Ex txt, did I handle it right?

[mat347]

So a quick backstory. Together three years, broken up for three months, LC at first, met up once to get somethings. Meet up went good, she told me to contact her when I get back from a trip and we should take our dog to a park.

 

After coming back I contacted her, tried to set up the park meet up. She rescheduled and then on the rescheduled day she tried to reschedule again but we talked about just grabbing a drink. She said she would call me after she got out of work to let me know, she never called or contacted. I went NC since then (about three weeks ago)

 

Past couple of days I had a feeling she was going to contact me.

 

Got a txt yesterday from her saying "Was thinking of you. Just wanted to say hi"

 

I wasnt sure if I should respond, a couple of friends said don't respond. I ended up responding a couple hours later with just "Hi"

 

Then she responded right away (when I would txt her during LC it took a long time for her to respond). She asked "How have you been?"

 

I responded with "I've been good"

 

 

And that's it, nothing else from her. Should I have asked how shes been, etc? Do I reach out to her sometime if she doesnt reach out to me again?

[Snowy]

Nope.

 

You absolutely did fine.

[mat347]

Her txt kinda ticked me off. Saying "I was thinking about you". She was thinking about one time in months? I think about her all the time.

[Snowy]

Don't worry. Just pretend she didn't send you anything.

 

Keep moving with your life mate.

[mat347]

Thanks!

 

I wish I could have said something to show how I've been improving myself but I also didn't want to say to much.

 

We shall see what happens..

[magnoliatree]

You did well, don't worry!

[hopelessincan]

Her txt kinda ticked me off. Saying "I was thinking about you". She was thinking about one time in months? I think about her all the time.

 

I would bet anything she was thinking about you more than one time. She just wasnt going to tell you. Either because is trying to convince herself she doesnt want to think about you or for fear of giving you hope. No one knows what they are thinking.

[mat347]

I would bet anything she was thinking about you more than one time. She just wasnt going to tell you. Either because is trying to convince herself she doesnt want to think about you or for fear of giving you hope. No one knows what they are thinking.

 

Yeah now I think so also, after the breakup in a email she said she wasn't sure if she made the right decision. And had told mutual friends she still has feelings for me and she's confused, etc. Thats why I tried to follow up on her suggestion to met up and go to a park but then after getting shot down twice and stood up I went NC. Like you said, who knows what she is thinking...

[boyblue]

Don't take part in the mind games they play it only validates what she is doing and will make her do it more. Go total NC and only respond when she is begging on her knees and wanting to meet you and talk about reconcilliation. Anything is else is just crumbs. You are also being her emotional crutch by talking to her after you have broken up, she will think you are cool with it and will always be waiting for her on the back burner - DON'T!

 

BB

[mat347]

Yeah this sucks, I have been fighting the idea of txting her back and asking her how she's been. I think she still has feelings and actually misses me and I think I would be ok with it going either way. Easier said than done. I want to be nonchalance but also don't want her to think I hate her.

[tresqua]

She broke up with you, right? You requested that you both go NC, is that also correct?

 

If so by her contacting you by sending you a meaningless text is insensitive, disrespectful, and a sure sign that she's thinking of no one but herself, and here you are all worked up wondering if you did the right thing and what this all might mean. Your story is just another testimonial to the selfish mind of the dumper.

[mat347]

She broke up with me but I never requested NC. After the day we had plans to meet up and go to the park with our dog and she said she would "Let me know" about meeting up that night and she never called or txted I didn't contact her after that, which was about three weeks ago I think.

[Oneironaut]

She may have reached out to you because she was genuinely missing you, but that doesn't necessarily mean she wants to get back together. It's normal for people to want to get in touch with someone they still find comfortable and familiar. It's not necessarily selfish, unless you did request NC, which you did not.

 

However, since she never responded back after your last text, it's a pretty good indication that she's not interested in much more than touching base with you, to see how you're doing. I would reconsider future contact like this, since it's only going to string you along.

[mat347]

Well I went against some of your advice and txted her back asking how shes been. She responded with "Pretty good I guess. Hanging in there. Sometimes life gets lonely "

[endy]

Well I went against some of your advice and txted her back asking how shes been. She responded with "Pretty good I guess. Hanging in there. Sometimes life gets lonely "

 

 

That text should speak volumes. Do not even respond to it. Sometimes life gets lonely is a crumb. Shes texting you because she feels alone. She made that damn bed now let her lay in it. You can just say sorry to hear you're feeling lonely hope it goes away, take care... Or don't respond at all. Do NOT say anything about you missing her, being lonely etc. Not at all.

[LostKat]

Well I went against some of your advice and txted her back asking how shes been. She responded with "Pretty good I guess. Hanging in there. Sometimes life gets lonely "

 

I agree with endy, her response is a bread crumb. Be strong and don't fall for it. She is looking for attention and validation. If you do respond, don't even mention it. Maybe respond by changing topics and mentioning something positive that is going on in your life.

[mat347]

Well I'm going to throw myself to the wolves here but maybe it will help somebody in the future.

