Angry with a friend

[Irishwoman]

Amy and I have been friends for about a year now. We met through a meetup group and she got me interested in another group. Events are about once a week and we both go. A few weeks ago I met a guy there that I am interested in. I didn't say anything initially but she asked about it one night when he was paying extra attention to me. So I told her that I was interested but i wasn't sure I even wanted to date anyone right now. I asked her not to tell anyone and that I just wanted to get to know him better and see where it went. She started doing things that got he and I talking at these events (we are both on the shy side so it was helpful and subtle) At one point I told her that I though the guys friend might have picked up on something either from me or the guy I am interested in him. At the last event she was trying to get the two of us together and said something to his friend about them having friends that were interested in each other. His response was to tell her no, he's seeing someone. I am somewhat disappointed that he is seeing someone (not to mention about confused by the way he acted towards me) but mostly I am pissed at her. I specifically said that I did not want her to do anything like that. I could have gone on the way were going for a long time. Now I am going to feel awkward going to the events. I don't want to not go to them because I enjoy them and I don't want anyone to think that the fact that he is seeing someone bothers me. I have not told her that I am pissed. I was so tired the next day that I wasn't sure what I was feeling and when we talked all I really said was that I wished the friend did not know.

I don't know if I should tell her or not. She has been a really good friend but she's a bit weird about some things (based on what she has told me about some of her past friendships) and I am not sure what her reaction would be if she knew how angry I am right now.

[Kitkat973]

Hmm. It doesn't sound like something that she did maliciously, and you'd accepted her help in the situation before that.

 

You said that you could've continued like that for a long time, but knowing that he is involved with someone bothers you. I think that if you'd become closer over time assuming he was single, this revelation just would've hurt more.

[Blue Skittles]

I think you are overthinking this. Don't let it bother you so much! I don't think you should feel embarassed about it and you SHOULD definitely continue going to the group. Just be yourself and be confident in YOU!

 

As for your friend, what she did was definitely out of line especially since you asked her not to. I would talk to her about it. Don't say you are pissed off at her, just tell her what she did was inappropriate, and that you prefer to get to know guys on your own, not in a situation where you are being "set up". If you make it clear to her that you hate "set ups" then I'm sure she will learn.

[catfeeder]

Three people can keep a secret if two are dead. You learned that this particular friend isn't secret keeping material, so now you know not to tell her any secrets. She can't go back and un-do anything, so leave it alone and just don't set yourself up to sweat any further indiscretions from her.

 

As for socializing with the group, go and enjoy yourself. There's zero to be embarrassed about, as there is no shame in finding another human being appealing. Wouldn't you prefer to be open and generous and responsive to charming people than to be a frowning misanthrope who finds something 'wrong' with everyone?

 

You learned a valuable lesson about keeping your own confidences, so now you get to go play. EnjOy.

[Irishwoman]

Yes Blue Skittles i always over think things. Sometimes it really hard to turn if off. Cat Feeder I laughed outloud when I read the first line of your response. I am planning to go to the next event and having fun. I just hope my thinking doesn't get in the way.

 

I don't trust a lot of people so I told my friend multiple times not to say anything to anyone about how I felt. I have definatly learned my lesson.