Ex Contacted Me With Anger

[BrandonFHug]

I told my ex that I was changing, growing and wanted to give her everything. I told her I would be relentless in getting her back. Her hurt and anger because of her child abuse and pain has made me realize she is never going to grow and I cannot be the one to heal her. She contacted me last Thursday with hurt and pain, negativity on a scale I have never felt since being picked on in high school. I wanted to be the one for her, but I have finally seen the hurt and I am moving on. I have found peace and will not be waiting for her. It hurts as a person of compassion and peace to see someone with so much anger and I was under the impression we could make it work, but when I saw her she threw all her negativity onto me because that is all she knows and she hasn't grown. I didn't want to say it, but she is dysfunctional with emotional swings, it is hard to let go because I have matured and have to say I have outgrown her and am doing the worst thing she feared, abandoning her and leaving her behind. It hurts to let go but she won't change and with her anger she is not the one for me. To think positive, I was hoping to grow with her but she is stuck in the past, her anger consumed her and I don't want to be part of that. I kissed her one last time and 85% was great but we will not work because her hurt and pain is something I cannot surround my life with. I love her with every ounce of me, she won't grow as a maturing person and her soul is lost, I cannot be around her negativity. I am sorry you lost me but you will never grow, never change. I Love You with all my heart but I cannot allow you to hurt me anymore. I don't deserve to be punished. Why couldn't you change? Why couldn't you grow with me? When will you wake up and realize you lost a positive person, someone who wanted to Love you forever. I wasn't perfect, I am fixing my self, but it hurts to see your anger, but your anger is something I will not allow in my life. You lost my heart

[Stampedingwolf]

...You know...She doesn't realize that she could easily replace her anger and her hate with love if she would just cherish being around you. Sometimes love can make all the difference...It changes people. That's kind of why I'm hoping that maybe someday I can find somebody to be with, so I can become the man that I need to be, and give the person love and affection all the same.

[Kitkat973]

Love does not fix an abusive past. Hollywood likes to make it out like it's so, but it doesn't. It can help, but it's not going to make the pain and anger go away as a result of the things that happened to her.

 

With that said, having been abused doesn't give her a carte blanche to be negative and cruel towards you. You've decided that her negativity isn't something that you can have in your life, and I think that's a strong decision to be able to make, and that it says a lot that you can make that decision based on the effects to your mental and emotional health.

[DaveCummings]

BrandonFHug,

 

Man I couldn't know what you're going through because I haven't quite been in this position. This is a clear sign of a damaged individual who hadn't healed properly as a result of what she had been through. It's unfortunate that after so much care and love was given to her by you, that she had to still end up becoming as she is. I feel for you.

 

I feel you did the right thing by getting strength to say good bye to this situation. It's going to be the healthiest for you. All the best my friend.

[BrandonFhu]

I have been doing a lot of healing, therapy 2x a week, spiritual help and I feel I have outgrown her. Now, I did do silly things with time management, neglect, verbal anger, that I am working on and for that I have apologized. Part of her healing or grieving was to see me, release her anger, then leave. I love this girl, but in order to make a relationship work, it takes two. I want to take her to the top with me, but she is not walking by my side and I can't wait at the bottom of the mountain, I'm ready to climb. On her end, she is hurt, I sympathize and love her, she lost her job and self worth, she is escaping by having mindless fun, not working on her issues and that will destroy her. I am working on myself and she even put me down with, "you can't change in a month", yes you can, because I am proof of healing and moving on. I would do counseling, I would do couples therapy, anything for this girl as she stuck by my side. I will always love her, but with her escaping and avoiding problems, she will hopefully wake up one day and realize that she lost me, a Good man.

[BrandonFhu]

It has been 1.5 month and we have spoken 4 times, 1 skype, 3 encounters. I LOVE HER why can't she heal with me and move onto a better Life with ME!