Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently for him to stay?

[MissKate]

My boyfriend, or I mean ex boyfriend and I are expecting a baby on or around January 5th of next year. I am so happy and at one point he was too. At first I was hesitant on it. I had just started a new job and it was a big step but he told me that he loved me and this is something he wanted. That I was the only person for him and he wanted to be a parent with me. So, after thinking it over... I decided lets keep the baby. Why not? We are in love, we can afford it and every thing is going smooth.

 

Well, throughout our relationship we had split a few times but always worked it out a few days- 2 weeks later. And I thought all of this was past us. We had decided that next month we would look for a bigger place together and I don't know we had so many plans. We recently had a fight, about 4 days ago. It was stupid and it got blown out of proportion. He wanted to go to the casino, I didn't want him blowing all of our extra cash. I only said that because I KNOW when he goes to the casino he spends it all. Sometimes wins and sometimes looses but why risk all of our extra? We had a baby coming and needed a new place after all. He freaked out. Told me I am no longer invited to the family reunion in two weeks, told me he doesn't love me, doesn't care about the baby and as far as hes concerned I ruined his life because he didn't even want to be a parent yet. He told me he didn't hate me but he couldn't stand me. How much of a B**** and h** I am and just really hurtful things. He even told me he wanted a paternity test for the baby. I have never ever been unfaithful. I really haven't. Anyways he moved out of our bedroom and started sleeping on the couch. I didn't beg him to stay in the room. I let him go. The next morning he brought me pancakes in bed and I went off to work. My car had broke down so he offered to lend me his truck until we could fix my car. We weren't back together but we were civil. As soon as I was home from work he came up to me and told me he wanted to talk to his baby. He rubbed and kissed my belly and said sweet things. It hurt me because how could he deny his child and all of this but then love it? I snapped at him and walked away. Later that night he freaked out, telling me all the things he previously said. I finally just packed my stuff and left. I couldn't take the pain anymore.

 

He told me he wants nothing to do with me. He has been texting me since. Not really nice texting me either. There's spurts in there where he is kind but then it seems like he catches it and goes back to being foul to me. He even asked me to come over the other night.

 

My confusion is this... why would he continue talking to me, inviting me over at times etc if he hates me so much? Why speak so fouly about your own child then want your child?

 

I am confused...I always thought if someone was seriously DONE theyd cut communication....nice or mean.

 

Help me.

[Hollyj]

This guy has some serious anger issues. Doesn't sound like he has any self-control. What will happen when the baby comes, not a great example for the kid.

 

It sounds like he has to acknowledge his issues and get some serious counseling. You can't push him into this, he has to want this.

 

If he doesn't get help, you will have a very unstable household and child.

[KatAstrophy1607308539]

Sounds like you're the pregnant one and he's having the hormonal mood-swings! Something is not right with him. If this is his reaction to you objecting to his gambling [and rightly so, you've got a baby on the way and making financial commitments], then he's seriously addicted to it. It's very immature of him to resort to name-calling which is disrespectful and hurtful. That's abuse and totally uncalled for and you don't need this grief when you're pregnant. It doesn't sound like he's apologised for his behaviour either.

 

You're right to move out. You've done nothing wrong. He's playing silly buggers with your emotions - which is characteristic of the pattern you've had of breaking up and making up again. This cycle needs to stop if you're going to have a chance at providing some stability to your baby. I think he's immature and hasn't quite processed the seriousness and gravity of the situation and could be trying to avoid responsibility, then feeling guilty about it. He's probably confused, clearly not ready to be a father and his behaviour is proving it.

 

Until his behaviour changes and he shows signs of taking responsibility and being consistent with it, you need to prepare yourself for the possibility of being a single parent.

[Stampedingwolf]

...If you ask me, I think he's crying out for help.

[Kitkat973]

It's not okay for him to treat you this way, and you need to set down your foot on it. If you allow him to keep yelling at you and degrading you, it'll continue indefinitely.