TOO ROUGH..for me AND HIM!

[Nymeria]

My partner has always needed to be a bit on the rough side to get to him happy point but it seems as if he has gotten so rough that not only does he leave me hurting, he hurts himself! I do not want to tell my partner that he is being too rough. I want advice on how to get him over having to have it super super fast and rough for him to be able to..you know.

 

 

I was wondering if any of the men out there had that problem and how they fixed it? He is super understanding and we've gotten to the point in our relationship where this type of talk is more than okay to have BUT I don't want to spoil it for him I don't want him to constantly be like "is this too much?" I like it rough too just not so much that we can't have sex for like 3 days after that (plus I don't think that is good for my vagina).

 

Also, he only seems to be able to climax when we are standing up and I'm in a certain position. Has that happened to anyone as well? Any advice on how to span his horizons?

[mouseno4]

Patient: Doctor, i hate it when i hit myself here.

 

Doctor: Then dont do it?

[Kitkat973]

I know you've said that you don't want to talk to him, but you need to.

 

If you're going to be having rough sex that could potentially injure you or go past what you're comfortable with, it's important to have an open line of communication- and I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to -have a safeword-. Not only have a safeword- USE IT when you need it.

[Nymeria]

To make a side note. We don't do any bondage style rough sex things nor do he do it with that intention. I think that he wanked off so much he is used to having a lot of pressure but I was wondering if any man out there had that problem and how they overcame it?

[soul_soother]

There was a previous post similar to this one that related to how a male trains themselves for sex. When I was younger masturbation was something I did extremely quick so that I wasn't caught so, whenever I had sex when I wanted to finish I'd have to go ridiculously fast because, that's what my body was used to for so long. So now the girl that I'm with is a virgin and hasn't really done anything so whenever she does something it's difficult for me to even stay hard because it's sooo slow that it doesn't feel good for me. I got into the being rough situation and it was hard to come out of it. My reason of having a difficult time coming out of rough sex is because I liked not only how fast it was but how involved each other was. Where as slow sex always seemed boring because nothing was happening, nothing was going on, and it just seemed plain boring.

 

Fixing it was incredibly difficult but was way worth it in the end. A previous girlfriend I was with we were so rough that I ended up stopping when I had a cut on myself from going so rough. What we did was we starved ourselves from sexual action for about a month. Then when we got active again, we made sure that we were both still actively involved. Spent a lot of time doing oral and new positions we hadn't done prior to make things tighter. I know myself, that I like certain positions on purpose because they make me orgasm stronger vs other ones. Get yourself a Kama Sutra book and try some new stuff that is not ridiculously fast, whether its some tying up or role playing.

 

I hope it helps.

[Kitkat973]

To make a side note. We don't do any bondage style rough sex things nor do he do it with that intention.

 

Safewords aren't only for BDSM. If you're doing something that can get you injured, being able to call a full stop is beneficial to both you and your partner. If he knows that you will speak up about what goes over what you're comfortable with, then you can continue to have rough sex without him feeling constantly worried. It helps establish and maintain boundaries.