dreams about ex, bringing it all back

[Sunshin3]

Hi all, I've been having some pretty realistic dreams lately about my ex. We were together for close to two years. I had/have his baby. We broke up almost a year ago and have been NC for 6-7 months. We don't even live in the same province. I know he has a gf and I am seeing someone. But lately I've been having dreams of him coming back to me, and apoligizing for leaving his son and me for current gf. This is all pretty ridiciouls since I know he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. But I wake up in the morning missing him terribly and wishing the dreams would actually happen. I feel guilty because the guy I'm with now is so perfect. I just can't help but miss my ex..and I know I still love him, but I've learned to accept that. I was doing SO good with not thinking about him..ugh any one else have this problem? I know you can't stop dreams but any other tips?

[blackhawks1287]

There really is nothing you can do when your subconscious is dreaming about him at night.

 

You are just not over him yet, or not over what he did to you. You brain wants him to realize what he is missing out on and what he did to you and your child.

 

To be honest you are right in feeling guilty, because this is not fair to the new guy, perfect or not. But there is nothing you can actively do to PREVENT these things from happening. It is natural when you are not over someone and the trauma they caused during and after the BU.

 

It will pass in time. Just keep up the happy memories with the new guy and your child.

[Snowy]

This is just a phase. Don't worry about it.

 

The more you think about it, the deeper you might sink.

 

Keep moving on with your life.

[holymoseph]

When we enter REM sleep our brain pretty much is working through problems left unresolved. You may not (or try) not to think about your ex in your wake but your subconscious hasn't forgotten and it is trying deal with wrought emotions. It seems to me that you'd feel better if he HAD came back and apologized (and lets be honest, who wouldn't and I'm so sorry to hear that you have a child he's left. So sad. Your little one and you deserve so much better) but he hasn't. It's proven that our brain cannot tell the difference between what has happened and what we Think has happened. And it will provide itself with its own reality to cope. I'm guessing you've probably tried to be incrediably strong through his abandonment of you and your child and haven't fully delt with the trauma of it all yet.

I'd seek a professional to deal with those emotions. That's alot to deal with. Don't try to do it all on your own girl. No shame in getting help. It'd probably benefit you and your lil one for you to do so. Let's face it, he's the father of your child, you've got a whole lifetime of dealing with his absence.

[Robin2904]

Yes sadly there isn't much we can do to control our dreams. I wish it were possible, as I still dream about the ex far too much for my liking. Did something trigger it? Usually for me something will bring them on more, some sort of contact, finding something of his, bringing him up in conversation in my life. It's impossible to avoid all of that 100 percent, but they usually make it worse. I think it's normal though. We are always going to have our memories, our emotions are always going to be there. At one point we loved them very much, and even with time passing, even having moved on in most ways those feelings can still be there to a degree and creep up on you. As mentioned, it is subconscious, you can't control that. Just have to wait it out, focus on your son, your new guy. You sound like you have a wonderful thing going on now with the new man in your life. Try to focus your energy on that. When ever you have these feelings tell yourself- your ex is not worth it. He chose to leave, but your new guy chooses to stay. Focus on that and working on making that stronger, not in spite of the feelings you have for the ex, but BECAUSE of them.