peaceOfmind78 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Anyone ever feel brushed off when you send text messages to your friend/s and they don't respond to your text, but you see their postings on Facebook from their smart phones? How does that make you feel? I'm sure I'm not alone on this. So I recently confronted one of my friends, just to ask if she's mad at me because lately I've been feeling strange...then, she replied asking why do I feel that way. I'm about to respond: Mmm....maybe I just feel a bit distant lately, which I totally understand because you were busy with wedding. My neediness is coming out. Sorry. When can I come over for dinner again? I promise to cook this time. Heehee I'll be in the area this Thursday night if you want to do something. Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I don't think that reply will help. Be honest with her about your feelings, instead of putting yourself down. Link to comment
peaceOfmind78 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 hi, Kitkat973. I took your advice and was honest with her...here's my reply: Alright, my friend. I think I can trust my gut feelings here and be honest with you...Since last week, after july 7th, I feel like you have been distant...i guess not replying to my txts much when you have always been, and no longer posting on my facebook wall anymore (which I miss like crazy! HAHAH). You know, I don't have much friends to connect with (if you haven't noticed), but with you, I feel like I can be myself, share everything, make mistakes, learn from mistakes, and still be friends. I hope you can tell me what I really did, if there's anything to piss you off. I know for sure that I didn't take off with Hansolo when we got together at the bar (though when he asked how Victor and I were doing, I did tell him about what happened and that I was TRULY crushed about the whole situation. That was a BIG mistake letting him know...it made me regret sharing because when he made a comment about chicken and waffles on my wall in reply to your post, I couldn't stand it and couldn't believe that he would butt in to our conversation (which he rarely does) and make the comment. It made me mad so I finally deleted it). I'm also sorry if I missed your call to invite me to lunch and not replied to your text ASAP to let me know that you bought me something. This was all last week. I hope you realize that YOU are one of those rare people that someone meets in their lifetime. You are just different and SO TRUE, and one of a kind. That's one of the things I like about you. So....strike me when you're ready to talk. You know where i'll be this week. I REALLY would hate myself FOREVER to lose a friend like you. I'm just down right being honest. No stupid * * * * . peaceofmind78 PS: Good friends are hard to find, that's why I hope we can keep our friendship STRONGER like no other and make each other grow better. If you are giving up on me, then I'll be stronger for us. You know where I live, where I work. Take good care. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I have felt that way a lot lately. I have two very close friends that I usually turn to when things are really rough and I will reach out to one and leave her a message on facebook or a text and it will go unanswered yet I see her all over facebook talking to others. So naturally I think that maybe the stuff I am going through is too heavy for her or maybe she just isn't interested in talking to me about it. I don't know..... About a week after I sent her a message I was talking to my other good friend (we are very close, the three of us) and I was telling him how I felt hurt that she just sort of brushed me off when I needed a shoulder and several days later she finally responded via text saying she didn't want to smother me that she knows I am going through something difficult. It felt very contrived and almost out of guilt. I can't explain it. I'm finding it easier to just stick to myself which is kinda sad because if I can't talk to my best friends about what's going on and I have to keep it bottled in, I'm only going to end up cracking. Link to comment
peaceOfmind78 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Hi metrogirl, I agree with you. It is easier to stick to ourselves which is not too bad if you think about it...haha. The only person we have to please is ourselves. Do you have siblings? I have a sister who might use a little sunshine from me because she has given up on friends...what she has now is me, the only sibling by her side. It can be suffocating not having friends sometimes and that's why I try to do some activities that might help me just focus and make myself cherish this time of being by myself...not getting emotionally attached to anybody, which I felt like how I was with the friend I wrote the email to. It's tough, but I'll live. Maybe it's better to be by ourselves than having to deal with someone else. Besides, thank god for technology and that we are able to vent here; otherwise, we'd definitely bottle everything in. Let's stay strong! HAHHAHAHAH Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Looking at your reply, I think that some of it could be taken as passive-aggressive. Link to comment
peaceOfmind78 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 i got too attached! >_ she said she doesn't understand where all these emotions are coming from...so idk. i feel like a fool =\ Link to comment
