exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I need everyone's opinions. Someone sent me a message on Facebook anonymously. I know it's a fake account because it's private and has an obviously fake name. Basically, they said that they think I can do way better than the guy I'm dating, that he's broke, rude, immature and using me for my money. They said that everyone in our grad school class is surprised and embarrased for me that I would go out with him and they all think I can do better. I have no idea what to think but class is going to be very awkward tomorrow. Should I tell him or show him the message? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you give us more information about your relationship? Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 I didn't think he was using me for money. We are in grad school and he is 10 years older than me and is living off of financial aid so he doesn't have much. I live with my parents and I admit my dad is pretty well off and he supports me. My boyfriend gets insecure about that and we have had a few arguments about it. We went on vacation recently and I paid for the hotel but I offered to. He does not like my friends or our classmates and whenever we all hang out together he and I usually end up fighting because he thinks they don't like him... well now its obvious they don't Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Why doesn't he like your friends? Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Metrogirl, he never gave me any specifics. He just says he "has no interest in people like that" and he thinks they judge him for some reason. He has tried to make me choose between them and him and it continues to put a strain on our relationship. He thinks they are jealous of our relationship and that they're trying to break us up... I really don't think that's the case at all though. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Metrogirl, he never gave me any specifics. He just says he "has no interest in people like that" and he thinks they judge him for some reason. He has tried to make me choose between them and him and it continues to put a strain on our relationship. He thinks they are jealous of our relationship and that they're trying to break us up... I really don't think that's the case at all though. Big red flag... Your friends likely care about you and probably dislike him for a very good reason. They didn't just wake up one morning and say "I don't like xxxx's boyfriend". I bet they sense his desire to want to control you, control who you can have for friends etc. Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Big red flag... Your friends likely care about you and probably dislike him for a very good reason. They didn't just wake up one morning and say "I don't like xxxx's boyfriend". I bet they sense his desire to want to control you, control who you can have for friends etc. Wow you think so? Interesting. I wonder why this person didn't come straight out and tell me instead of making a fake account. If it was you, would you tell your boyfriend about the letter? Why or why not? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Wow you think so? Interesting. I wonder why this person didn't come straight out and tell me instead of making a fake account. If it was you, would you tell your boyfriend about the letter? Why or why not? Well let me ask you this.. I'm assuming your friends have already stated to you their reasons for disliking him, how did you respond to them when they talked to you about it? I probably wouldn't tell him about it only because that will solidify his reasons why he doesn't want you to have them as friends. Have you thought about the fact that maybe it wasn't one of your friends that sent it but perhaps a girl from his past that doesn't want you two together? Just a thought. Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well let me ask you this.. I'm assuming your friends have already stated to you their reasons for disliking him, how did you respond to them when they talked to you about it. I probably wouldn't tell him about it only because that will solidify his reasons why he doesn't want you to have them as friends. Have you thought about the fact that maybe it wasn't one of your friends that sent it but perhaps a girl from his past that doesn't want you two together? Just a thought. I know my friends think he's weird. They haven't confronted me about it specifically but they said he just seems immature for someone 10 years older than us. I didn't think they HATED him, just thought he was odd. I think they were first turned off when we all went out and he got extremely drunk, and started acting crazy. He was spilling drinks on people and picking my friends up and whipping them around, giving them bruises etc. He thought he was being funny but it really turned everybody off. It could be anyone who sent it I guess, but I figured it would be someone in our class since this person referred to "everyone" as in our classmates and social circle. He is not living in the same city as any past exes. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I know my friends think he's weird. They haven't confronted me about it specifically but they said he just seems immature for someone 10 years older than us. I didn't think they HATED him, just thought he was odd. I think they were first turned off when we all went out and he got extremely drunk, and started acting crazy. He was spilling drinks on people and picking my friends up and whipping them around, giving them bruises etc. He thought he was being funny but it really turned everybody off. It could be anyone who sent it I guess, but I figured it would be someone in our class since this person referred to "everyone" as in our classmates and social circle. He is not living in the same city as any past exes. Well I could see why they thought he would be odd. What is your relationship with him like? Do you guys get along, do you have violent fights? Is he a ladies man? I'm really just trying to see it from your friends pov although the drunken episode would have turned me off. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I know my friends think he's weird. They haven't confronted me about it specifically but they said he just seems immature for someone 10 years older than us. I didn't think they HATED him, just thought he was odd. I think they were first turned off when we all went out and he got extremely drunk, and started acting crazy. He was spilling drinks on people and picking my friends up and whipping them around, giving them bruises etc. He thought he was being funny but it really turned everybody off. It could be anyone who sent it I guess, but I figured it would be someone in our class since this person referred to "everyone" as in our classmates and social circle. He is not living in the same city as any past exes. I can see why your friends think your boyfriend is immature and weird. You'd have to be pretty much an idiot to get so drunk that you get into people's space and put your hands on them to the point where you give them bruises. You would think that he would want to impress your friends - not assault them. Sorry, but friends and family can see a lot that you can't - they have the clarity that you don't. Did your boyfriend ever apologise for hurting them and spilling drinks on them? Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 interesting im kinda in the same situation like you OP. my friends think my bf is weird and my bf doesnt quite like them cuz he thinks they are judgemental. fact: my friends are well being,highly educated,take good care of themselves and have their pride. my bf earns an average (or maybe a bit below) income and likes girls who show their big boobs and round ass (or you can say he has "cheap" tastes) i choose him cuz of the way he loves me makes me happy but i admit he does do dumb things sometimes and some of them is low-class and makes me angry. my friends are right about him to some extent..so yeah it;s a difficult situation.. Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well I could see why they thought he would be odd. What is your relationship with him like? Do you guys get along, do you have violent fights? Is he a ladies man? I'm really just trying to see it from your friends pov although the drunken episode would have turned me off. It's a very very new relationship. We started casually hanging out a few months ago and I was a little hesitant to be his "official" girlfriend because I knew my friends were a little put off by him. He really wanted me to commit to him, he said he liked me a lot, etc, but that if I didn't publicly acknowledge that we had a relationship then he'd cut off all contact with me. He is funny, interesting and we have good chemistry in bed and I didn't want to lose that without giving him a chance. We have only been "official" for 2 weeks but it seems like suddenly there's all this drama all the time, I don't even know where it comes from. I don't know him well enough yet to say how he is. We are still in the courting stage but we have had fights. He gets upset and does the silent treatment thing. One red flag I guess right before we went official- we were out with classmates and I bought some sliders (mini burgers) for the table. I bought them for everyone but only one person was eating them, this guy I didn't know. My boyfriend got upset and misinterpreted the situation like I bought the sliders just for the guy who was eating them. Then he wanted to leave and when I didn't agree to go with him, he stormed off and sent me a bunch of angry texts. So he is an emotional guy, but not all the time. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Way too much drama for a relationship that has only been going on for 2 weeks. Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Did your boyfriend ever apologise for hurting them and spilling drinks on them? No, he never apologized. He was actually kind of indignant about it and it riled him up. Yeesh.... that's not good, is it.. Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Way too much drama for a relationship that has only been going on for 2 weeks. Ugh I'm totally open to others' opinions. I'm 24 and have only ever had 2 boyfriends. He's 34 and I guess I automatically assume he is older and wiser and this is the way dating is supposed to be. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Sounds like a lot of drama and that he could potentially be emotionally abusive. Your friends are picking up on this vibe, even if you aren't. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Ugh I'm totally open to others' opinions. I'm 24 and have only ever had 2 boyfriends. He's 34 and I guess I automatically assume he is older and wiser and this is the way dating is supposed to be. Nope. Plenty of men who never grow up. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Honestly, if you hadn't stated his age I would have naturally assumed he was 21 if not younger. He's an angry boy trapped in a man's body. You can have sexual chemistry with anyone, so that reason for staying with him is not a good one. Imagine how many non angry men are out there that you can have good chemistry with. It's not going to get any better with him, I'm tell you this right now. We are seeing things about him and none of us have even met him, that has to tell you something. Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Honestly, if you hadn't stated his age I would have naturally assumed he was 21 if not younger. He's an angry boy trapped in a man's body. You can have sexual chemistry with anyone, so that reason for staying with him is not a good one. Imagine how many non angry men are out there that you can have good chemistry with. It's not going to get any better with him, I'm tell you this right now. We are seeing things about him and none of us have even met him, that has to tell you something. Yikes. I guess you're right. This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase and I'm already censoring myself around him to not piss him off now that I think about it. Ughhh I knew this wasn't a good idea. I should have listened to my gut. Even my dad doesn't like him. Link to comment
dramallama Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Yikes. I guess you're right. This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase and I'm already censoring myself around him to not piss him off now that I think about it. Ughhh I knew this wasn't a good idea. I should have listened to my gut. Even my dad doesn't like him. Always go with your intuition. Family and friends usually have your best intentions at heart, and they won't make excuses in their mind, and they can also tell whether you are truly happy and whether you are acting not yourself around them. I'm sure you will be glad that you broke up with him. But please, protect your privacy and delete and block him off facebook if you do (and then change your settings to super duper private), because he sounds a bit controlling and crazy. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Yikes. I guess you're right. This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase and I'm already censoring myself around him to not piss him off now that I think about it. Ughhh I knew this wasn't a good idea. I should have listened to my gut. Even my dad doesn't like him. Does your dad know about his antics or is his dislike based off something else? Did he meet him, was your bf rude to your dad? Link to comment
exes and oh no Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Does your dad know about his antics or is his dislike based off something else? Did he meet him, was your bf rude to your dad? He just doesn't like the way he conducted himself around my dad. And when we arent around my dad, my bf speaks bad of him. Not calling him names or anything, but he is a little disrespectful of him. I think my bf is intimidated, my dad is very prominent in the community and my boyfriend seems to have a vendetta against people who have money or any sort of authority. I don't know why it's such a big deal to him. Anyway, I think my dad senses this disrespect... maybe it's a guy thing. He is also weirded out that a 34 year old man wants to date his 24 yo daughter I guess, I can't blame him for that. He was never outright rude to my dad's face, but he constantly complains that my dad is trying to break us up. He's not trying to break us up, he just doesn't care for him. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 So you are seeing a pattern here I hope. He thinks your friends want to break you up, he thinks your dad wants to break you up and he has a vendetta for people with authority. I can't imagine why. Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.2d93ce2472f26b01a1e185382ba0b64e.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.