Nearbot Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 I've been seeing this guy for about a month. He calls everyday, sees me often, etc. He has an FB with like two friends, and I sent him a friend request, but he never responded to it. He just told me today that it was a fake profile, and he does have another that's hidden. I asked if he was going to be my friend on it, and he said no. Obviously I asked why, and he told me there would be pictures from college and high school that I wouldn't like. Now I'm pretty sure he's not seeing anyone else. He spends weekends with me, has introduced me to family and friends, and rarely gets any texts or calls when we're together (which is always for long periods at a time). He's a bit older than me (not the 45 year old from a previous thread just five years older) but he's in a different stage of life and has had a lot of experiences, so I don't doubt that there will be some things on there that would make me uncomfortable. But I guess it honestly makes me really uneasy that he's hiding a part of his life from me. What do you guys think? Major red flag or should I blow it off? ](*,) Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Put simply, yes. Why does one need a fake profile? His answers sounded like bs. Link to comment
Nearbot Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 I think it was just to start anew, but then he decided not to use it. Everything on the "fake" one is public, and there's really nothing. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Fake profile screams shadiness. Link to comment
Nearbot Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 I guess it's not exactly fake D: Just unused. But he is honest about having a real one. And it's the fact that he's admittedly hiding that one from me that's bothersome. Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Hm. I can get having a dummy profile- if I used facebook more than idly, I'd honestly have one, as I have no interest in being truly open with the rash of family members that have decided to add me. I also think that it's important to respect someone's boundaries. If he's not comfortable with you viewing the photos, then he's not comfortable with it, and that's his choice. With that said, if he's someone who actually uses facebook, his actions would make me uncomfortable if I were in your position. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 You can try to clean it up all you want. He doesn't want to add you. It's shady. Do with that information what you will. Link to comment
Nearbot Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 What should I say? Be my Facebook friend or it's over >: O ? He told me he doesn't use it, promised I can trust him, blahblah. But it is something that's going to linger in my mind. I'm pretty sure he's just hiding his past, not being up to no good at the moment. What do I do? Besides that issue, we're good. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 I wouldnt say shady. Most of the responses have been from only one side of the fence - who choose to ignore the other side of the argument. I am doubtful i would add a girl i was with to my facebook. Why i hear you ask? Because facebook is a relationship killer. And EVERYONE KNOWS IT. Just do a search on this forum for the word facebook, and you will find countless stories how facebook destroyed marriages, sex life, even relationships. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 As in any relationship, keep your eyes open. Facebook doesn't kill relationships. People do. If he's not acting consistently like a bf should, then gather your evidence and move on if you need to. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Wow, that just begs the question, what is in his profile that he doesn't want you to see? This has a screaming red flag because it could mean he already has a GF or wife and is hiding it. Or he has an ex he wants to get back together with who is on that page and is waiting to see if she'll take him back and doesn't want her seeing other girls on his page. Or he's dating a bunch of girls and doesn't want them finding out about each other. He's obviously hiding something, and I wouldn't date someone who so blatantly refused to be-friend you. If he's close enough to you to stick his body parts in you, you certainly should be close enough to see what's on his FB page. If he has embarassing or other things he doesn't want anyone to see, he could just take them down! So he's leaving them there for a reason, and keeping you OUT for a reason too. Link to comment
Nearbot Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 He definitely acts consistenly like a boyfriend. I know he doesn't have another wife or girlfriend. I've spent the night at his place, met a lot of his family including extended. He's extremely affectionate with me in public. But there definitely could be ex's or other girls on his page that he doesn't want me to see. I don't just want to dump him over something that might not be true when everything else seems to be fine. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 As in any relationship, keep your eyes open. Facebook doesn't kill relationships. People do. If he's not acting consistently like a bf should, then gather your evidence and move on if you need to. I disagree. And most of the facebook related posts on this forum are evidence enough. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 If it's not facebook, it's craigslist. If not craigslist then the internet. People can blame mediums for their actions, but the truth is he is choosing not to add her. If he added her, then there would be no question here. It's him and not facebook causing the doubt. Link to comment
