Honestly would rather die.

[Kathinoz]

And it's not because I do nothing else - I'm educated, I'm at university improving my skills, I work, I have children - and once upon a time I was content with being single but you know what? I'm not content with it anymore.

 

I have tried to meet nice decent guys but nothing comes from it. I just said goodbye to a guy I really liked tonight because he's so unreliable, would make a plan then not confirm or follow through - he has done this more times than I care to write about and I can't be bothered being his puppet anymore.

 

I don't want to keep doing it, keep feeling the pain, the disappointment. If I don't date I hurt, if I do date it hurts. Always painful. I'm just so tired being alone. I'd rather just be done with life completely than keep living without someone special in my life.

[Snowy]

There are PLENTY of fish in the sea.

 

You have no idea how many good single men are out there.

 

Don't ever give up.

[elcie]

I'm educated, I'm at university improving my skills, I work, I have children........

 

It's hard to see it now......but there are positives in your life, and it's hard for you to see that when you are investing your happiness in the prospect of a future partner. All through our lives, there will always be things that we are not happy about....the thing is to appreciate what we DO have!

 

Sometimes, when you are in that dark place, it's hard to believe that things will ever change.....believe me, they can and they do. The answer is not in someone else....it's in yourself. And if you can find the strength within yourself, you will never be dependent on someone else for your happiness.

 

I wish you all the best

[Leftright]

Sometimes, you just have to take this time to reflect on the things that make you happy. It's hard out there for a lot of us, but there is always hope. Enjoy your single time, and engage yourself in whatever makes you happy. There are more pros than cons to living the single life.

 

-LR

[Capricorn3]

I'm educated, I'm at university improving my skills, I work, I have children -

 

I'd rather just be done with life completely than keep living without someone special in my life.

So, you'd rather be done with life and give up on your children just because you don't have a MAN in your life? Your children aren't special enough for you?

Relying on others to make you happy will NEVER make you happy. It has to come from within.

 

Learn to appreciate what you DO have! You DO have someone special in your life - your children. Count your blessing and see what's in front of you.

[metrogirl]

Really, you would rather die because you don't have a man than to stick around and watch your children grow?

 

Why do you feel you simply can't go on without a man?

[Kathinoz]

It's not that I'd rather die because I don't have a man in my life, I'm just not feeling loved, from anywhere...

 

It's all got too complicated, too difficult. If we are all looking for fundamentally the same thing - why is it so hard to find? I"ve always appreciated what I do have, I'm not a material person but want for nothing in my life, except maybe the love and affection from another adult and someone to share my deepest thoughts and dreams with.

 

And I know I have my kid (teens now) they need me but not as much as they used to. I wouldn't do anything "silly", I know how important I am to them as they don't really have anyone else but me. I've spent many years providing for my kids and making sure they are cared for correctly. Now they go out and I'm left alone with the cats.

 

I'm just feeling very, very, extremely unwanted and unloved. I feel that expressing how I feel is a waste of time too. Oh and I have seen the doctor and have anti-depressants.

[Snuggly]

I know that feeling. You just want someone to smile when you tell them about your day, hug you, their eyes brighten with desire when they see you, snuggle you in bed at night. Its not like your kids. Its a partner.

 

While it is hard when you keep getting disappointed. But you KNOW they are out there somewhere. Try asking your friends if they know any nice guys you could meet. Join an outdoor adventuring club or something. You will find him, when you least expect it *hug*

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I know plenty of married people and people in relationships who also feel very unloved and unappreciated by their partner. Many relationships these days just don't go the distance. You can have the connection and the love for a few years and then something changes and the relationship falls apart. There are a lot of divorced men and women out there who thought they met their life partner. Many of these divorced men and women end up running from one relationship to the next trying to recapture the feeling of being loved but the relationships keep falling apart. If you make relationships your reason for being happy, then you are not putting your happiness in the hands of something reliable. The only reliable person is yourself..you need to be content with your life even if you don't have everything you want.

