Huge, huge setback

[20pence]

So i've been in NC for just over a month now. Really thought I was doing so well.

 

I got a message from my ex just now, regarding gym payments (i owe him money for my gym account thing) and a festival we were meant to be going to in August. We've gone together every year for the last 4 years and we'd bought the tickets before we broke up:

 

hey hows it going? Would you please be able to put that money into my account? its £90 for this month and the rest of last month. I'm also probably not gonna be going to the festival, as I really need the money, so if you want my ticket i can sell it to you for cheaper, just let me know!

 

I'm just sat at work shaking now, I need to cry. I think i'm upset by the fact that, before I went NC, he told me he wanted to be friends & still really wanted to go to the festival together, as usual. I guess all that was a lie or something. Also, i think a part of me was holding out for seeing him in August.

 

Horrible how one message can make you feel so rubbish. I miss him.

 

G x

[tresqua]

See here's the thing.. you were expecting to stay friends because he suggested it, you thought you were going to go to the festival because that's what he said, in fact part of you was expecting to continue to do things with him, maybe you were even waiting for a message from him that suggested he wanted to reconcile, even though part of you was starting to accept that it was over. So you get this message and it's not really about a friendship or a festival, it's about finality and that's what you need to move on. So it hurts, a lot, but you needed to hear that so that part of you that is sort of waiting around can finally let it go. The healing will be faster now. Whether or not he lied when he said those things or whether he really thought the two of you could stay friends isn't really significant. He did you a favor because if you continued a friendship, if you went to the festival, well THAT would have been a lie of sorts and it would have worked against you when it came to emotionally getting over him.

[Snowy]

Take this as your cue for letting go completely.

 

He obviously is no longer interested in you and therefore the only option you have is to move on.

 

No staying friends with him, no going to festivals anymore. Time to move on.

[hello678]

Its much easier when you have nothing to do with them fullstop.

 

Never see them, never hear from them etc.

[20pence]

Tresqua: You are spot on. Thank you so much for your post. It's definitely about finality - I really, naively had this idea that after a few months of NC, a cooling off period, etc...he might miss me. We would meet for the festival, have a great time & see where things went from there. Now that's not happening I'm definitely just sad because this break up is 100% final now.

 

Snowy: Exactly, thank you - this is absolutely my cue to just move on now, no more secretly hoping. You're so right.

 

Mtom12: I really hope so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for your post

 

G x

[Silverbirch]

Hi 20, I won't give advice, but just want to say that I know how you feel. I'm going through something very similar right now. I'm hurting badly too, but I'm also telling myself to trust in the universe. None of us can know how things will work out, but I'm going to just try and focus on my own life, getting it all together and beocming the person I'm meant to be. Hugs.

[cole-kenneth61]

I think you should still go especially if it's field day...? line up is amazing. screw him, find a friend and go have fun.

 

I would use this as an opportunity to FULLY let go and move on, just sold tickets to end of the road that i was meant to be heading to with ex in september...was initially sad, but on the plus said ive got some money now...would have gone but none of my friends fancied going. also ive moved back from uni to home now having finished masters and thrown out every last thing that reminds me of the ex, sold dvds we watched together etc...saying that i have kept a couple of bits and packed them away in a box in the attic for the time being til im healed and forgotten about them anyway. seems to be working very well

 

its cool to miss him...may feel like a set back, but you are getting better every day even if it doesn't seem like it on the surface at the moment!