriends/husbands when money goes. Sorry, if I sound too negative, but this is also my experience).


I certainly would insist that the musician guy reimburses you, he should be held accountable. It is very convenient to break with somebody when you owe that person money!


I would try to talk to his mother about this and involve a third party as well, to avoid too much contact with him.


If it doesn’t work, tell him that you will take a legal action, even if you do not intend to do so. It may frighten him, or at least you will give him a couple of sleepless nights.

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About the money, hell yeah, I'd ask for it back. I don't know how your court processes work over there, but here you can make a small claim yourself. If you're willing to do a bit of homework, you can fill out all the forms yourself and just pay the court admin fees. They're, what, maybe a hundred quid but, if your claim is successful, this figure is added onto what they owe you. If you get judgment in your favour there are several ways they can recoup the money - bailiff (expensive), attachment of earnings. If he isn't in a job then they can put him on the credit blacklist so if he ever wants to get off again he has to pay his dues. A friend of mine did this last one to her ex in a similar scenario to yours - not sure she got anything out of him yet but it did make her feel better. Again, I'm not sure what processes you have over there but I wouldn't let him get away with it. So long as you were clear it was a loan he should pay you back - end of. So I'd send him a follow up email, ahem, forgetting something? Then yeah, I'd take him to court.


Congratulations on the results Good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel, hey

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Thank you!


I have learned that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Always!!


Ehh trying to chase up money between 2 different jurisdictions will be a pain in the ar$e.


BUT, I finally grew some balls and sent this to him via email instead:





Are you able to begin the down payments on money owing at all?


I think perhaps that payments every fortnight is appropriate. Please let me know what you can afford every fortnight and we’ll work something out.




Did I sound too much of a bi%ch? Too rude? I'm a bit paranoid now...should I have give a reason why I needed the money now? Do I need to give a reason as to why I'm asking for it now? Oh dear...



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The quickest way to get him to quit sending those meaningless touchy feely emails is to keep asking for the money! You won't hear a peep on that, or just mumblings about some nebulous time in the future he *might* send you some...


Congrats on the exams! You are well on the way to reclaiming your life and starting a new career... this is all just a speed bump on the road!

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I think your reply was perfect. Of course you don't need to explain why - it's yours, end of.


Ah, he's overseas? That would be a pain in the ass. I wouldn't get lawyers involved personally - I know it's a fair bit but bearing in mind they charge £195 an hour here and you're unlikely to get this back... Might be worth looking at but if I couldn't do it myself, I'd probably leave it TBH. Just put it behind you - you have a great future to look forward after all. Just a speed bump, as lavenderdove says. Or as we call them, a sleeping policeman

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Thanks guys!


Ummm got a reply back..what do I say back?




That's all good and stuff but I might have to wait about a month before I can do that due to unforeseen monetary expenditures.


Hope that's OK with you, is there any particular reason you need it so pronto? Last time we spoke you said I could pay it back once I was in a more stable financial position...?


Might have shot myself in the foot...I did say to him, on the first week after the BU, when I was still begging and being nice etc, that when he was ready he could pay me back.


Well, I'm no longer begging and I don't want him back, just want my money.


Sounds like I'm not going to get my money. DAMMIT.


The man will NEVER be in a financially stable position. What a F loser. 28 years old and hasn't got the balls to even say "What about $20.00 a fortnight" because I'd take $20.00 fortnight over 0.


FFS, it's my money, I don't have to f give him a reason why I want it now right?


Ok off to my awesome counsellor, she'll know what to do LOL



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You did great! And major congrats on doing so well on your exams!


Yeah, just text back, say you just pretty strapped at the moment and if he could just do an auto deposit of $50 a fortnight, that would be great. You dont need to explain more than that.


Well done girl!!

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I agree with the others. He'll never be in a stable financial situation. What unforeseen circumstances? A lifesaving operation? Or a new pair of shoes? You don't have to explain yourself. I'd say you want to get it settled, so if he'd like to put forward a proposed payment plan, you'll give it due consideration.


I wouldn't hold out too much hope of getting it back. The friend I mentioned had thousands creamed out of her, but she just looked at it like anything she did get back was a bonus.

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Wanted, you wrote in your previous post that you will be starting a vocational training at a law firm, will there be a possibility to consult with your senior colleagues there what the posiibility are to get your money back, given that the other party lives overseas. If you ask nicely, nobody will refuse to give you an advice. May be there are possibilities in the legislation that nobody here in the forum knows, who knows may be there are some less expensive solutions. I am sure there are legal agreements signed between UK and US, just have to check. Take it as a part of your pofessional training


This is why I said, even if you do not intend to go for a full-blown legal action (in case it would cost more than the owed amount), at least you can threaten your ex with this possibility, I am sure he will become more cooperating with the back payments. Take care.

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