[Kathinoz]

I have been reflecting on when I felt happier, about what I was doing at that time and who I spent time with. It wasn't the people I spent time with at all, It was the fact that I was extremely busy, I was working by day, dancing and exercising by night, always doing something and never sitting still. I was actively dating and enjoying life to the fullest. I did have a person I saw regularly but not in a relationship way - my life was balanced. I realise I have no balance at the moment. I don't work much (because of uni) and spend more time doing assignments than being social.

 

I have asked people I know if they know guys who are single and want to hang out but most don't. Most of my friends are married or have live in partners. They don't socialise much outside of their own relationships.

 

The guy I text last night is in Facebook chat ( I haven't deleted him off my friends list) but doesn't ever talk to me. It wouldn't bother me so much if he did speak - bothers me more that anytime we do speak he always talks about next time we catch up etc knowing full well we probably won't anytime soon. He makes me cranky and sad at the same time.

 

I'm not content with my life at the moment but reflecting on past happiness is helping me find a way to remedy this.

[Kathinoz]

And because I don't work as much as I used to, I don't have the same amount of disposable income which reduces what I can do. I've even had to give up my car and start taking public transport because I cannot afford the car anymore. So as you can read, I have more than the love issue going on.

 

I do want someone to come home to. My kids are wonderful, very loving affectionate kids who think the world of me. I get nothing but good reports from others about my kids which makes me feel great. They can show me all the love in the world but that will never take the place of an close personal, intimate relationship with another adult. Theres just some things I cannot discuss with my kids even though they are teens.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There are a lot of people who don't have a close personal intimate relationship with another adult..even those who are married. I noticed that when you described a point in which you were happiest, although you mentioned all the things you were doing, dating seemed to be in there as well. In other words, it sounds like throughout your life, no matter what you were up to, dating and having a man around, even just casual, was always part of your life. Maybe that is why you are dwelling on that aspect of your life. However, I would think that reduced mobility (due to lack of a car), reduced finances, pressure of school and how your life has changed because of it is the real crux of the matter. If you had a guy, you would still have reduced finances, still have no car, still have the pressure of school etc. In other words, nothing would really change for you personally. A guy will not suddenly make all your life changes disappear.

[Kathinoz]

Yeah you're right in some aspects. I haven't always had a guy around, there are times when I was happy without a guy that I can reflect on too. I spoke about the most recent time I can remember.

 

I do fully understand that in order for me to be happy I need to address other things in my life before trying to have a relationship, otherwise the other issues will become even bigger issues I guess thats why I'm feel very helpless at the moment because addressing the other issues is not going to be easy but I am making steps in the right directions. I have started looking for a job I can do that will be less pressure than my present one, will be useful just while I'm studying. The car issue will not be fixed for at least six or so months but that is okay because I am blessed enough to have two friends who will help me out if needed - not that I depend on them at all - I just know they are there for me.

 

I think it's more a lack of emotional support, this never really affected me before but I think also, now my kids are teenagers, everything impacts harder.

[please.delete.thi]

Hi there. When you have the time, please read my post: . It might help you. Good luck!

[Behappynow]

Hi, I totally know where your coming from... things are ok with your life, your content with yourself as a person, you are happy with your chosen work or study, etc etc.

 

BUT you have been alone for a good while now, maybe with a few trial short relationships in between, and at the end of the day you would just like to have a special someone to come home too, chat with, sloth with, plan a getaway with, heck! even have a disagreement with.

 

It's not about "needing" someone to "complete" u, cause by yourself u are complete... it's just about having an internal desire for the extras that a healthy relationship can bestow on your life that you can never have being single nor with a mutual friend.

 

Have I sort of understood where u are coming from?

[Kathinoz]

YES! Thank you Behappynow! You hit the nail on the head (so to speak). I have been pondering my own questions and the answers as well and spoke to some uni friends about it. We concluded that yes it is okay to be alone but ultimately most people wish to have someone special in their life. I just want someone I can be myself with - and all the things you spoke about.

 

Don't know why it seems too much for the universe to grant me