Help me win her back?

[jetlitheone]

Anyways, I've been in relationships and I do not stay in them if I honestly feel that they don't care or if I don't care about her.

 

We've broken up before, she's done some messed up things I got really mad and such but I forgave her.

I've done some things and she's been really mad and made me work my ass off but she forgave me. (I'm much more forgiving, sadly.)

 

 

Anyways, we got in a fight cause she parties too much and such and I don't like that because she drinks way too much and I care so I tell her she shouldn't go that often. This time she wanted to go to a party while I was with her and I didn't want to go so I stayed at her house and she went, she came home much later then she told me so I flipped and said I wanted to end this but like instantly I changed my mind cause I'm not hard headed and I don't play mind games (like she does clearly)

 

Anyways she told me she wanted to slow it down, I agreed.

 

Two days after I called her and we spoke but it was awkward cause she was expecting me to slow down instantly which is like impossible.

 

I told her idk if I could do this and stuff and it was awkward.

We got in a pointless fight.

She ended it, I tried calling her for a few days she kept telling me no no no never gonna happen (But i've heard her say the same exact things before and sooner or later she can't lie to herself and loves me too much)

 

we got in a fight a few days ago i called her harsh names, 2 days after I called her and she said I could of had a chance but not anymore after those words ( again, I've heard all that before. And people don't change ~)

 

I told her I didn't mean it and blah blah spoke to her and stuff

 

She's like no matter what you do and even if I start liking you again, I will make myself not date you (That makes no sense)

then she perceded to say she doubts that she will forgive me then I called her out on that and she realize that slipped out and was like NO this isn't a challenge I won't forgive you. (I've heard that before)

 

Anyways I know you guys may be thinking she is a horrible girl, she really isnt and is being this way because the way I've acted earlier and such.

 

I've always been there for her and haven't given her that chance to really miss me.

 

What should I do, I honestly think I can get her back, I see right through her so to speak.

 

No contact?

 

By the way please do not say it isn't worth it. It is, she used to take me out on dates and such and spoil me, buy ME things. She clearly loved me.

 

PS: She checks my twitter and Facebook, and points out girls that I am talking to.

and she also told me to move on and get a girl so that can help her move on.

 

She's great at reverse psychology. Sadly.

[TwelveThirty]

Take it easy. If you can see right through her, then maybe we would agree that this is going very quickly out of control. I can understand that you want her, but not that you summon her. Those words that you have formulated are those of a command, and if you love her, then respecting her distance is indeed not optional. As well as being respectful anytime and at all times that you speak with her.

 

My judment may be harsh, but you can't control people the same way you can't control life. What you can do is control yourself in order to have the power to influence your environment. So you can start empowering yourself instead of manipulating others. Delete her from facebook, erase your souvenirs of her, and then stay in silence. Contemplate your emptyness and then start wondering: what do you really miss of her. Try to focus on replacing those things, then if you can't, it's either that you've failed, or that those things are irreplaceable. Try again if you've failed, but if you realize those irreplaceable things are still gone, then start looking again for her. Big time. As much as you think she's worth it.

[Ms Darcy]

Anyways I know you guys may be thinking she is a horrible girl, she really isnt and is being this way cause the way I've acted earlier and such.

 

I don't think she's horrible. I think you were controlling of her, rushed her, flipped at her, and pushed her away from what you describe.

[thekid55]

Want to win her back?

 

There's no 100% way to get her back, but if you do these three things, you increase your odds.

 

1. Get in better shape.

2. Pick up new hobbies, make your life more exciting

3. Date other women, let her see you with other women (This is the most important one; jealousy is a HUGE)

 

It's not 100% guaranteed, but it worked for me and many others.

[jetlitheone]

So anyways I spoke to her last night, and I told her everything. Not only the things I did wrong but why the relationship wasn't working. I said some things that I was ashamed of too but I guess it kind of worked, she stopped shooting me down and got kind of emotional and had to let me go. She's in the confused state, I called her again this morning and mentioned it a little and she said she couldn't talk, I just called to make sure she wasn't just in a good mood last night and want shooting me down cause she didn't want to. But I can tell she's in the confused state, cause I've been through this with her before. How do I go about building attraction and getting her to see me again without any type of pressure? (I've lost some if my 'game' so to speak)

[TwelveThirty]

Please delete.

[jetlitheone]

Anyways, I've got her to tell me she would think about it. She's not the type to give false hope. But I know when it comes to her persistence pays off. So I'm gonna leave it alone for a few days.I've been calling her everyday so now it's time to leave it in her hands.

[thekid55]

Her telling you that she'd 'think about it' is just a way to let you down. Gives you false hope and allows her to move away from you easier. Doesn't make her a bad person, she just doesn't want to deal with you. I've done the same exact thing. It sucks at the time, but start casually dating other girls and see what happens. You need this for yourself.