skeeter99 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 i got too attached! >_ she said she doesn't understand where all these emotions are coming from...so idk. i feel like a fool =\ Aww, I know how you feel and I too have had to deal with this. Perhaps you shouldn't have gone on so long about your feelings. (Maybe just ask "I've noticed you've been distant. Are you ok?") I know it's too late, but don't beat yourself up! For now, just give her a lot of space. I understand why you did write it though because you felt hurt and wanted some type of explanation. I've learned this myself. Most friends do get busy or are dealing with things/issues at the moment and sometimes they don't like to talk about it. All you can do at that point is say "Hey if you need to talk, I'm here for you" and just leave it at that. Also, friends like having friends that are independent and aren't too clingy. So again, like I mentioned, just give her space and keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy. Perhaps seek out other friends and hang out with them to keep your mind occupied and not so focused on her. Link to comment
peaceOfmind78 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Skeeter99, sooo glad not to be alone with this! OMG. HAHA. I wish we can meet up for coffee/tea! Anyhow, I agree with you-- will give her A LOT of space. ALL the space that she wants. I will resist posting comments on her fb posts, sending her emails, and what not. This feeling sucks, but I guess that's just how other people are. I thought I know who my neighbor was. Still brokenhearted =\ Link to comment
peaceOfmind78 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I never thought this would affect me too much =( I've been crying for half-hour... I think this is a combination of being hormonal and missing having friends. I actually had dinner with other set of friends tonight and it helped me take my mind off her. I sound ridiculous. I'm straight and yet I'm feeling this way towards a female friend. I've never felt this way since I was 9. Yup. I remember asking my bestfriend to stay or I would keep her for as long as I could. Until one day, I asked her to stay so we can play some more while I pretend to get something from my parents room when all I wanted to do was take a nap, which I did. I had a point to this but now I'm just too tired to finish my story. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 No, I don't have any siblings. Sadly my family consists of just my mother, my four grown children, and my five grandchildren. That's it. So for me because my children are grown and usually doing their own thing, my daughter has her own family now I tend to rely more on my friends as a sounding board and sadly one of them seems not to care too much at the moment and now I am finding myself ignoring the other friends calls because I don't want to have to explain to him how everything is affecting me and how bad I really feel. Yes thank goodness for this place because it does help just to let a little steam off here. Hugs to you, hope you are feeling better. Link to comment
skeeter99 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Skeeter99, sooo glad not to be alone with this! OMG. HAHA. I wish we can meet up for coffee/tea! Anyhow, I agree with you-- will give her A LOT of space. ALL the space that she wants. I will resist posting comments on her fb posts, sending her emails, and what not. This feeling sucks, but I guess that's just how other people are. I thought I know who my neighbor was. Still brokenhearted =\ Why thanks, I'll take that as a compliment. Continue to resist contacting her as much as possible. She'll probably appreciate it too. And try not to overwhelm her with your emotions because she is probably having her own issues and to have to deal with another person's emotions can be quite exhausting. I'm not saying to not be yourself, but there are some people who are more emotional and sensitive and there are others who are less so. Again, I've learned this and I've actually been both types of people. I was more the not-so-sensitive type but have become more sensitive to improve my relationships with friends/family. Anyways, after a period of time, she will probably contact you to see how you are. If you two truly had a connection then I think she will reach out for you.....but just give her some time. It's very, very hard but that's all you can do. You certainly can't keep contacting her to make her talk to you, because that will push her away even more. Good luck! Link to comment
skeeter99 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I never thought this would affect me too much =( I've been crying for half-hour... I think this is a combination of being hormonal and missing having friends. I actually had dinner with other set of friends tonight and it helped me take my mind off her. QUOTE] Keep going out with other friends. Life is too short to dwell on it. Find things that make you happy and keep busy. Link to comment
peaceOfmind78 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Thank you. I am trying to find other things that make me happy, even if it's temporary. I might go and see a movie by myself. Go shopping by myself. Etcetera. Etcetera. Link to comment
peaceOfmind78 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 I think she posted-drunk on my FB wall...she's still not sending me text messages tho. Ah well...people come and go i guess. Hrrmm... Link to comment
skeeter99 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I think she posted-drunk on my FB wall...she's still not sending me text messages tho. Ah well...people come and go i guess. Hrrmm... Yes, people do come and go. And the good ones will stay and be positive influences in your life. They will love you for who you are, will care for you, and support you. Keep your chin up. Things happen for a reason. I'm sure you will find some new friends. Try to be a strong and independent woman, don't rely on others to make you happy. Be open to meeting new people and try not to let past experiences with friends effect you in a negative way. Learn from it and be a good person and friend. I've also learned to be a good listener and to not be too intense with friends. Just let them be and don't be too clingy. Link to comment
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