Had the most unsuccessful night ever... dont think i will ever attract a girl

[helko]

Hi all

 

So in this city right now its stampede, which is basically a huge rodeo but it also takes over the whole city and is basically a 10 day festival. on the weekend i went with a friend on one of these organized pub crawls they have here with thousands of people, and it probably ended up being the worst experience of my life. ive been severely depressed for a long time, ive been on anti depressants for close to a year, and just dont know who to talk to anymore. i dont want anybody who is close to me to know how i feel, especially not my family because it would make them so upset (they live in a different country btw). So im posting on here more in the hope than expectation that somebody will listen

 

anyways, here is a short list of everything that happened (in chronological order)

 

- got completely ignored by every girl on the "party bus" after the first bar. meanwhile my friend, who has a girlfriend had no shortage of girls who wanted to come up and have a chat. he's much better looking so i completely expect that, but i was just so disappointed that even the ones who were talking to him wouldnt say anything to me. again, its nothing against him, he's a top guy and even tried to direct the conversation my way once or twice, but they were having none of it.

 

- ran into one girl who i really like at the 2nd bar. she rejected me a while ago, but we're still friends and hang out every couple of months. we had a dance and i offered to buy her a beer. while i was getting the beer there was an annoucement that her group was leaving in 10 mins. when i got back she wasnt there, and didnt bother to text or call me.

 

- was lining up for food in the 3rd bar, which was the longest line ever (20 mins). i was chatting to this girl for the whole time we were lining up. she was ahead of me, so she asked me what i wanted and she would buy it (it was a little hole in the wall of the bar into the kitchen). I said i'd grab a hot dog for me and my friend, and offered to get whatever she would like, and gave her $20. when i got to the front, i realize hot dogs arent on the menu, and she is nowhere to be seen

 

- got ignored by another girl on the next bus. who decided she would talk to pretty much anybody and everybody except me. oh and also got rejected by everybody i was trying to dance with

 

- chatted to a girl at the train station on the way home. she was with a group of friends who were all causing trouble and she didnt want any part of it. we had a great chat, she seemed really nice, really friendly and just a fantastic person... and it turns out she has a boyfriend and is going home to see him in the morning

 

even before this, my self esteem was extremely low... now im just shattered and dont have the motivation to do anything. i just dont know how im ever going to meet anyone here when this kind of stuff keeps happening, let alone in one night. im really shy, it takes a lot for me to talk to a girl, let alone ask her to dance. and i thought during a time and setting where everybody is having a good time and meeting new people it would be somewhat easier... and instead it has been kind of soul destroying

 

im not sure whether posting here will achieve anything, but if you read to the end, thanks for listening

[listed]

The event you're talking about seems like a recipe for flaky behavior. Everyone is moving around randomly just trying to have short term fun, not the best place to look for a girl. You might get some short term attention like you did but it seems like if you want to do more than talk to someone for a minute you should do it other ways.

[dali]

we all have those nights, dry your eyes mate things will get better. are the anti depressants working for you? if not could be time to change to a better one if you don't feel better after awhile

[agatha]

this is the exactly kind of night someone with a momentarily low self esteem should avoid as they would the plague. you keep hopping from place to place, no more than 5 minutes to talk, someone turns around and poof! gone. people are drunk and random, so if you care too much about how you are being treated you will feel disrespected every couple of minutes. sure recipe for getting home in a worst state than you went out (been there way too many times).

 

and as redundant as it may sound, it's not you the girls 'reject'. it's your attitude, and that's workable. where will you start from?

[donkzilla]

bro, just take it easy for a minute. you're obviously a top guy, i know it's easier for me to say cheer up or whatever but CHEER UP!! First of all, those types of events aren't very good for meeting potential girlfriends, sure there are awesome girls there but alot of them are looking for short term fun ie. just a good night with friends, a hook up or even more in some case.. you catch my drift. Secondly man, people have bad nights, i went out on the weekend and i only had like a couple of girls that seemed interested in me whereas the rest of them turned their noses up at me like i was hideous haha and sometimes you have no girls that even find you attractive at all when you're out and about.

 

Don't feel down man, people go through different stages in life, you'll meet an awesome girl sooner or later. I mean, i've been told before that im attractive by alot of people, i have an athletic body, im tall, i work, am studying and am not a complete wanker like some guys, and.. guess what? i've never had a girlfriend and have never done anything with a girl. I know there's nothing wrong with me it's just the fact that YOU have to make your own luck. I came close to dating girls a few times but for some odd reason they overthought it too much. If you pull your chin up, walk around confidently and talk to the girls, you WILL find one. I was going through a similar stage that you're obviously in now, i worked through it and now i look back and wonder why i thought i was ugly? why i thought i'd never date and why i wasn't confident. Dude feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about it, I'd love to try and help some more.

[Perrin83]

Bars aren't the best places for finding someone to date. They're for hookups. I very much doubt that you need the emotional turmoil that comes with a random hookup. You should figure out (I hope you already know) your interests and start going to THOSE types of events. I'm willing to bet that you'll find someone there that shares a common interest with you. They're the ones that are going to be best for you.

 

Good luck!

[whosnext]

Hey man, just going out and attempting to talk to women is half the battle. It takes courage and you showed that you have what it takes. Most don't even make it out the door. But as others have hinted at.. your expectations are way too high. Bar crawls and crazy nights like that are not the ideal places to find a partner. I used to be tough on myself too with women. The only thing that accomplishes is ruining your self-esteem and setting yourself up for failure. If you approach a woman with poor self-esteem and expectations of bagging yourself a mate, then you will give off this vibe to the girl and you're dead in the water.

 

Take it or leave it, but my advice is to keep approaching women, work on developing a good care-free attitude in these situations (like detaching yourself from the 'results'), and improving your self-esteem. Search the internet on self-esteem stuff.. there are tons of resources and they will give you new perspective. Good luck and stay strong!