Ex wants to be friends

[KJ2008]

Heres the short version:

 

I was engaged to a girl for almost a year, she left me April 1st, 2011. I tried getting her back for about a month and when I found she was talking to someone else, I stopped all contact and started to move on. There were a few nights of me drunk texting her and being rude and we never talked after that. About two or three weeks ago, I went to dinner with a friend (a female) and saw my ex with her family. The next day, I went to a fair and beer tent with the same female friend which I saw my ex with her new man and a couple of their friends. My female friend recieved a text from one of my ex's friends asking if we were dating. I told her to reply with a "maybe why does it matter".

 

A few days ago, i get a text at 1:30am from my ex just saying "sorry". I asked her about it and she said she didn't know why she sent it. Yesterday, we texted for an hour or so and last night I started getting that sad feeling like I was missing her again.

 

I texted her today telling her I dont think we can be friends right now because I'm just not ready and that I didn't know if I'd ever be ready. Her response was "okay, what does that mean? Are we just going to cut each other out of our lives forever"? I told her that the only thing we'll probably ever be is people who wave at each other as we pass going down the street. She said "if thats how you feel". Then she said "I wish you the best of luck with everything, I really do"

 

Now I'm not sure if i want her back, seeing as what she put me through, but I'm really questioning her motives for being friends or what is going through her head at this point. Im hoping some more experienced people on here could maybe shed some light on this situation. Thank You so much.

 

Kelv.

[azulcosa]

Hey Kelv,

 

My ex did a very similar thing. The response to me saying I don't think we can be friends ended with the exact same lines as your ex's: "if that how you feel and best of luck, etc."

 

In my situation, my ex just wanted to be friends and probably just felt guilty for all the pain I went through. Eventually, we started talking again, but I only did it to show I'm not still in pain (even though I am) and I've moved on (even though I haven't).

 

I think just give it some time. I was in NC for about 2 months before we started talking again. Do I regret being in contact again? I would say yes. I should have just start in NC. Things would have been easier and I think I would have been in a better place. I'm basically starting to feel shattered again, so I need to now go back into NC.

 

So, my recommendation would be to stick it out with NC. Do a month first and then re-evaluate.

[listed]

Very simple. You can't know her motivations whether they are guilt, or a small amount of good will or the fact that she likes you just a little but not enough, either way you shouldn't be talking to her at all. You're just making it worse for yourself.

[DN]

There are people who can't bear the thought that their ex has moved on to someone else and isn't going to pine over them for the rest of their lives - so they pull a stunt like this hoping to disrupt a new relationship.

[KJ2008]

Pretty much my thoughts as well. I was/still am doing very well, just had a minor setback and my curiosity got the best of me.

[Danny77]

Id stay in NC as IMO she judt wants to be friends as a platform to move on for her.

Thus destroying YOU buddy.

 

Stay NC and look after yourself or you're gonna get hurt.

(that wasn't a threat btw) hahah

[KJ2008]

Yea I'm good at the no contact thing. Had to cut out a girl that was leading me on recently lol. Best thing about my whole break up a few months back, I come back from feeling down really fast now lol

[Danny77]

Practice makes perfect brother.

 

Good Luck

[BONO]

As you know, im in the same place and totally agree.

 

 

There are people who can't bear the thought that their ex has moved on to someone else and isn't going to pine over them for the rest of their lives - so they pull a stunt like this hoping to disrupt a new relationship.

[hello678]

There are people who can't bear the thought that their ex has moved on to someone else and isn't going to pine over them for the rest of their lives - so they pull a stunt like this hoping to disrupt a new relationship.

This is very true.

 

She dumped you, because of this she gets no say as to whether you guys are friends or never speak to one another for the rest of your lives. She just wanted some form of attention I feel.

[Dlar]

Jealousy I think is the case here. Sounds odd as she ended it, but her seeing you with someone else and thinking you're are dating will have made her a tad jealous. Shes moved on but will hate that you have too.

 

She was probably hoping you wouldnt get over her so easily, in case it doesn't go right with this other guy she can come back and you'd welcome her with open arms!

 

Thats how I see it anyway.

[KJ2008]

Whatever the reason, it's for HER own benefit. This is one thing I've learned so far.

[KJ2008]

I will add this, which I think is slightly odd.

 

About 2 months after our breakup her cousin and I have gotten to be really good friends. Needless to say, my ex is angry with her cousin and won't talk to her, but will talk to me still?