 

So after the original txting and her saying shes doing ok, hanging in there, life gets lonely I said "ice cream helps with that, what day works for you?" we went back and forth and decided to try last thursday after the parade she was going to be in, thursday rolls around and I txt her saying "We are still on for tonight right?" She comes back with "We may have to push it back a day, my mom wants me to go out after the parade". I said "I cant tomorrow (friday) but maybe saturday" She said "Ok we'll figure it out".

 

So Saturday comes and I txt her saying "Hey lets figure out a time to hang out"

 

She comes back with "Ok, I can't tonight because my friends bday party. So tomorrow (Sunday) or like tuesday night"

 

I said "tomorrow may work, playing tennis in the early afternoon but after I should be free"

 

She said "ok, Give me a holler when your done with tennis" and I didnt say anything else.

 

The next day (Sunday) before tennis even she txted me "I'm going out to taste of tremont today so I'll give you a holler when I'm back this way"

 

I said "Cool what time do you have in mind? Just trying to figure it out because I'm going mountain biking in the evening"

 

And here comes her game she has been playing, no response, no phone call, nothing.

 

So of course that made me mad/sad.

 

Then this morning she txted me "Sorry I didn't get home till 8, I figured you were biking" So you can't take 2 minutes out of your busy life and txt back?

 

I haven't responded and I'm not going to respond. Thats the second time we were suppose to do something and she never called or txted like she said, something always "comes up". But when she is feeling lonely she txts me.

 

I should have listened to you guys. Ohh well, back on the NC bus.

[endy]

What you did showed her that you were still available and open to seeing her. You want them to be the one wanting and missing you. You'll be fine. A minor setback you'll move on from it. Don't worry about it, it's in the past. Just move on and forget about her. Best thing you can do for you. If she comes back after you'll have options.

[banal]

That text should speak volumes. Do not even respond to it. Sometimes life gets lonely is a crumb. Shes texting you because she feels alone. She made that damn bed now let her lay in it. You can just say sorry to hear you're feeling lonely hope it goes away, take care... Or don't respond at all. Do NOT say anything about you missing her, being lonely etc. Not at all.

 

Yup, this is good advice. She threw you away OP and you shouldn't be on-call for when she feels lonely. F that.

[mat347]

Thanks guys/gals. I do want to respond to the txt today when she said "Sorry I didn't get home until 8 and I figured you were biking". I want to say "yeah I was, let me know if you want to reschedule for tomorrow"

 

But I guess if she really did want to hang out she would offer that without me saying anything.

[Nick Lansing]

Thanks guys/gals. I do want to respond to the txt today when she said "Sorry I didn't get home until 8 and I figured you were biking". I want to say "yeah I was, let me know if you want to reschedule for tomorrow"

 

But I guess if she really did want to hang out she would offer that without me saying anything.

 

I wouldn't respond. What she did seems fairly disrespectful, not to mention avoidant

.

[mat347]

Yeah it is disrespectful, especially since it was the second time she did it.

 

As you all know its just hard having someone who you have dated for three years, lived with for one, etc. act like this towards you. Especially when you see what went wrong in the relationship and you want a chance to prove you understand and want to fix it.

[endy]

Don't respond you're being overly needy man. You're chasing and chasing.. not having any boundaries. Show her that it's not acceptable to play games and stop initiating contact. Show her you're not going to play games. Let her know that you don't NEED her. You want her to need you. Don't be pissed don't be anything. That's it. You want to be a man that doesn't NEED someone else because you're that big strong man a woman wants. Not someone that keeps chasing. Let her initiate contact first. Wait however long you need to for it to happen.

 

If you haven't yet read being the strong man a woman wants.

[mat347]

Thanks Endy, she did initiate contact this time but looks like it was just bread crumbs. I'll check that book out, thanks.

[tresqua]

Yeah it is disrespectful, especially since it was the second time she did it.

 

As you all know its just hard having someone who you have dated for three years, lived with for one, etc. act like this towards you. Especially when you see what went wrong in the relationship and you want a chance to prove you understand and want to fix it.

 

You are making the same mistake so many dumpees do. You're so into her, and so fearful at losing her that you are grabbing at straws and you have come to the unshakeable conclusion that "you know where you messed up, you know what you have to do to fix it, you're willing to do what it takes to fix it, and once she sees that everything will be great".

 

The truth is, if she was THAT into you, she'd accept the good AND the bad and she'd be willing to work on it.

 

She's not, because it's not just about the things you didn't do "right". It's about the changes in the way she feels about you. And all the chasing you're doing, the way you are allowing yourself to be treated by her, is paradoxically driving her even further away from you with each interaction you have.

 

You can read the book that endy suggested, if you have the patience and the concentration for it. But if not, let me sum it up for you in a few sentences.

 

Women are evolutionarily and biologically geared towards being attracted towards the strong, independent, protective male types. They are NOT attracted to weak, clingy, needy, dependent guys that act like their whole world is shattered because their girlfriend left them and they would do anything to get her back, oh if only she would give them just one more chance!

 

That's all you need to know in order to act accordingly. If you still don't get it, do the following: Stop chasing her, stop allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat, and at least "act" like it doesn't bother you all that much that she's leaving you because you have a life outside of your relationship.