My first dream of "her and the other"...

[6yeardumped]

So, 3:45 AM I wake up and realise that I just had a dream of one of her roomates telling me she had gone out with "the other"...

 

Panic attack, jumped out of bed, went to the balcony, smoked a cig, came back to bed, turned on the lights, still couldnt sleep...

 

Took a pill, and read 2 chapters of "Louise Hay - You can heal your life" and after that I just got the sentence "I approve myself" stuck in my head, over and over and over again...

 

Finally made it back to sleep in 20/25 mins... Still coming in and out of sleep until 7 AM, but everytime I felt coming awake, I just thought "I approve myself, I approve myself, I approve myself, I approve myself, I approve myself..."...Until it was morning and time to go to work...

 

Can this dream mean that my brain is finally accepting the end of this relationship?

[Snowy]

Don't try to dig something from the dream too much. The fact that you have posted this thread tells me maybe you still care.

 

Just let it go. The more you think about it, the more difficult it is to detach yourself from those thoughts.

[6yeardumped]

Don't try to dig something from the dream too much. The fact that you have posted this thread tells me maybe you still care.

 

Just let it go. The more you think about it, the more difficult it is to detach yourself from those thoughts.

 

Yes, I am doing that right now, reading the "Nonchalance is your friend thread", as well as Heal your life...All this reading is helping me to disconnect. I am letting go... I need to keep my mind busy with other stuff as well.

 

Thanks!

[Snowy]

Yes, I am doing that right now, reading the "Nonchalance is your friend thread", as well as Heal your life...All this reading is helping me to disconnect. I am letting go... I need to keep my mind busy with other stuff as well.

 

Thanks!

 

No worries.

 

Also, when you keep yourself busy, don't get into the mindset that you're keeping yourself busy just to heal from the break up. You are keeping yourself busy because your life is interesting and good. Time is not to be wasted thinking about the past.

 

good luck man

 

life is good

[lalalollipops]

Not sure when you broke up with her, but if your username actually meant that you were with her for 6 years, it's going to take quite awhile to let go and accept things. It can't just happen that quickly, and do try not to be too hard on yourself for yearning or rehashing things from the past. I used to dream about my ex all the time. It got to a point where I didn't want to sleep cos I just didn't want to dream.

 

I read that book too! Haha it was on a day where I was feeling really upset bc I stumbled accross sth I shouldn't have seen. That book is good, it made me calm.

[6yeardumped]

Not sure when you broke up with her, but if your username actually meant that you were with her for 6 years, it's going to take quite awhile to let go and accept things. It can't just happen that quickly, and do try not to be too hard on yourself for yearning or rehashing things from the past. I used to dream about my ex all the time. It got to a point where I didn't want to sleep cos I just didn't want to dream.

 

I read that book too! Haha it was on a day where I was feeling really upset bc I stumbled accross sth I shouldn't have seen. That book is good, it made me calm.

 

She broke up with me, a 6 years of relationship, last 20 months LDR... I came back to her country 3 weeks after the BU to surprise her and get back with her, and she told me that same day that she had hooked up with a coworker....a month later (last week), I opened up completely to her, and after I made some pressure, she confessed to having hooked up with that guy again after my return... I went NC 9 days ago and will keep it that way...

 

Despite saying to me 9 days ago that she was confused, lost and did not know what to do with her life (while crying desperately), it looks like she has already moved on, so I need to do the same now... NC, therapy and keep myself busy...trying to turn my life around 180º, mainly in my attitude towards others... (trying the nonchalance thing)...I am doing NC for me, but if she ever "clears up her confusion", I would be willing to talk extensively and try to sort everything out, maybe giving it another chance...BUT that is not my main goal...Right now I just want to heal and move on with my life!

 

I just came from therapy, and my therapist told me that my exgf has already unloaded all her anger on me (anger due to her frustration of LDR), since in our last meeting she yelled at me while sobbing saying that she "was very angry because I didnt ask for the transfer" any earlier within my company, back to her country. My therapist suggested that I should meet with her or send her a letter and unload my anger as well, saying to her that she never communicated with me about her frustration of our LDR, and that she let the other guy get into her head and heart long before she decided to BU...that she was unfaithful at least in her head...

 

I kindof disagree with my therapist, cos I am healing, and I dont want any setbacks. If I meet her and just unload all my anger on her, I will be going back to day 0 of healing...I dont want that. I am unloading my anger on paper, and sometimes shouting with some very good friends and family (they understand my situation, and I apologize sincerely afterwards). I dont want to unload my anger on her cos that would not only set me back, but also * * * * up any reconciliation possibilities in the long-term future (which I am not expecting nowadays) and it would mean that our soft BU (no fighting at all), would turn into a very nasty BU...I rather let her go with love, than with hate...

 

Any opinions on this last part?

[dabbledave]

... it would mean that our soft BU (no fighting at all), would turn into a very nasty BU...I rather let her go with love, than with hate...

 

Any opinions on this last part?

 

Respect. I wish mine ended like that. But I was too shocked and angry about the news to act in any way dignified.

 

I still have a chance. I have to pick up my suitcase from her place before I return to my country. I need to write my "goodbye speech" ... not really a speech ! Basically I want to leave her with a positive memory; a smile, a joke, a hug, and a goodbye peck on the cheek or forehead or both.

 

(And then let myself cry my eyes out on the way to the airport knowing I will never talk to her again until either I'm totally healed or she is serious about getting back together.)

[6yeardumped]

Respect. I wish mine ended like that. But I was too shocked and angry about the news to act in any way dignified.

 

I was shocked also in our first meeting after BU, but I never displayed any anger, bc she had her very valid reasons for choosing to BU (20 months LDR). I have always kept my head high during this BU, all my friends tell me that I did everything the right way... When she told me she was angry with me last time we met I actually told her that I had also been angry with a lot of things, but since the BU I have been learning to forgive and let go of the anger, towards others and myself. And I suggested that she should do the same...(in a very calm and polite manner).

 

(And then let myself cry my eyes out on the way to the airport knowing I will never talk to her again until either I'm totally healed or she is serious about getting back together.)

 

That is something that we (dumpees) must avoid thinking about. Healing or reconciliation is not a destiny, its a journey. If you look into it as a goal, they might take longer to achieve. Just "enjoy" the ride of life, work on yourself both phisically and mentally during this post-BU period and make the best of your time now to learn about life, yourself and others....

[BrandonFhu]

After the first few days, I had a truly realistic dream she had sex with her friend. It was very detailed. I felt terrible. Then a few nights later I had a dream of making love to her and it was so real, I was holding her face and it was all I ever wanted. Amazing.