Girlfriend says im too shy, need help!!!!

[Pfcmitchell1987]

For Context 24 and this girl is 21. Im very outgoing and an extrovert but only when im very comfortable. The girl im about to talk about is a bit on the shy side.

 

Alright ive been seeing this girl for about a month. And the first few weeks we talked for hours and hours and had so much to talk about. But lately ive been coming to a roadblock in my head. I struggle to find topics to talk about and I freeze or if Im talking I ramble on trying to avoid an awkward silence. She is sociable but its when were on the phone, then I just cant get past the mindblock. Sometimes i can get past it sometimes I cant. We talk everyday on the phone about our days and other stuff. Ive even googled conversational topics and well, weve talked about em all.

 

This girl is a perfect 10, Shes the person ive been looking for and we want the same things in life. A great match. However she did point out that she can tell im nervous around her and that im very shy and she likes confidence. First few dates I oozed confidence, but after that it was more just the conversational blackouts on my part that made me more shy. And she can tell.

 

I need as much advice as possible on this. I really dont want to lose her. In my opinion i dont think its more topics for conversation i need, its the nervousness thats blocking me from opening up my mind to be able to talk to her more at ease. Physical intamacy-wise im not nervous, im bold in that department. Its more the social part. So far shes crazy about me, I dont want that to change. So im here to ask your help forum! Thanks

[Kitkat973]

It can help to have something specific that you're doing together and letting conversation flow from that, instead of just talking.

[Pfcmitchell1987]

Problem lies in picking out a topic to talk about. When one topic ends then in my head im saying "oh crap i need something to say! I cant think of anything!" and in my head all i can see is like a black wall if that makes any sense. Where my mind goes absolutely blank. I try to drag the topics for as long as I can but then i start to ramble. My main deal is how can i get past this nervousness. and Even if im nervous, is there a way I can fake the confidence even when being nervous.

 

Ok for example on our 2nd date i took her to the beach. We talked for about 3 hours. then i went to the truck, played I cross my heart by george strait. Asked her to dance then kissed her. Like i said, in the beginning i oozed confidence but now im going in the opposite direction. How do i get passed these nerves.

 

Oh and btw, Nerves are not normal for me. Usually im extremely confident but this one is different.

[Stay_home]

You definitely want to try to work on your social game because a relationships is not all about physical intimacy. You don't have to be a motor mouth but if you learn to ask more questions, question her about things that interest her and get together and do activities that will make you communicate. It'll get you a lot more comfortable with socializing with her.

[listed]

Perhaps you don't have enough in common with her? Obviously you want to be with her anyway and who am I to judge, but you should probably do more to figure out what interests you share or at least ask her about the the things she's interested in.

[metrogirl]

is she not making an effort to carry the conversation? If I see that my partner or whoever is stumped or lagging in conversation for whatever reason, I will get the conversation going in a different direction. It doesn't have to fall all on you.

[SunWorshipper]

I freeze or if Im talking I ramble on trying to avoid an awkward silence

 

- nothing wrong with rambling and awkward silences.. this is perfectly normal + you sound so sweet..!

 

This girl is a perfect 10

 

- perhaps she sees herself as perfect, so is too quick to criticise? For example: its early days and she could be a little more generous about the fact that it's normal to be nervous? Pointing this fact out will only exacerbate your nervousness..! so I dont really understand why she did that or felt the need to do that..

 

- perhaps you may also be putting her on a pedestal by calling her perfect - whatever way that might be to you and

 

- maybe, because she is aware you think she is perfect in some or all ways, she doesn't feel the need to do her bit and help you out in the "awkward" silences, after all there are two of you in these conversations! Its not all up to you to save her from the awkward, (embarrassing?) moments. Its not fair to have that expectation of the other person, especially as awkward silences due to nerves is sooo normal.

 

she can tell im nervous around her and that im very shy and she likes confidence

 

- if she can tell, then that's even more reason to have compassion and boost your confidence by helping you out in those moments during conversation.. again, the onus isn't all on you to rescue her from any potential embarassment; and saing she likes confidence in a guy is something you think not say to a man sat in front of you, I think.. because by saying that, it's like a put-down that you're not good enough! I think if she really likes you, she wouldn't pick fault and say things that make you feel even more self-conscious ..it comes accross as if you just dont have enough in common and she is looking for a get out. That might change and improve, but it takes time to get to know somebody and if you don't feel comfortable - and not just because of the usual date nerves - perhaps she is not that perfect and not perfect for you.. you should think about what you want and not just about pleasing her, as that seems to be the road you're heading down. I know it might be hard to let go, but its better to be genuinely happy than feeling you don't quite measure up for a girl - because then you will always be chasing her for acceptance and maybe even approval and that won't be an equal relationship and cetainly won't be any fun in the end..!

 

Whether your shyness really came out later or not, she must have known you were putting on a bit of a brave face and now you're all vulnerable it's as if it's now all your fault for trying to impress her!?? That's not fair on you..

[penelope13]

So she is shy herself, but expects you to overcome yours? - This is the 21st century, I strongly believe in balanced relationships, i.e. both partners are equally responsible to make the relationship work. She can't expect something that she is not able to deliver herself IMHO.

 

Why not make this a challenge for both of you together to overcome your shyness equally?