I feel so alone

[Alpalh93]

I'm not normal. I'm different I have pain all over my body and nothing helps and no one gets it. I found out I have stomach cancer a couple months ago and I'm scared. No one in my family gets it and my boyfriend says he's here for me and will listen but when I try to tell him how I feel he gets mad at me for being negative. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have so much drama in my life and no one understands what it's like to be me. I'm tired of this life and I'm tired of being in pain and not feeling good enough.

[DN]

I think you should look for a local support group of people with similar problems who understand what you are going through and will be able to help.

[Angel Irulan]

A support group can help, actually. One of the things they might tell you is not only do you have to deal with your illness, you have to deal with people's reactions to it. I don't mean to sound negative, but I had an illness that took me out of the workforce and everyone had to deal with it. It still tortures my parents, actually! I have met other people who have had the same issues. Don't get upset, okay? First, deal with your illness! Do the things you need to do to get well and stay pain free. Second deal with the money. File for benefits, find charities to help you do things your insurance and family can't. There are some out there! Then deal with the family. You might have some people who get right away that your first priority has to be you and getting well. There are people who will have the lightbulb experience right away that your circumstances have changed, you've had to change along with it,and they will have to adjust too. And then there are the people who are not easy at understanding. Sadly, some of them are the ones who are closest to you, and have depended on you to be in their life. They will take your changes and say to you: "Hey, change back!" Every time you tell them you've got to do something they aren't used to. This is hard to deal with, and I really don't know what to say, except possibly get a therapist. And for your boyfriend, maybe you could drag him along, to a therapist or a support group so he knows what's going on and who he needs to be for you.

 

Angel

[Stampedingwolf]

...I actually feel about the same way you do, honestly. The only difference is the stomach cancer part, and that I'm single. I'm generally very unhappy and lonely, and it's rare on occasion that I enjoy myself. I actually wonder myself why people can't deal with the negativity...The negativity itself is really a simple cry for help. I do feel pain throughout most of my body, and sometimes I wish I wasn't in so much pain. The difference between you and I, is that I don't know if I'm sick or not...I'm too stubborn to go to the doctor and find out. I don't like being in places like that; just being around needles makes me feel sick enough. I still remember that last time I went and got a tuberculosis test done, and I blacked out completely and remained conscious; that was scary. Everything was so dark, and the only thing you could see was the lights, if you looked up at the ceiling. They were a very dim orange. I thought I was dying, so I tried to at least relax and see what happened...a minute or two later, my vision came back. That wasn't even the side effects of the shot; that was my very reaction to receiving the shot.

 

...Sometimes I listen to certain kinds of specific music to help cope with the situation. Alter Bridge has many of songs that relate to the subject matter on how I feel for the most part, and some of their songs have healing power that helps me feel better. A group that is amazing in particular is Sigur Ros; I doubt that you've heard of them, but I have very emotional reactions to some of their songs, like "Saeglopur" and "Samskeyti". I'm just suggesting this if you at least want some form of comfort through lyrical form if you're by yourself. Alter Bridge songs in particular are "Open Your Eyes", "In Loving Memory", "Watch Over You", "Blackbird", "I know it hurts", "Words Darker than their wings", and "Breathe Again".

 

But just to let you know myself...Like the song by Alter Bridge "I know it hurts"...We all fall sometimes, and just remember that you're not the first, and maybe one day if you can strive to make things different for yourself and fight against the pain and sorrow, maybe you just might find what you deserve...Just my way of saying not to give up hope, and don't just lay down, and let it kill you without a fight.

[Alpalh93]

I don't know if there are any support groups here for what I have. And I have talken to a professional and I felt like she was judging me so I didn't go back. It was like she was saying I was crazy and I was too young to understand anything when in reality I probably know more then she did about my situation. And my boyfriend I just want him to know I can't always be a positive cheerful person I once was and if he didn't wanna listen to my problems don't tell me to talk to you! And stampedingwolf go see a doctor they might help.

[RelaxByWater84]

You could try to look online for support groups. I would suggest one that would have you face-to-face with people. I researched to an extent for support groups in your state, here is the link link removed. I hope this helps and I hope you get better and that you will not have much physical and/or emotional pain.

[Alpalh93]

I checked out the support group website thing and they don't have any in my town but thanks for trying to help