Wife cheated

[Doubting]

I found out my wife had cheated on me 7 months ago. I had come accross damning documentation. When confronted, she broke down and admitted everything. She blamed being influenced by others and promised it would never happen again. Well, I have kept a watchful eye on our relationship ever since and to date, it would seem she is keeping her word. My problem; short term counseling, and her taking on the supportive wife role as though nothing happened is disturbing. She has broken our trusting relationship. When the issue is brought up, she starts to cry and tells me it's to depressing and will runaway if brought up again. So, my choices are, play my role of the perfect couple as we are known for or confront and bring on a divorce! Not sure what to do ?

[DN]

Both of you need to sort this out - you nand her need to know why she cheated before you can have any confidence that she won't cheat again. Being influenced by others is not a reason.

[metrogirl]

Influenced by who? I doubt she was forced to cheat at gunpoint.

[Carus]

I agree with DN...There would be a deeper underlying reason for it...

 

When it hapened to me I was willing to work through it....

 

...unfortunately, she wasn't

 

Here are a couple of sites that deal with this kind of thing:

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I wish you all the best with what you decide.

Carus* 8-)

[blackhawks1287]

Not a reason and a cop out for the REAL REASON.

 

She may have gone to her friends to confide some issues she internally was having, and those friends probably only justified them.

 

It was your wife and your wife alone that is the culprit, and there was a reason for it.

[guynextdoor]

I think you need to find out why she cheated on you and what steps she is going to take to regain your trust. Neither of you can pretend nothing happened. Her breaking down each time you want to address it is lame..

[Mustachio]

Everyone has given you some good advice on here. But ignoring what she did is a surefire way to ruin your relationship. She needs to work on building your trust back up, and you need to make sure your needs are being met. As long as you dont turn it into a situation where you call her on it for everything. All I know is that ignoring it wont make it go away.

[thekid55]

She cheated because she wasn't getting what she needs from you emotionally. Evaluate yourself for a second. Have you stopped being affectionate towards her? Do you show her enough attention? Have things become too routine?

 

Normally, women cheat because a man has stopped being a man. He has no boundaries, isn't affectionate enough, and she can get away with whatever she wants. Just look at Hollywood couples. Why do these gorgeous women date/marry these ugly, bad boys? They are satisified emotinally first, which leads to a physical connection, etc. Her cheating was a way for her to feel things that you haven't been giving her. It's not like this is some fling. You are married and she cheated. By staying around, you are once again showing her that you have no backbone. You are rewarding her by staying around.

[lalalollipops]

Thekid55. I'm sorry but I have to object to what you're saying. Cheaters cheat for all sorts of reasons, and saying it's the OP fault that she cheated is just sad. People go through alot of things in a relationship, and some people learn to stick it out and COMMUNICATE the problems, instead of running off and betraying their spouses trust.

She could have told him she was having problems with whatever, they could have discussed it... Hell she could have gotten a divorce.

But no. She made some lame excuse, bursts into tears when questioned---- OP. I really recommend a divorce. Trust is destroyed. No trust, no relationship.

[AutumnBorn]

You need Al Turtle. I think he could fix any relationship. Here's the link to his site (best relationship site on the web):

 

link removed

[DN]

Thekid55. I'm sorry but I have to object to what you're saying. Cheaters cheat for all sorts of reasons, and saying it's the OP fault that she cheated is just sad. People go through alot of things in a relationship, and some people learn to stick it out and COMMUNICATE the problems, instead of running off and betraying their spouses trust.

She could have told him she was having problems with whatever, they could have discussed it... Hell she could have gotten a divorce.

But no. She made some lame excuse, bursts into tears when questioned---- OP. I really recommend a divorce. Trust is destroyed. No trust, no relationship.

I agree with this. Blaming the person whi is cheated on isn't very fair.

[Carus]

I agree too...

 

A 'breakup' involves two people....but the fact that someone cheats, and the internal issues that person has thats leads them to do it, lies 100% with the cheater*

 

Ever Forward

Carus* 8-)