Does this ever get easy?? :(

[cas83]

Hello,

 

I posted here some time ago about my ex cheating on me.

 

It's been 4 months since the break-up. He is parading his new girlfriend around for me to see and hurt over and I haven't made any progress! I keep trying to remind myself that I left him because he was a cheater and a liar, and he disrespected me on numerous occasions.... but it really hurts to see him happy with someone else and move on SO QUICKLY. (2 weeks!!! that's all it took geez) Why is he happy with her and treats her better than he treated me? How can he bring himself to be in a serious relationship when 4 months ago we were a short time away from our wedding? Meanwhile, I cry myself to sleep EVERY night.. I see his name pop up everywhere (unusually often) and I can't focus or be happy. Why is Karma not at work here??

 

I guess what I'm trying to ask is... when does it get easier? I am soooooo down on myself. Everyone tells me I am beautiful but I don't even see it anymore.. I guess that's what being cheated on repeatedly by a man you're in love with does to you. The fact that I left him and not vice-versa gives me little comfort too.. I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep looking at pictures of them on facebook... it's eating away at me.. I can't stop thinking about it! I actually think I'm much prettier than her (and everyone says so too) but clearly that doesn't make a difference. It hurts SO bad. :sad:

 

Does it ever get easier? Isn't 4 months a borderline long time to be feeling like this with almost zero progress?

 

Please help..

[Kitkat973]

The first step is to stop torturing yourself.

 

Stop looking at pictures of them on facebook. Stop allowing him to be a part of your life where he can flaunt his new girlfriend.

[Tryptophan]

You remind me of me. He cheated on me too. Well, almost cheated on me but I felt as if he had cheated on me. The point is, I felt cheated and disrespected so I broke up with him. We had some contact after and of course, it was damaging. Then I kept checking his FB, and it was even more ****** up, but I stopped—I left FB altogether since it's full of drama anyway. I even stopped talking to some mutual friends (who were more on his side), found new places to hang out at, and I haven't seen him since the breakup. I feel my social life has gotten so much better with all these changes. Just stay away from the places where you know he will be, find newer, funner spots. Make new friends if your mutual friends keep mentioning him. I know that's easier said than done but at least do it for a time that will help you heal.

 

As long as you keep his new activity within your circuit, you won't heal. Just remind yourself you don't want **** to do with a cheater/liar/piece of ****, it'll slowly sink in your brain. STOP torturing yourself like Kitkat said. It's up to YOU!

[DN]

How is he parading her around?

[lemsip]

I was driving myself mad with FB so I got my mate to change my password and not tell me.

Last week I told him to just deactivate it indefinitely.

Don't miss it one bit - though I dread the day I have to log in again and sort out all the photos...

[cas83]

In regards to the posts...

 

The problem is that we are both salsa dancers... well, I'm closer to pro level than he is. Actually, it has always been my passion. Since we broke up, he has been coming to all the salsa clubs with her.. I don't want to stop going because it has honestly been my therapy through this break-up... I stopped going for a month and sank into a deep depression... now that I'm dancing again I am so happy but i see them together and it hurts more than you can imagine..

 

He even brings her to all the clubs that him and I were regulars at for years!!! I mean the entire community knows us and knew us as partners for years.. now I don't have a salsa partner (it's hard to find a good dancer that is also willing to practice and compete but I'm looking) and he has literally substituted her with me in EVERY sense of the word without as much as a flinch on his behalf! Like what we had meant nothing! And people honestly loved us and loved to see a young attractive couple that dated and danced well.. we were a hit everywhere and everyone knew about us.. (little did they know what went on behind closed doors.. the screaming and cheating and lying... he's a good actor in public) I know what you might suggest but I can't go to different clubs because I dance where all the pros dance and I'm very involved in the community..the festivals..the congress..etc etc

 

Another thing that bothers me is that she is Latina and I am not. I'm European (Spain)

 

He has always been OBSESSED with latinas and they're whole culture (he's not latino he is also from Spain)... I don't know why.. I find they're culture trashy but whatever. When we used to travel to Cuba just seeing the way he stared at some of the half naked girls that worked at the resort (and even flirted with them) made my skin boil.. funny thing is he didn't cheat on me with latinas (one was Arabic and the other was French) but now he's dating one and it hurts like hell to see the 2 of them together dancing.. especially when I know he's obessed with their culture (he always talked about it) and wants to move to South America.. I don't think I'll ever get over it if he moves there with her and lives happily ever after I might sound crazy but being with this guy for so many years and feeling inadequate because I'm not latina and then being cheated on and then seeing him with a latina.. the whole thing has slowly killed me inside over the past few years and I don't know how to build myself back up and find myself again.. it hurts so friggin bad! (it didn't start out this way.. I thought I was the love of his life in the beginning)

