Why does this happen?

[joswsieg]

Why does calling/sending letters/texts push the ex away even after extended periods of NC?

[alot2learn]

because your not respecting their need for space!

[DN]

It is usually when they have no interest in getting back together.

[joswsieg]

It is usually when they have no interest in getting back together.

 

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

[Hollyj]

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

 

They've moved on.

 

Why do you keep pushing if they have indicated they want NC?

[DN]

Eaxctly, they have moved on and don't want to get back together.

[Mellie]

I agree with alot2learn (but then, I'm gonna ). There does seem to be this flat refusal that people who dump will ever change their mind (even left to their own devices... ESPECIALLY and probably ONLY left to their own devices, I guess). But, out of the 5 times I've been dumped, this is what happened:

 

#1 - I think we talked once after we split. Saw him years later, drank into the small hours, were friends and the ending was cool.

#2 - pestered, hounded, pleaded, begged (for probably nigh on a month). Nothing. Left him alone for another 4 months. He came back. Invited me out. Reunited. I split up with him.

#3 - VERY acrimonious split. I was gutted. Repeated step #2 above. This time for probably 3 weeks. Nothing. Went NC. Started getting chit chatty emails maybe another 2-4 months later? Asked him to stop contacting me because I had moved on.

#4 - Split up. Repeated step #2 (I've liked step #2 a lot - are you noticing a pattern?). Went no contact for a couple of weeks. He initiated contact. Reunited.

#5 - Split up (same person as #4). Dropped contact asap. He came back, maybe 3 months later. We had a good relationship for over a year til both of our professional lives went down the poop chute (LDR/interfaith relationship too so not the easiest at the best of times).

 

I'm now on dump #6 from the person cited in #4 and #5 above. See, in my lil head it's getting very difficult now to avoid the temptation of thinking "if you leave them be they'll come back". The truth is, nobody knows. I do know, however, that, as I believe Catfeeder once said to me a looooooong time ago, the more you give in to the temptation to stick your fingers in everything, the more of a hash you'll make of it. I'm on my 3rd break up now with the same person and I got to tell you, it's not looking good. But it's only been 5 days since it happened. I know I'll get my head around it. You just have to have faith that with them, or without them, you're here to enjoy your time and there's plenty more adventures to be had. It's a big old world out there.