Listen to the people!

[joswsieg]

I just wanted to say that I have learned a valuable lesson these past weeks. That is to listen to the posters on this forum! Especially the more experienced ones (you know who you are) who have been here for awhile!

 

I chose not to listen to them and contact my ex (on multiple occasions) and all it did was hurt me more and shatter me emotionally. So when these guys and gals on ENA say NC you should really listen to them and follow these rules (I REALLY wish I had).

 

1. Go NC immediately!!

2. Don't try to make excuses for seeing them such as getting things back you don't REALLY need.

3. Take everything your ex is saying at face value. You should automatically assume if they say it then they mean it.

4. Be realistic about your situation.

5. Remember that if they really wanted to be with you at this point in time then they would most likely still be with you now.

6. Keep them off the pedestal and focus entirely on yourself and how to fix your issues.

7. Realize what you did wrong in the relationship and fix it on your own.

8. Go to the gym or get physical exercise everyday.

9. Don't sit around moping all day long- stay busy.

10. Most importantly- LISTEN TO THE EXPERIENCED POSTERS ON ENA! I DIDN'T START DOING THIS UNTIL TODAY AND I'VE MADE MY PAIN MUCH WORSE AS A RESULT.

 

If you want to know exactly what not to do then read some of my posts... lol.... I thought my situation was unique and I found out the hard way that it wasn't.

Good luck friends..

[Carus]

Another Man is reborn*

 

Ever Forward

8-)

[Injured Lion]

There may be times when you think there is no hope for a brighter future, that you won't be able to move on, and that the pain will never go away. But believe me, it will get easier as time passes. Don't give up on yourself. You must stay strong and believe in yourself that you can get through this. If your questioning it, the answer is that you WILL get through this and in the end, you WILL be stronger. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Live life. Stay Strong. And prove to yourself that you are somebody.

[Snowy]

The only reason why people give good advice on here is because we've been through it all as well. We've all been burned one or multiple times.

 

Most of the time, the only way people can really learn is to get burned.

 

You don't know how hot a pan is til after you've touched it.

[endy]

I've been there multiple times. I've learned from it just like you are now. The best thing to do is ALWAYS get you back, no exceptions. It doesn't matter if you want to reconcile or want them back. Let go with love and get YOU back. If you do, sometimes they come back, and if not then you're going to be ready quicker to meet someone new. It's really that simple. People that WANT their ex back right away usually do it out of exactly that. A WANT to make the pain go away. It's the easy way out, but it's USUALLY temporary relief IMO.

 

The best thing that I can suggest is to let go with love, and move on. If you want them back, the universe knows it. If it's meant to happen, it's going to happen eventually, but you don't decide that. That's why to get you back, to get you strong again loving yourself... is the best bet. People are not attracted to a broken person. Would you want to be with a broken person or someone longing for their ex back? Yeah, and neither does your ex, and if they do it's usually out of the guilt from you begging. After awhile if both people don't move on the feelings that were originally there come back.

 

Is this generic? Yes. Is it the end all be all in every case? No. But in the majority of cases, it's best to move on and start loving yourself and depending on yourself inside for happiness. That's why most of the more experienced people on here advise the same thing. If they believe it's wise for YOU to get back with your ex... They advise it. It's rare but I've seen it advised, but most of the time it's not, and for good reason.

[CMS]

Much better than your previous posts, Jos, now its time for you to follow your own words.

 

Happy healing

[Sweetkisses22]

So true..im going to try my best to keep doing all of this and reminding myself that if he wanted to be with me right now we wouldbbe together and I wouldn't be writing on here about all the screwed up things he's done to me.

[AR15101991]

Mate I am in exactly the same position as you.

 

I only realised yesterday that I have to put myself first and listen to other people on here.

 

good luck in the future

[Mellie]

You'll be alright mate. Letting go seems like the hardest thing in the world - unthinkable even - but once you've done it life can only get better. It's not going to be tomorrow - but someday you will look back on all this and wonder what all the fuss was about.

[Brownstone322]

Joswsieg, about two years there was a guy here who was a lost cause. He started a new thread at least once a day, and they all said the same thing: "How could she do this?" ... "It's as if I never existed" ... "How this is possible?" ... "I can't believe this happened" ... "How can she have no feelings at all?" ... the same post over and over and over. (I won't name his name, but anyone who was here will remember him; believe me, he stood out.) It's not just that he was in terrible pain (as if he were the only one, which was implicitly disrespectful to everyone else), but he ignored everything anyone told him (disrespectful again). After a while, he just pissed everyone off; sad but true. I think that, eventually, we effectively ran him off the board, because if he ever learned anything, he never showed it.

 

Anyway, I was beginning to think you were "the new him." But the big difference between you and him was that he never stood up and took responsibility. He never issued a mea culpa. And now you have.

 

So stick to everything you wrote above. Don't just say it, live it. ('Cept don't overdo the exercise part; the body needs rest. You'll need to feel your best when you're laying the ol' pipe to another girl who values you.