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Infatuated and in Love with Best Friend


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I'm a 44 year-old married male. I generally keep my feelings bottled up and to myself but, here goes... I have been in love with my best friend and co-worker for about 10 years now. She is a wonderful person. She is also married but is having difficulties with her husband and thinking about cheating on him or leaving him because he shows her no affection and she feels alone in the marriage. She is a beautiful girl and would have no problem finding a guy. This is killing me inside. I know deep down that we would never work as a couple for long. I don't think she knows that I'm obsessed/in love with her to the extent that I am. I treat her like a queen and I know that I treat her better than any other guy could. However, she only sees me as a brother figure and a friend. I've looked for other jobs just to try and get away from her in the hopes that my feelings for her would subside. I don't know what to do at this point. I can't stay away from her at work because we work on projects together. If I ever told her my true feelings, it would change our relationship or at least change the way she treats me.

I'm glad I found this website/forum because this is the first time I've ever openly expressed these feelings to anyone! Someone HELP ME PLEASE!!!

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Love isn't easy in a situation like this. It's harder now, because she was clearly unavailable before, but the lines are blurred now.


I think Crazyaboutdogs asked the right question- how does your wife fit into this? What is your relationship like with her? Are you interested in continuing that relationship?

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I think you need to think of the bigger picture here. It sounds like the two of you have a great friendship but once it crosses that line, your friendship is destroyed. And because you are BOTH married, things could get ugly. Also, think of your wife. I don't know what that current relationship is like but at least you owe her enough respect to be faithful to her during the course of your marriage. Have you thought about speaking to a counsellor about your feelings?

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I'm sorry you're in this situation. Here are my two cents:


1. Given what you wrote here, DON'T tell her.


However, she only sees me as a brother figure and a friend

2. Keep trying to find another job.


3. Talk to a counsellor, and address your marriage problems if you have any. Consider MC if appropriate.


Good luck. You can get through this, but it will require a lot of work.

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