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Please help me i think i've just ruined everything


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My boyfriend and I have been together 4.5 years and during that time we've split up a few times, the longest time being a month last October. Recently things have started to turn sour again. He spends an awful lot of time doing other things. He is a member of two bands and takes part in other sporting activities as well as working 10 hours a day 6 days a week. This means i dont get to spend a lot of time with him and latley i've started to feel neglected but i've been too scared to say anything.


Everytime i see him he is always tired and if i ask him to do something as a couple he is always busy. So anyway i've been feeling lonely latley, especially as i'm not working many hours at the moment and i've been going on a few nights out. He's always been funny when i go on nights out and i can count on one hand the amount of times ive been out this year.


Last week i went on a night out with college friends and i invited my boyfriend because he's never met my college friends. He said he was at band practice so he couldnt make it, so i ended up going out with my friends (one of my friends boyfriends is his best friend). I have both male and female friends btw (he knows this) and the next day the pictures of the night out ended up on facebook.


My boyfriend has noticed i've been indifferent latley and said he wanted things to change, so i had this bright idea that we should be friends on facebook, even though it caused trouble in the past. I added him last night and i didnt delete anything because i dont have anything to hide. He stayed over last night and accepted my request when he got to work this morning and i woke up to find missed calls and texts from him calling me a ****, saying he didnt want to be with me anymore etc. I answered the phone and he started screaming telling me to admit i was cheating on him. I havent cheated on him, so i got upset and asked where this had come from. He said i was making him look stupid by my pictures on facebook with other guys from college. That was this morning....i've been trying to ring him back and i've text him hundreds of time since to try and explain and he wont reply or answer. What should i do? I havent cheated on him, i'm so scared he doesnt want to be with me anymore.

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i understand him having issues though, because his first girlfriend cheated on him with one of his best friends so i can understand. And also i probably would get upset if i saw pictures of him on facebook with other girls, however i would give him the chance to explain to me and wouldnt accuse him of cheating from just a picture. I did ask if he'd like to come out that night, so i had nothing to hide and he would have met these guy friends anyway, he might have even spoken to them and realised they had girlfriends =[ i just wish he'd let me explain.


do you think its a good idea to turn up at his when he finishes work?

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Seriously, just because an ex cheated on him, doesn't mean you will. Especially after 4.5 years, if he can't trust you by now, he will NEVER trust you. When there is no trust in a relationship, there is no relationship. I'm sorry but I agree with buddah55, cut your losses. I know its easier said than done but someone who jumps to conclusions like that and won't even let you explain yourself, will be like that for the rest of their life to you. Unless thats how you want to spend the rest of your life. I'd say get out while you still can before things get worse and anyone else can get further hurt. I'm sorry.

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I guess he's always had a problem when i go out and thats why i dont go out that often. I usually get the silent treatment for a day or two. I love him so much and i feel so bad for allowing there to be pictures of myself on facebook with other guys. Although the pictures are just me stood next to the other guy and the same pictures were also taken of my female friends with the said guys.


Since then ive deleted my facebook and i notice he has too.

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"I did ask if he'd like to come out that night, so i had nothing to hide and he would have met these guy friends anyway, he might have even spoken to them and realised they had girlfriends =[ i just wish he'd let me explain."


It doesn't matter... what if they didn't have girlfriends? probably wouldn't have changed your platonic feelings/convos during that night. Sorry, but that only word that comes to mind for this situation is gross...so unhealthy and you're rationalizing it for him and making it seem OK. it's NOT. you need to have relationships with both sexes. his ex cheating is no excuse.


"do you think its a good idea to turn up at his when he finishes work?" - you sound equally as crazy here.

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Most women would be running so fast from this guy they would leave tread marks in their wake. This guy is TROUBLE! He can do whatever he wants whenever he wants to do it but you cannot go out with friends?!! He wouldn't last a day with me, I want more for myself than this guy.

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suzie, while there are issues here that any couple would deal with (I'm not friends with my bf on FB because I don't want to deal with all the possible misinterpretation, etc.) your bf's total overreaction and accusation is, like everyone else here has said, PSYCHO. If you've been off and on again, then I encourage you to seriously consider if you have long-term potential with one another. You may be mismatched, and it won't ever get better.


The title of this thread says "I'VE" just ruined. No, dear. Your actions haven't ruined anything. Don't take responsibility for how your bf is reacting. (I know how that is, been there done that, got the gold medal.) I mean, I trust you have HIS picture on your FB page somewhere, right? So it's not like you were flaunting standing next to your guy friends.


Anyway, instead of going to see your bf at his work place, go off by yourself and think about how you feel about your relationship and whether or not you could imagine being with someone who makes more time for you and allows you the freedom to associate with men friends from college. I've been in a bad relationship before, and it's only with hindsight that I realized I could be happier with someone else.

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I think he's been checking out for a while and now he's got the perfect opportunity to make it all your fault. Just a feeling from the post, but if I were you, I'd just let him go. Don't try to explain. In fact, tell him you have nothing to explain at all. If anyone should be explaining anything, he needs to explain why he cant spend any time with you, why he cares what you do at all since he's not interested, and what makes him think you have cheated on him. Someone else cheated on me is not a valid reason to believe you have cheated on him, by the way.


He's the one who needs to explain and apologize, IMO.

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