superfox Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 I wouldnt say shady. Most of the responses have been from only one side of the fence - who choose to ignore the other side of the argument. I am doubtful i would add a girl i was with to my facebook. Why i hear you ask? Because facebook is a relationship killer. And EVERYONE KNOWS IT. Just do a search on this forum for the word facebook, and you will find countless stories how facebook destroyed marriages, sex life, even relationships. Have to agree here. My bf and I played FB hokey cokey for ages, 'in, out, in, out, shake it all about.' Purely for these reasons. Anyway, FB can be the kiss of death. So on one hand it's not a game your bf is playing but being wise as to the possibilities of what could happen. Maybe his had exes who give him FB Head****s. As for dummy accounts, my best friend has one due to her business friends and real friends getting lumped together, she then set up a new friend account the day her mother joined to avoid 'questions' about her nights out BUT also dummy accounts could be used to suss out potentials from online dating sites, I've heard that used before. If your bf and you met online then I've say it would be this answer. Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Yes. People need to learn what Facebook is and what its real powers are when it comes to communication. People have to learn that it is as emotionless and thoughtless 100% of the time. In the right hands, it can be a very powerful tool. In the wrong hands it can cause irreparable damage. Put it this way - go onto facebook right now and post the following text ''that is it, it is time to end it all''. If you have heaps and heaps of friends - they will automatically assume the worst based on so few words. This is the true power of facebook. And that power must be learned if you plan to use it whilst in a relationship. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 my red flag is if he 'barely uses' facebook, why would there be photos of him from college and high school (basically, 20-30 year old photos??) if his friends posted those, he can always untag himself. i find that a bit suspicious. and why would you care if there are raunchy photos he took '20 years ago?' something isn't adding up here... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 my red flag is if he 'barely uses' facebook, why would there be photos of him from college and high school (basically, 20-30 year old photos??) if his friends posted those, he can always untag himself. i find that a bit suspicious. and why would you care if there are raunchy photos he took '20 years ago?' something isn't adding up here... Exactly! I think we all have pictures from our high school/college days that could be embarrasing however, if they are good enough for his friends and family to see on facebook, why not her? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Nearbot...How long have you been dating him? Link to comment
Nearbot Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 The pictures are from 5 to 8 or 9 years ago, not 20 D: He's 26. I've only been dating him for about a month, and I just moved to this city without really knowing anyone, so. . .yeah, I definitely feel shut out. His birthday is coming up, and he told me to go to his party though, so that might help. Oh, and we did not meet online. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 So this man has two shady Facebook accounts? I would consider him a shady type of person. No time for that stuff anymore. I know some people that have two Facebook accounts, but one is for friends and family & the other for contests. If he has two Facebook accounts and you don't rate one, then someone is rotten. If he's doing anything he is ashamed to show you, he is a loser. Move on. Sorry, but at my age I would never bother with anyone that hides any part of his life from me. Too many creeps out there, so one red flag is enough for me. Link to comment
Nearbot Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well, one only has two friends, and everything on it is completely public. It's obviously unused. The other is hidden, and I have not seen. So just one shady account Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well, one only has two friends, and everything on it is completely public. It's obviously unused. The other is hidden, and I have not seen. So just one shady account One is enough for me. Facebook activity reflects on the personality. If he's hiding that, he'd hiding other things in his life. Link to comment
Nearbot Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 When I whine about it, he just says he doesn't even use it. How do I convey my feelings without sounding silly? Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 If the photos are still embarassing, why even have them visible? I think he's not being honest with you... People who have nothing to hide would certainly be fine adding someone they are dating to their FB. I mean, their FRIENDS are allowed to see them, but not a woman he is dating? It's a simple problem... if he decides he doesn't want to date you, he just de-friends you then, but meanwhile, he is hiding something from you! I'd be very careful there. You are giving too much weight to his 'embarassing pictures' excuse. It just doesn't ring true. Link to comment
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