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Religion/Culture difference


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At the end of April this year I met a great guy absolutely so lovely, we clicked immediately and he approached me. He is british born Indian/Sikh and I am white/British - although he thought I looked Italian or Arabic.


We have been spending time getting to know each other and have been initimate. As I have lots of Asian friends I know of the problems that can arise from interacial and religious/caste differences, so I secretly harboured these worries, until one day he asked me a strange question, he said 'if I had to choose between my boyfriend or my family who would I choose and it meant that if I chose the boyfriend my family would disown me.'


From that I knew there was a problem and asked if it was to do with him, he said it was one of his mates, a few weeks later I addressed it again, because I didn't want to get involved if it meant we would never be able to be together. Turns out he was with a white british girl from Spanish decent for 8.5 years!! and his parents didn't even know. He says he loves her but she ended it because he wouldn't commit and his parents met her on the day she told him it was over. He now says he is at a 'cross roads' as to what to do about this. He said no one would ever replace her and he believes you only love once.....so at this point I was so hurt inside because I thought hang on why are you with me if you love someone else. I even asked him this, he said what do you expect me to do sit in and not meet people. I told him he needs to get over his ex before he starts seeing other people as otherwise people will get hurt.


I basically tried to blow him off (even though its not what i want) and told him theres no point in us being together as 1. his parents wouldn't accept me either if they didn't with her 2. he still loves his ex.


He is still adamant that he wants to see me and spent 3 hours pursuing me.


I guess I am just wanting to see what anyone else thinks of this scenario? whether I should just see him and hope for the best? would it be a waste of time? why does he still want to see me?


Thanks any advice would be greatly appreciated x

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I'd cut this one off. Your feelings for him right now are "half and half"... I mean, don't you want to meet that guy that you fall head over heels for and he the same for you? He's out there somewhere! It sounds to me like this guy is seeing you to pass the time but I dont' think he is any any way ready to make a commitment to another woman.

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I mean he says he loves her but if he did so much then why not commit and stand up to his parents and fight for their relationship. He is always saying that he doesn't listen to his parents and does what he wants but why lose her and then see me, especially if he knows his parents wouldn't accept any other religion its crazy.. why does he approach me and want to see me if he cant ever be with me and still loves his ex I just don't understand, then when I try and blow him off he pursues me for 3 hours saying its not pointless if we see each other etc etc

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I would not bother to understand the whys and where fors. He said he is in love with someone else. He is just cruising to enjoy a relationship but he does not mean for it to go anywhere. If you want a relationship to go somewhere than it is time to leave this one.

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I would not bother to understand the whys and where fors.


This. I think women tend to over analyse these kind of situations. It doesn't really matter why. The reality is that he has himself said he is in love with someone else, and that there will be a huge family problem. You're worth a bit more than that, I think.

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I have even told him this and that's what i'm looking for, that I don't want a fling and a relationship that's going somewhere . . . . still he pursues me!


Well, then he's not treating you very well, I think, because it means he doesn't respect what you are telling him.

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You have told him what your long term expectations are, he has told you what his are. If you don't like what he is offering - then get out of the relationship. You don't have to wait for him to make that decision for you. You are capable to make choices for yourself.


yes, he could make the decision for you, but why should he from his point of view: he clearly stated that he doesn't see you as marriage material, yet you continue to stay with him. For him it's sufficient currently to have somebody in the presence. He is not thinking about long term/ future. Since he likes you for the presence, he pursues you.


if you don't like it, just break up with him. You are able to look out for yourself. Don't rely on him to do that for you.

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