 

Please help.. I don't know what to do... the entire thing has eaten away at me.. I miss him like crazy and I don't understand WHY HE HAD THE GOOD LUCK to meet someone 2 WEEKS after I dumped him for cheating on me for the second time.. and I can't find someone to have that strong passionate connection I had with him.. nor do I even feel ready too.... I burst into tears at the thought. I've gone completely nuts.. almost to the point where I packed my bags and was ready to move to Spain. But my father passed away and I didn't want to leave my mother here alone.. sigh.

[lavenderdove]

the thing is you imagine this great life for them, but if he is a liar and a cheater, it is just a matter of time before he does that to this new girl too... You keep imagining your in her shoes as if he is suddenly a different person, the person you always wanted, honest and loving and blah blah blah, but if he's a liar and cheater, he WILL do it again whenever the thrill wears off with this new girl, because that is who he is.

 

I remember mourning a man i was totally in love with who turned out to be a liar and a cheat, and i did the same thing, imagined he was living this perfect life with a woman he married eventually. But what actually happened was he started cheating on her within a year of marriage, knocked up another woman, and their marriage exploded in divorce after about 5 years when the wife discovered he had a mistress and another child. Then he immediately moved in with this other woman who had his kid and one might again say, ah, he met his true love (yet again), but he was only with that woman for a few years and guess what, he took off with yet another woman. And last i heard, he was now bored with her and chasing affairs yet again. He throws himself from woman to woman whenever he get bored or the honeymoon period is over.

 

So you are torturing yourself with a FANTASY of what you think his perfect life with her is like, but if he's are real liar and cheater, it's just a matter of time before he does it again, and again, and again. So it may be perfect for them AT THIS MOMENT, but i lay about 95% odds it won't stay that way for them. He's a betrayer, and the person betrayers only truly bonds are with THEMSELVES.

[wicked6018]

why would you want to be with someone who cheated, anyway? there is much better out there somewhere. honestly, it's better to be alone that will a cheater...le t her have him!!! trust me, if he did that to you, he will most likely do it to her, too, or she will hurt him! karma is a * * * * * !

[cas83]

Quite possibly the BEST post I ever read! Thank you!

 

Question: He had another ex-girlfriend between me and his ex-wife (the ex wife was Persian I think). He cheated on his ex wife because he never loved her and married too young. (he says) Then he meets this latina girl that his sister tells me he fell in love with her.. apparently he never cheated on her.. stayed home with her all the time.. etc etc... he even cooked and cleaned for her! She left him after less than a year because she found out about his bad past.. no other reason according to his sister. He was broken hearted and then met me shortly after... then treated me like * * * * for the whole not being latina thing..cheated and lied etc etc Now that he's with this other latina... I keep thinking he will treat her like gold like he did the one before me.. I know it shouldn't matter but the thought that I suffered almost 4 years for someone who would never love me as much as he loved that girl or would love this new one really really hurts... and it has also made me very insecure. His sister, brother and sister in law all said the same thing about that one girl he never cheated on.. could it be true? Just trying to make sense of this all...

[Bella4]

Please, if you're to take any advice - delete him and BLOCK him from Facebook - you are causing yourself more pain and suffering.

 

He is a cheat, and leopard's very rarely change their spots - she is just another victim of his, and you should feel a little bit sorry for her, because she'll get sucked in the way you did, and get hurt the way you have too.

 

You do not need poisonous people like him in your life. I'm sorry that you had to go through what you have - but you'll find someone worth keeping one day.

[sadchick83]

I know how you feel....my Dad passed away a few months ago, and I haven't gone out in months. I spend every weekend with my Mom. But, eventually karma will reward you for your kind actions. Like Lavenderdove says, you are dreaming if you think his life is perfect. I hope this new girl belts him when he cheats on her-- and he will.

Not everyone is like you cas, he may run into a girl who makes his life a living hell for cheating.

 

I am sorry to hear you have lost your dance partner. I know of a girl like you...she actually hit the Salsa bars by herself after her bf had a baby with a 16 year old!

I miss the things I did with my ex. I play golf and am looking on the bright side...I could always drive a ball further than him even though he is 6' 3". I used to hit it light just so I wouldnt make him feel bad.....now I can drive the ball as far as I want!!!

 

Keep doing good things and God will reward you.