Ex txt, did I handle it right?

[mat347]

Thanks for the reply, you are right but I have never really chased her or begged. When we broke up I didn't even really freak out that much, of course I cried some and she cried alot and then she broke down again the day I was moving out and told me if she saw me again that day she would break down again. I have always maintained the strong/happy around her, even my friends mentioned at their party (about a month after BU) I was awesome and did really well. I've only seen and talked to her in person twice since the breakup (three and a half months) and I was solid both times.

 

I was NC for three weeks and she contacted me, I'm going NC to continue to move on. But of course she is always in the back of my head.

[charlieyost]

I told my ex to stop contacting me if she cares. Cos the breadcrumbs she been throwing at me isn't helping me heal. It hurts to tell her that but I guess its for the best.

 

NC! If she contacts us positively, good for us. If she doesn't, we are alr on our way to healing

[endy]

Ok guys Tresqua gave good advice above, but here's the thing. YOU can ACT like that all you want. People pick up on what other people are feeling deeply. It's something we all have inside of us. It's what attracts the person back to us. When you're longing for someone or wanting to get them back that badly it's sending off a negative vibe. Trust me it gets to the ex. Every time I've seen an ex go back you know when it happens? When the other person stops the longing, stops the needing and constantly wanting and starts getting on with their life. That's the point you want to get to. It's the law of attraction. Some people believe in it and some people don't. I personally do.

 

It's not cooincidence to me that usually ex's come back after you've started to move on and are over it all. That's why I stress healing and getting over it completely before making contact. All else just causes more hardship in reconciliation.

[tresqua]

I read the following quote by the Op..

 

Thanks for the reply, you are right but I have never really chased her or begged. .. I have always maintained the strong/happy around her, even my friends mentioned at their party (about a month after BU) I was awesome and did really well. I've only seen and talked to her in person twice since the breakup

 

And I said to myself, wow I must be on the wrong thread. So I went back through it, luckily it's only 3 pages, and I realized I was on the right thread. Here's a few select quotes.

 

 

Well I went against some of your advice and txted her back asking how shes been. She responded with "Pretty good I guess. Hanging in there. Sometimes life gets lonely "

 

You're contacting her too often. You seem to think (as per your quote above) that contact "only counts when it's in person".

 

Well I'm going to throw myself to the wolves here but maybe it will help somebody in the future.

 

So after the original txting and her saying shes doing ok, hanging in there, life gets lonely I said "ice cream helps with that, what day works for you?" we went back and forth

 

Matt there's more to being strong and independent and not chasing then just "not begging and not showing emotion".

 

You ARE chasing this woman and you ARE letting her call all the shots and it's obvious to me, and everyone else who is giving you advice on this thread that you are allowing her to treat you like a doormat. You title this thread "did I handle it right?", you get some excellent advice from several great posters that you admit you disregarded because you were too weak to maintain the required self discipline and you STILL think you've fooled her into thinking you're strong and that you're not chasing her.

 

She's not fooled Matt, and no you are NOT handling this well.

 

I suggest you reread the thread and really take the time and effort to understand what we're trying to tell you.

[mat347]

tresqua,

 

Yup your right, I was chasing by asking her how she's been and then trying to set up a meetup. I will stick to my NC and heal, I can't magically go back and fix what I did wrong when we were together.

[endy]

He's not trying to be negative either, like I said above. You need to be in the right mental state first. Put it this way... if someone that you did not know right now was broken... would you want to be with them? Same goes here with her. That's like me right now. I'm still broken, and although I'm coming through there's still too much baggage right now for me to even think about being with someone else. Get to a point where you don't have that anymore. Then drop her a how's it going? Get that book for sure too. It's going to help you A LOT.

 

Do not look or feel bad about this. You are learning from it and growing from it. Don't beat yourself up from it at all. Just drop the plan and close the door until you're healed and you've moved on bud. Seriously a lot of people don't understand that and sometimes you get someone that wants to beat people on the forums up over this advice. You gotta look out for you first always.

 

You can't magically fix it and go back. You need to leave the past in the past and start focusing on right now. Take it day by day, and the universe will take care of the rest. Seriously if you're meant to be together again, once the longing and wanting stops. The universe will find a way to make it happen. If not, you'll be happy with someone else again. I've been through it a few times in life.

[mat347]

I'm not taking negative at all, I'm thankful for you guys. I have learned alot from this relationship and will use it for better in the next one.

 

Next time I'm in Detroit Endy I'll buy you beer or pop.