Saw my ex, confused, now what ?

[Amsterdam01]

I've been absent from the the forum for about a month or so..

 

In that time I have been in communication with my ex, mainly through IM and text... She has a BF and has been with him for about 5 months or so now.

 

Last week we agreed to meet up after about a month or so of daily communication over IM and text.

 

She stopped by my place and we had a good relaxing conversation ~ I told her that I wanted to be with her and let her know that I believed we were still a good match for the long term, meaning marriage. She told me she could picture it, but is dating someone now and does not want to "choose" between two people.

 

As we said good bye, she hugged me, but then kissed me, and we kissed for a while, then she left....

 

Last week I talked to her on IM after all this and things were fine, although she could not give me direction on what she felt. I know she spends the weekends with her BF, etc....

 

I would have normally signed on this morning to IM, but I am trying to avoid her at the moment because I feel as though she is playing me for a fool, esp after she did not contact me all weekend and rarely contacts me in the evenings.

 

So here is my question : Should I stay in communication with her even though it is not fulfilling at the moment? NC pushed her away, when we started communicating again, things started to progress, even though it's confusing... I feel like I am making some ground on getting her back.

 

My gut tells me to go silent - just curious what you guys think?

 

Thanks!

[magnoliatree]

Leave her be. She has a boyfriend and, honestly, making out with you while she has commitments doesn't really bode well for her character. NC!

[DN]

Most people would consider kissing an ex cheating on the current boyfriend.

[donpeel83]

Leave her be. She has a boyfriend and, honestly, making out with you while she has commitments doesn't really bode well for her character. NC!

 

Couldnt agree more. She possibly likes the fact she has two guys who want her. Having her cake and eatting as they say. She is using for emotional support because maybe she dosent get it from her bf. Your being played. Do yourself a massive favour and stop delaying the inevitable. Join the rest of us on the path of recovery, go NC and cut her from your life.

[donpeel83]

Most people would consider kissing an ex cheating on the current boyfriend.

 

I would consider kissing anyone who isnt your partner as cheating.

[Amsterdam01]

Ok, thank you for the replies - it's very challenging to stay NC because I have such strong feelings for her.. and believe that we were meant to end up together.

But I know you guys are right and realize that she cheated on her man with me.... which, completely surprised me and through my head for a loop..

thanks....

[donpeel83]

Hey its understanable your finding it hard, so many of us are in the same boat. Its going to sound strange but i find posting about my heartbreak on this website is almost like being at school, in that we are all in the same class and we are all striving for the same results - getting over our ex and healing. It just so happens that you get the guys at the top of the class, who are getting there quicker and doing all the right things, and some of us are at the bottom of class and its taking longer for us. Ultimatley though we will all get the same results and pass the class.

 

Back to you for a second, I fear if you keep in contact with your ex things might escalate and you may end being sexual with her again, but at that point there would be no guranmtee she would come back to you. Plus she will be feeding off your wants and desires (to be with her) to satisfy her own agenda (as previously mentioned to get an ego boost and use you as her emotional outlet). Im asuming from your tone that you are the dumpee and because of this its even more important that you remove that from her and stick to No Contact and really block her out.

[Amsterdam01]

Yeah, she left me back in January - got with this new dude in Feb/March. We didn't start talking again until May/June... And here we are in July. I like that analogy about school and that we all heal at our own pace. I guess more then anything, it's about discipline and the more I (or anyone else) revisit the situation, the longer it will take to get over and heal.

 

I agree with you about the potential of it escalating and then getting nothing out of besides a sexual encounter.. I think that would really throw me for a loop~ Ok, I am going to work on NC again for the 100 time! ha, I (we'll) get there....

 

Thanks again,

[LostKat]

She is definitely using you for emotional support. She gets it from her new bf at night and on the weekends but the other times, she can get it from you and she knows it. Don't make this new guy's job any easier. And making out with you while with this new guy speaks volumes about her character. What's to say she wouldn't do that to you if you got back together again? I know it's hard to let it go. You want something from her. Anything. Even if it is a friendly and silly text but you may not fully heal and move on if you keep it up.