[jetlitheone]

Yeah I talked to her today. She still cares and gave me an honest opinion. She's not attracted to me as of now(I call everyday and beg well nearly) she gave me a hint and said to stop calling cause it's leaning towards a no more and more with each call. I think she wants it to work she just wants that attraction and spark back. So I'm gonna flirt around for a couple or three weeks then text her then. She'll be a lot more susceptible to listening to what I have to say and she might text me first since its gonna hit her hard. Going from talking everyday for months straight to nothing at all. It's in the hands of time now.

[Wildcars]

Just remember hey, she might do the same to you, flirt, date, and maybe even sleep with other men..

 

You need to be prepared, your mind set needs to be right.. There's nothing you can do in the mean time to get her back, only thing is time..

 

DO NOT CONTACT her for at least a month, force yourself, because this will show her that you are starting to move on! you got nothing to loose!

 

Good luck..

[jetlitheone]

Last night I called her since she had a bad night at a party. I was there for her. She texted me this morning asking if I can call later I said yeah. And later my aunt told me she was talking about me at the party. I call her and bring it up. She took it as me yelling at her an yet again I could have gotten her back "but no chance anymore" (2nd time she said that this week)cause I was pretty much trying to stick up for myself. Shes being ridiculous and playing games and * * * * . I said you're gonna regret this. She's like "let me!" then I hung up. I can pretty much know for a fact she will text me once she sees I'm seriously this close to being done.

[thekid55]

Last night I called her since she had a bad night at a party. I was there for her. She texted me this morning asking if I can call later I said yeah. And later my aunt told me she was talking about me at the party. I call her and bring it up. She took it as me yelling at her an yet again I could have gotten her back "but no chance anymore" (2nd time she said that this week)cause I was pretty much trying to stick up for myself. Shes being ridiculous and playing games and * * * * . I said you're gonna regret this. She's like "let me!" then I hung up. I can pretty much know for a fact she will text me once she sees I'm seriously this close to being done.

 

You keeping digging yourself a bigger hole, but that's ok. You need to remember women are emotional creatures who express their feelings as of that very moment. Her saying that 'she's done forever', it her just acting off her current angry emotions.

 

I was in your spot before and the best thing you can do is not contact her. Doesn't matter what happens. If she needs someone to talk to, she has her friends. You aren't together so you don't owe her anything. If she doesn't see that she can potentially lose you, she'll never value you again. You just need to completely fall off the face of the earth. No texting. No calling. No taking her calls. You don't have to mean, just don't be freaking lap dog. Have a life. Be busy. Do new things. Go out with friends. Give her a dose of life without you.

 

No woman is attracted to an emotional, pathetic man. Women want a strong man that is going to stand up for himself. A man that they KNOW they can't push around. Women don't want to lead. They want to be LED. They want someone who is going to protect and be strong. Not act like a little puppy.

 

I was in your spot before. After about a month of acting like a freaking doormat, I stopped and she started to contact me around the holidays. SOmetimes I reponded, sometimes I ignored because I was genuinely busy. We didn't talk for five months, dated other people. I had a new life, new friends, new activities, I stopped thinking about her. Hell I was in another relationship and look who came crawling back. I wasn't totally into the new chick, but she was DESPERATE to have me back. She knew I changed and she changed as well. Our relationship is way better than its ever been because we had that time apart.

 

Grab your cajones and leave this chick alone. You'll thank me in six months if you follow my advice.

[tresqua]

we got in a fight a few days ago i called her harsh names, 2 days after I called her and she said I could of had a chance but not anymore after those words ( again, I've heard all that before. And people don't change ~)

 

If a person never left another person because they said they loved them and people don't change, well we'd all be in one relationship our entire lives. Obviously feelings do change, even if the person themself doesn't really change all that much and you seem to be incorrectly convinced (deluded) that she will never leave you even though she's obviously been pulling back at least since you broke up with her, changed your mind, and then called her all sorts of horrible names.

 

She's like no matter what you do and even if I start liking you again, I will make myself not date you (That makes no sense)

then she perceded to say she doubts that she will forgive me then I called her out on that and she realize that slipped out and was like NO this isn't a challenge

 

I can picture how that conversation went. Her trying to explain why she wants space and maybe not be with you anymore, you hinging on every single word she says and when the word "doubt" came up you pounced all over it and said "SEE YOU SAID YOU DOUBT IT YOU ARENT REALLY SURE!". Wow you caught her in a moment of doubt. You won that battle but unfortunately you lost the war. If you need further clarification feel free to post.

 

Anyways I know you guys may be thinking she is a horrible girl, she really isnt and is being this way because the way I've acted earlier and such.

 

I was thinking that you really don't know what other people are thinking and in fact I was thinking that she is being this way because of how you've acted, and I give her credit for staying with you and putting up with your crap for as long as she has.

 

What should I do, I honestly think I can get her back, I see right through her so to speak.

 

If you see right through her so to speak, the answers should be right there, why are you asking for advice from neutral third parties if you have her all figured out?

 

she used to take me out on dates and such and spoil me, buy ME things. She clearly loved me.

 

I think you're getting it. Look at the last letter at the end of the word "used" and "loved" in your post I quoted above. Those "d's" on the end mean "past tense".

 

Feelings change.

[jetlitheone]

Well she told me she loves me and wants it to work. And said that if it's meant to be it's meant to be and I guess I have to leave it alone. She said she does want to be with me though but right now she doesn't believe that to be possible because how she feels

[tresqua]

Well she told me she loves me and wants it to work. And said that if it's meant to be it's meant to be and I guess I have to leave it alone. She said she does want to be with me though but right now she doesn't believe that to be possible because how she feels

 

She also said that you have no chance and it's over.

 

You can cherry pick the words you want to hear but what it really comes down to is that you just have to leave her the heck alone and let her figure it out without badgering her.

 

Take the time to figure out where you messed up, I count several things right here in your handful of posts on this thread and I'm sure there are tons more.

 

Write them down if you have to and stick them on the refrigerator so you don't forget. But take them down if she comes over or she's going to lose her appetite.

[jetlitheone]

That sounds good. She has told me it wasn't ever gonna work before. But women act on emotions they feel right now so if she wants it to work she will text me. For now I got to better myself.

[TwelveThirty]

I still want to help you if you agree to stop looking into this relationship and start working on yourself.

[jetlitheone]

I am working on myself, which is helping me with the relationship. It's a win-win. We texted last night a little. She's a very blunt person and told me straight up that my kindness was pretty much fake and that if I could show her I cared without a "...but do you want to give me another chance" afterwards always then we'd be okay. I told her I was just worried about being stuck in the friend zone. She literally said thank you to me for being honest and not trying to use a corny line or whatever to explain it.

[tresqua]

I am working on myself, which is helping me with the relationship. It's a win-win. We texted last night a little. She's a very blunt person and told me straight up that my kindness was pretty much fake and that if I could show her I cared without a "...but do you want to give me another chance" afterwards always then we'd be okay. I told her I was just worried about being stuck in the friend zone. She literally said thank you to me for being honest and not trying to use a corny line or whatever to explain it.

 

She TELLS you that she doesn't want you to keep asking her for reassurances, that she is unwilling to promise you anything and whether or not you may get back together depends on you making some changes.

 

What do you do in response? You freaking ask her for more reassurance by saying you are "worried about being stuck in the friend zone"

 

You just do not get it, you continue to be your own worst enemy. And it's a shame because this is one of those few situations where the person who has been dumped actually has a chance at making a save if they could only see that they continue to make the same mistakes.

[magnoliatree]

If you get back together, she'll still go to parties and go out for drinks. Will your reaction to this change? It sounds like you two are just incompatible.

[turnera]

HOW are you working on yourself?

 

If you want to prove you're really trying to, go to link removed and print out their Love Buster and Emotional Needs questionnaires. Ask her to fill them out; you fill them out, too. Give each other your questionnaires, and take some time alone to just read them and think about how you two have been in your relationship. The LB tells you how you harm your partner; find out how you do and vow to stop doing them! The EN tells you what their most important needs are from their partner - the ENs YOU should be meeting. If you stop your LBs and meet her ENs, you should be able to get back together and stay that way.

[turnera]

And STOP BEGGING HER! There's nothing more unattractive than a begging man.

[Wildcars]

And STOP BEGGING HER! There's nothing more unattractive than a begging man.

 

Bang on!! Maybe you should use non-chalance and not NC! Show her that you are moving on.. And really have that mentality..

[jetlitheone]

She TELLS you that she doesn't want you to keep asking her for reassurances, that she is unwilling to promise you anything and whether or not you may get back together depends on you making some changes.

 

What do you do in response? You freaking ask her for more reassurance by saying you are "worried about being stuck in the friend zone"

 

You just do not get it, you continue to be your own worst enemy. And it's a shame because this is one of those few situations where the person who has been dumped actually has a chance at making a save if they could only see that they continue to make the same mistakes.

So what do I do exactly?

I'm willing to listen.

[turnera]

You do what she says: STOP asking for reassurances, ACCEPT that she won't promise and drop the subject, and ask her what changes she wants you to make.

 

Or, follow my advice, get the questionnaires, and HAND them to her and say "Here. If you fill these out, I will know what I did wrong and I can use the information to target my problems."